Met a guy on Chatroulette...

[LonerForever]

Hey hey!

So I will try my best to keep this as factual as I can since I would love some obejctive advice here.

Situation is this: I met a guy online on chatroulette last Saturday. We chatted for 3 hours. We had some email exchange after that, but I am feeling very confused where I am at with the guy. What is your opinion?

Our conversation on Chatroulette
I loved chatting with him. I would have never expected to meet someone like him on CR. We talked about our families, about string theory (!), about books, about how we like sex that combines with intimacy, about travels, about what makes us happy. Respectful and compassionate guy I must say. Very average looking - not bad not good. A bit shy. Did not know how to ask for things directly - I definitely was taking the lead there, but he more and more became more daring during our conversation. Then after 2 hours or something he bursts out saying: "You are really hot". I ask him what he finds hot about me - he says: "Your smile, your eyes, the way you talk, the way you say things even if you do not really know how to say them and still manage to express yourself." That was lovely to hear and I told him that.

I asked him for his mailadress after about an hour of talking and he gave it to me even though he seemed reluctant at first. I told him that I am fine if he does not wanna give me the mail and he said his reaction was only because he was so taken by surprise with my question.

At the end he said, that he was so taken by our conversation, that never in his life he had talked to someone about some things that he talked to me about. He would have never expected to meet someone like me on CR. And that he was said that he lives in England and me in Germany.

After the chat
Anyways after that he send me a mail about half an hour later saying what an amazing conversation we had and that he is so glad that I speak English since he does not speak a word of german.

Then the next morning I already had some other mail from him, with a poem that he had written when he was a young boy (nice poem actually).

I was feeling a bit pressure at that time. So many mails so fast - when I meet someone new who has so much to give for me as he has, I really need time to digest all the positive input I am getting and take things slowly. But I did not want him to think I was indifferent, so I wrote to him that I too really enjoyed our conversation and that I just need two or three days to digest all the great input that I have received.

After that the next day he send me 2 more short messages from my personal blog page commenting how he liked my hair style.

Then two days later I sent him a message saying that I would love to talk to him again soon and was making suggestions how we could arrange to chat again since he does not have Skype installed. After he did not answer within 24 hours I sent him another message, asking whether he was upset about something I did and that I was confused since he seemed so enthusiastic at first. I asked him also whether he maybe had a gf and therefore wants to end the contact now and that in that case I would still appreciate to know this.

So the next morning I received a message reading:

"hey hey,

I was away from my house at my mum's for two days. No computer there.

lovely to hear from you... It is first thing in the morning here now, I got in late last night and I am getting ready for work.

I will message more later whenI have the time to focus properly.

xR."

This was 3 days ago - I havent heart from him since then.

So how would you judge this guys behaviour - if you want any further information just ask please.

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here.

Well I would give him a little bit of time. He just might be busy. Give him a couple more days & if you haven't heard from him, drop him a "Hi How are you doing?" type of email. Nothing pressuring him to talk again online, just something like I thought of you & wanted to drop you a line to say HI.

Then see if he responds.

[LonerForever]

Originally Posted by **Sapphire**

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here.

Well I would give him a little bit of time. He just might be busy. Give him a couple more days & if you haven't heard from him, drop him a "Hi How are you doing?" type of email. Nothing pressuring him to talk again online, just something like I thought of you & wanted to drop you a line to say HI.

Then see if he responds.

Thanks for your answer and for the welcome, sapphire. This advice unfortunately will not work for me.

For my close relationships, I need people that are very very reliable, clear and consistent in what they say and do. The way he is communicating and acting really is no option for me at all. Already this one time and I am devastated. Imagine how this would continue, if he really was just busy and I ended up agreeing to continue the contact. I tried that unfortunately often enough and someone who acts like that never changes and I cannot get used to it either.

And the second thing is - the fact that he hasnt written the evening of the same day he wrote his last message, shows that he is at least not really interested in me. Otherwise he would certainly had made sure that I understood that it might take him a week to answer for whatever reason - so I would not think he was not interested. That is at least what I had done.

And a guy that does not appreciate me that much - sorry that guy is not someone I long to be with.

You suggested to write him a message in a few days asking how it is going. Would you really do that? Wow, because I would never ever do that in my life. I mean either I would not write at all, or I would write to him just expressing how dissapointed I feel over the fact that he said he would write, but did not follow through and that I had felt and the messages he sent that he was really into me and that it hurts since I thought of him such kind and generous person, to see that in fact he did not care enough not to leave me hanging like that.

But honestly I am curious now - did you ever have success with that approach? Did you ever manage to establish a relationship ( in the loosest sense of the word - doesnt even have to be sexual) where you felt respected, appreciated and cared for?

[**Sapphire**]

Well then maybe it's YOU that are keeping your expectations a bit too high for a guy you just met online. If you want a REAL relationship or even a friendship you have to have some give & take to it. Understand that it's not all about you & your needs/wants, that the person has to be there at you beck & call every time.

From what I read you 2 aren't in the same country? If that is the case how can you even begin to expect that he will be there emailing, talking to you all the time, whenever YOU want to? That's a bit selfish if you ask me.

The reason I suggested the How are you doing type of email is so that YOU don't look like a stalkerish type of person by sending him an email of "you weren't there for me 24/7, you're not the 1 for me" type of email. Hey though, you do whatever you need to do that you think is best for you.

I just gave you a suggestion based on what I read. He just might be a big online player as alot of people are these days & played you too. I was trying to be nice, but hey whatever!!

[babesbillionaires]

what to say?