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Does drinking make you say things that are not true?? - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love
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Friendship Advice Do you have romantic feelings for a friend? Do you think a friend might feel more for you? Come on by & let's talk about your friends.

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Old 11-12-2009, 10:58 PM   #1
lovebug29
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Question Does drinking make you say things that are not true??

I am so confused and really need some advice please!

I am very good friends with a guy I work with. I think I have fallen in love with him actually. There seems to be a strong attraction between us but he is very shy unless he is drinking. When he is drinking he tell me that he loves me, he cares for me, that I am special, and that when we have made love that it was very special to him. When he is sober, it's a different story. We don't talk about the times we have slept together. We joke and kid around with each other and some occassionaly flirting on my end but that is it. He does call me all the time, text me, and seems to make excuses to come and see me.

I am so afraid of being rejected by this guy that I don't think I can talk to him about my feelings. We have to work together every day so if he rejects me, what do I do then? I would feel stupid!!

Does drinking bring out your true feelings? Or does it make you say things that are not ture? I seem to be more open to talk about my feeling after drinking.
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Old 11-12-2009, 11:04 PM   #2
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Hi Lovebug29,

I believe it brings out the truth in most people. It does in myself, thats why people drink before they go out, so they can relax and have a good time and be themselves.

The guy sounds like he doesnt know what he wants. He can't have his cake and eat it. If he truley loves you.. he would move earth wind and and fire with you Maybe he's scared of loving? its hard to say but maybe you need to be fully open with him, WHEN sobre, so you can both discuss it, and put everything onto the table.
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Old 11-13-2009, 12:41 AM   #3
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Thanks for your response back, I appreciate it. Your right, I do need to just sit him down when we are both sober and tell him how I feel. I guess I am just scared of ruining our friendship but at this point I feel like our friendship is being ruined b/c of the tension between us.
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Old 11-13-2009, 05:38 AM   #4
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Friendship w/ the opposite sex. It just seems like it is way too much work, because it always seems like even if you both don't have feelings at the start, someone is going to develop them sooner or later. Once that happens, it really isn't much of a friendship anymore because one person is always wondering why the other isn't attracted back. I have actually told girls straight up this when we started getting close (friendship wise) because I knew they would never be attracted to me! It might be stupid, but I like to think I have prevented a lot of pain to myself by being open and honest.

Onto your situation, I wouldn't disregard what he is saying when he drinks completely. He has to like something about you at least or he would not be acting that way. I doubt that he is in love with you, however, and honestly think he is very happy with the "friends w/ benefits" situation that you guys have right now. Isn't that the dream that most guys want? Sex w/ no real emotional strings attached with a girl who is cool to be around?! It honestly sounds a bit manipulative to me...he is saying that he loves you and all that crap when he is drunk to mess with your head and keep you confused...you are probably easier to control that way, and much more likely to stick around. Guys and girls love to do that kind of thing.

I say you be fully open with him, however don't be surprised if he stops being friends after that. He doesn't like the "mushy" stuff, or he wouldn't be waiting until he was drunk to say anything. Go into it expecting things to stop if you do talk to him about your feelings. You won't be surprised then. If you find that he is actually very into you, then you will be extremely happy. Is the risk worth the reward? Also, he works with you, and I have found that is just dangerous. It is usually a bad move to get involved with someone you work with because of the potential for awkwardness.
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Old 11-13-2009, 11:45 AM   #5
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I would have to agree with what has been said before me.

He does seem like he's enjoying the benefits of being with you, but without the real commitment to go with it.

You do have to sit him down, talk to him & see what comes of it. If he doesn't talk to you anymore after that, then he wasn't a good friend or really a good person. Plus, you will have figured out his true intentions in that he wanted what he could get from you & nothing else. That wouldn't be the type of guy you would want in your life relationship wise anyway.
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Old 11-14-2009, 11:07 AM   #6
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There are some valid points mentioned above,so I will say something about the effects of alcohol.
When you first have a couple of drinks it loosens the tongue, and yes it's easier say what you really think.
If you drink enough,it distorts your senses, and that includes telling the truth. I have years ago told virtual strangers at parties that I love them! I am sure many people have done that.
I would never trust anything said to me by someone who had been drinking.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:16 AM   #7
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There's a quote that says, "Drunken words are sober thoughts." I think its easier to say what's on your mind after knocking back a few, but I'd take what's being said with a grain of salt. Would you want to be with someone who could only express their feelings and thoughts with you only after being inebriated? Just my 2 cents.
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Old 02-19-2010, 11:58 AM   #8
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for me, it does show what a person really feelss..when you are drunk,you will feel the freedom of expression in you...
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Old 02-19-2010, 02:23 PM   #9
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Ive found that drinking can inflate things. It can turn half truths into truths. A person may have feelings for you but not want to commit. Then when theyre drunk they're thought process works differently. They are loosened up and convince themselves they can make things work that normally they wouldnt. Then when they sober up again they go back to how they originally felt. So drinking doesnt always unlock the truth it sometimes just convinces people of things that can happen and then they wake up and realize the flaws in their logic. How many times have you had a drunken idea with your friends that sounds so good when you plan it then you wake up the next morning and nothing comes of it?

This can happen with relationships too. It happened to me recently. Me and this girl thought we could make it work and most of the confessions, discussions, planning and physical stuff happened when drunk. And it fell apart eventually. So be careful. If you really wanna know, sit him down sober. You may not want to hear the answer but wouldnt it be better than to be left wondering?
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Old 02-23-2010, 12:29 AM   #10
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Most of the times drinking makes you say the things you would never say sober but you believe that they are true deep down.

I always say "Drunken words are sober thoughts"
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Old 02-24-2010, 02:42 PM   #11
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Drinking makes you honest..in my opinion
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Old 03-24-2010, 04:18 PM   #12
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yup I agree with you there, it makes you be honest.
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Old 04-09-2010, 10:15 PM   #13
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lovebug. If this guy is any good he wouldn't reject your true feelings. Wanna know why the truth comes out when we drink? Alcohol opens our pores! lol...no really, this man is suspect already. Picture him saying something you emotionally gave in to...then coming back when he's sober and saying, "Wait, I DONT REMEMBER THAT." That would suck.
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Old 08-01-2010, 02:43 PM   #14
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"in vino veritas"
or something like that

I know I am always more honest when I'm drunk. It's gotten me into trouble before and as far as I'm aware most people are the same. Alcohol removes inhibitions so you're more likely to speak the truth without thinking of the concequences.

I think he does care fo you. Ask him about it when he's sober
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