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What could be her motive..does she want him for herself? - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:20 AM   #1
cherries9999
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Bouncing Heart What could be her motive..does she want him for herself?

There's this guy that I really like. I think he likes me too. We attend a small Catholic college with less than 1,500 students. He's a 20 yr old psychology student. (I'm not a psychology student. My major is food science) I will just refer to him as "J" here. Last year he said to my friend K, "Tell (my name) that I love her." I know K isn't lying because I asked her many times & her story details didn't change & I also saw the cellphone text he sent to her. There are other signs that he may like me too. For example- he blushes when he talks to me. He seems shy. And his guy friends tease him about me. And one of his guy friends (a young English teacher at the school) told me that last February during an event at our school- "J" was playing the guitar in a band. After his performance- "J" was on stage glancing at the crowd. He asked his friend, "Where's S?" A while later- his friend asked him, "Who did you mean by 'S?'" J answered him, "S stands for (my name). My friend & my crush." He was looking for me. But he never told me directly that he likes me- maybe when he's ready he will do it. There's this other girl who is befriending me this year. I don't know her that well yet- but she's very friendly to me. She says "hi" to me sometimes when she sees me at school. We talked sometimes at school. She added me in facebook & she clicked "like" on many of my photos & status updates. She's a psych student & she's classmates with "J" in some major subjects.

She invited me to a seminar at our school & she told me that "J" will be there. During the seminar (which was last Saturday)- "J" was singing & playing the guitar. She suggested, "Why don't you take a picture of him?" I said, "Can you do it for me?" She said, "ok" & she took 4 pics of him with my cellphone. Later on- I saw her sitting next to him & talking to him. She said, "He's my close friend- so if you have something to ask about him- come to me." (I was surprised when she said they are friends. I knew they were classmates but I didn't know that they were friends.) I asked if I could sit next to him, & she let me. She got up & I took her place. (She sat in a chair in front of me while I sat beside "J") I had a casual conversation with "J" then he left the room after about 15 min. I asked her, "Do you remember what I told u about him last semester?" She said, "yes- when he told K that he loves you." I said, "I will wait for him to say that to me himself in person. I won't ask him about it. I will just wait." She nodded. I asked her, "Did he ever mention me to you?" She said, "Yes. He asked where you are." I asked, "How many times did he ask this?" "About three times," she said. "Did he ever say anything else about me?" I asked her. She was silent- like she was trying to remember.

Then she said a few minutes later, "There's something he wants to tell you." I asked her, "What is it?" She said, "Better that he tells you himself." I asked, "When did he tell you this?" She said, "about 3 months ago." Then I wrote on a piece of paper so the other people won't hear, "What did he tell you 3 months ago?" She wrote back, "I told him to tell you the truth but he said he can't yet & u should just let the time decide when he will tell you about it." I felt worried. I couldn't wait & I wrote, "Tell me now so I won't get hurt." She wrote, "It's better that he will be the one to tell you. But my advice for you is to move on and find someone new. I don't want you to get hurt. You're my friend."
I wrote, "Tell me now or I'll get angry at you."
She finally wrote, "He has many friends and he drinks alcohol."
I asked her, "Is that all you wanted to tell me?" She said, "yes." I said, "I thought you were going to say that he doesn't like me & he only likes me as a friend." She said, "no." I asked her again 3 more times, "Is that all you wanted to tell me?" & she said "yes." I felt relieved. What she just told me is not a big deal for me. So what if "J" drinks alcohol? Many people drink alcohol- right? (I drink a small amount of red wine once in awhile.)

I was relieved what she told me because I thought she was going to say something like "He only likes you as a friend." But why earlier she said, "My advice for you is to MOVE ON and find someone new"? Could it be that she may want him for herself? I'm suspecting this because she said that he's her close friend. (If I have a boyfriend- I wouldn't like it if he has close female friends, because sometimes friends of the opposite sex can turn into lovers. I know that it doesn't always happen- but it's a possiblity)
I asked her, "You said he has many friends. Are most of them male or female?" She said, "Male." I said, "good. because I don't like it if he has many female friends."
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Old 10-20-2013, 01:24 AM   #2
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This girl shouldn't be a threat if he has been obsessing over you for the last year. He has chosen you, but he's a chicken s hit.

As for her she's playin with ya with some reverse psychology. She knows the only way to get you to step up and confront him is to make you think you are going to lose his interest. She knows he is being a twit about it so the only solution for this to happen is to find a way for you to make the move. Kind of setting you into panic mode.

It's a modern age now, it's OK for a girl to ask a guy out or at least suggest you two hang out together....something simple as going for lunch or out for a coffee or a nice walk. So if you like this guy, you need to make the steps to make this happen on your own. You are an adult woman now and not 13 years old.....better get used to it because this is what the adult dating world is like. If you want someone bad enough, you do what you need to do.
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:13 AM   #3
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UPDATE: I confronted "L" three days after the seminar. I wasn't able to see her in person since the seminar last week- so I confronted her in a facebook message.
I wrote this to her: "when you told me last saturday, 'he has many friends and he drinks alcohol'- that is not a bad thing. I will give him a chance because I really like him. I will try to get to know him more. It's not a bad thing if he has many friends- if most of his friends are guys and not girls. You shouldn't have told me to 'move on.' I hope that you don't want him for yourself. : P"

She replied less than an hour later. She wrote, "J is my best friend and I'm not interested in him in that way, ok? I have another guy as my boyfriend already."

I was surprised with her answer. I almost felt bad for being suspicious of her. I replied, "ok, I'm sorry. how much alcohol does J drink?" I didn't get a reply- but it says she read my msg. (facebook lets you know if the person read your msg or not. if the person opened your msg- there's a check mark at the end of your msg and it says "seen" and it indicates the time that the person read your msg) Because I didn't get a reply from her but I knew that she opened my msg- I sent her another msg. I wrote: "I still like him although he drinks alcohol. How much alcohol does he drink?" I'm still awaiting her reply.

So she claims that J is her best friend and she says that she only likes him as a friend. She says she has another guy as a boyfriend. Could I believe that? Could a guy and a girl really be best friends without ever becoming lovers? Could a guy and a girl really be platonic best friends??

Last edited by cherries9999; 10-22-2013 at 07:16 AM.
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:15 AM   #4
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I did start talking to "J" already. In my first post in this thread- I did say that I had a casual conversation with him during the seminar. Towards the end of the seminar- after the girl (I will refer to her as "L" here)- told me that "J" has many friends & drinks alcohol- I went to the bathroom. When I returned- I rubbed my hands with hand sanitizer because I returned from the bathroom. I kept the bottle of hand sanitizer in my hand when the group of 40-50 people in the room began to form a circle for a game. We were instructed to hold hands with each person at both of our sides. "J"'s male cousin was standing besides me on the right & he suggested that I hold hands with "J" instead. "Put your bottle of hand sanitizer away so you can hold J's hand," someone suggested to me. I agreed. "J" was holding my hand at the right and a girl was holding my hand at the left. It was a hula hoop game. (Each person in the circle had to go through the hoop and pass it on to the next person while holding hands) Before the game started- I asked someone to take a picture of me & "J" holding hands. The person obeyed and I asked for a copy of the pic. When she was about to take the pic- "J" jerked away as if he didn't want the pic taken. But he went back to his place holding my hand and he allowed her to take the picture.

Most of the people in the group were thrilled when "J" & I were holding hands- although it was just a game. Some people were cheering. As soon as the game ended- "J" let go of my hand and he began to pack his things. I approached him and I said to him, "Bye. You are welcome to come to my house when you're ready." He smiled and he gave me a thumbs up sign.
That was it. That was a week ago.
(earlier at the seminar when I was having a casual conversation with him about an hour before the game- I told him, "I know that you're good at playing the guitar." He nodded. I said, "I play the piano." He asked, "What songs do you play?" I said, "If you come to my house- I will show you what songs.")

The night after the seminar- my friend "K" told me that her classmates were at the seminar and they told her that they thought it was romantic when "J" & I were holding hands and most of the people there felt happy for us.
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Old 10-28-2013, 05:36 PM   #5
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Wow you asked this guy twice to hang out and hasn't.....not too sure if he is all that into you. Even the shyest of guys would jump at the opportunity to hang out with their crush.

Maybe you need to back off a bit and see if he tries to get your attention.
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