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Relationships - Dating & Marriage Come on in & talk about dating, relationships & marriage. Maybe give some advice to others on past relationships.

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Old 02-03-2013, 12:45 PM   #1
Marumo
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Default Please help!

Hi, I have 22 years girlfriend, i'm in a relationship that constantly have arguments and nonstop problems. my girlfriend and i stays far from each other, she's staying with her aunt & i am working in the other city, 100km apart. Our relationship is two years old, we never stayed together, just phone calls and visit, sometimes after two to three months, she doesn't wanna come stay with me, always have different excuses, each time i explain to her that, i wanna marry her but i'm worried that we never spent even 1 month together & that doesn't mean i know you at all, because i know you on the phone better than you in person, she then tells me it's hurting to hear that each time she visits me, it was not counting for anything.

1. Am i wrong to say i still don't know her, even after two years in a relationship for the fact that we see each other after long time, every two to three month and just one day, where she even visits me from around 13H00 and at around 17H00 same day she goes back?
2. I find it hard to trust her at all,especially that she once cheated me with other man for a year with me not being aware of it, am i wrong to fail to forgive her as much as i wanted to?
3. How do i start building trust between us and making sure that our relationship becomes strong? especially now that she refuses to come stay with me to help me re-new our relationship?
4. Is it normal for a girl to love her friends more than her own boyfriend? even if she see that, this is causing conflicts among us? sometimes she will rather breakup with me than cutting her friends that are destroying our relationship, she is addicted to whatz up and mxit, never want me to know who she is always talking to.
5. Always we fight about having a baby, she just can't directly face me and say i don't want to, she will give an excuse that she's still at school (doing nursing at college) and will promise that when her course ends we will try for the baby, but once that time comes, she always have other reasons to make sure it never happen.
6. I'm very much committed to her, she is my first girlfriend, i got into this relationship in 2010 November, i was 24 years at the time.
7. Six months after we met, we use to talk at night from 00:00 with the Vodacom night shifts, she used to make sure she never sleeps until she talks to me, but the past 18 months have been different, she puts her phone silence each time she goes to sleep to make sure i do not bother her with phone calls, sometimes she will just ignore my calls during the day until i sms her and say, "i'm calling you the last time, if you don't answer consider this relationship over, that time for sure, she will answer, it won't ring twice.
8. i'm so confused and don't know what to do. Do you see a future in my relationship? i'm worried because she never admits that there is no future between us, she say she loves me but neither her action or behavior proof that.
Is there anything i'm perhaps missing in my relationship that would definitely turn things around and make me trust her again or am i just wasting my time?

Please help!
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:05 AM   #2
acsmith3506
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Hate to say this Marumo, but sometimes long distance relationships, even after two years worth, will not last. It doesn't sound to me like you are happy with your girlfriend and the way things have been going in the relationship. My truth to you.... LET HER GO. Her friends are telling her to do so, and according to what you wrote, she is listening and behaving the way they want her to. She has cut off the way things were, until you want to break it off with her. She is in a position where she doesn't want to hurt you. She would rather you just let her be herself, until she is ready to see or hear from you. You are not happy, she apparently isn't happy either. If you have to beg to keep a relationship going, it isn't worth staying in. You sound like a kind, loving individual. So you wasted two years of your life, but thank God you are in your twenties. Go to places where singles frequent, e.g., library, museum, zoo, church, and you will meet a person that will be in to you alone. You can also check out Buddahood, and pray the words, Nam, Myoho, Renge, Kyo. Ask for what you want and you will obtain it. Check out Buddahood on line and in your neighboring area. Good luck.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:36 AM   #3
Ellen
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There is nothing wrong with letting you know how you feel about your distance and generally about how you feel the relationship is doing. Communication is key to all happy and successful relationships. I do find some things about your description that indicate to me that maybe your relationship is in need of some fixing, but that’s just my personal preference. It’s good to see that you are committed and willing to do anything to keep the relationship healthy. You two are still relatively young and there is a possibility that maybe she might be having second thoughts (happens a lot in young couples). So I think it’s important that you talk to her about it and perhaps go seek some couples counseling for the two of you. Counseling can be a great help and will often get you guys to start addressing some issues you haven’t talked about before. It’s good to find out more about each other.
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