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Old 10-23-2008, 09:25 PM   #1
firemxcn86
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Default Warning me he might cheat :(

Yea, I know. You all might be thinking that the answer is so simple...but to me it is so hard to accept. The main problem is that I am so confused. This is a long thread, sorry hehe, but please read it becuase I REALLY NEED THE HELP. PLEASE!

So my boyfriend of 2 months just told me that he usually loses interest in a relationship after 2 months or so and he begins to see other guys. I asked him why he would cheat on me? what am I lacking? His answer? Its not sex and I am not lacking anything. A normal person would say, **** that, im out. BUT my dilemma is that he does not fit the description of a cheater. Let me explain (or try to lol)

This guy fits every description of what I look for in a BF. He treats me like a king. He has the this perfect balance of masculinity and femininity that allows him to be very emotional, sweet and sincere, but still makes me laugh with his horrendous burps (he knows I hate them, so he does them to see my face of disgust lol). Before he confessed that he might cheat, I had no doubt in his loyalty. He made me feel this weird peace that I have never found. I felt safe. He was not only my BF, but my friend as well. He has the exact same sense of humor that I have which made every second we spent together so much fun. He has an amazing relationship with his mom and brothers (which I think is so important since I have the same with my family). And to top his greatness...he supports my career, even though its not very lucrative. I have a non-profit theatre company that consumes my life. In one instant, he come over at 4am to help me paint a set I was working on. He would bring me coffee at 3 am other days when I would be writing grants and just drop it off and say good luck. To get a glimpse of this, here is an e-mail he sent me one day:

hey babe

lol its weird... i got the urge to send you an email that expresses my feelings... this usually only happens when i get emotional (for whatever reason - this **** pops up randomly, i cant control it, LoL)...

so i didnt get to say goodnight to you tonight when i called you like i said i would after the movie... i thought you'd be awake... for some reason, despite the fact that we'd spent the last two nights together, completely, i needed MORE of you, but you weren't there... and then this tense, familiar feeling began building up in my shoulders and neck i would only experience when sad or disappointed -- haha, disappointed because you weren't AWAKE FOR ME WHEN I WANTED, and i know that sounds selfish, but i guess it was my craving for your company -- a craving for someone who likes me for who i am, even though i can't really say i know who i am or what i want to be, yet;

...a craving for someone who laughs with me, and at me, and at himself and is the most humble human being i have ever met;

...a craving for someone who loves who he is;

...a craving for someone who has a wealth of love that he excludes nobody from, even if it means hurting himself in the process just to make someone else happier or at least more content;

...a craving for someone who likes to help better other people and not just feed his own wants/"needs"........

...Tonight i may have experienced an epiphany, and im trying to find out whether its that im falling in love with you... i know that word is a BIG word and carries a lot of meaning with it, a different kind of meaning than the kind meant when it was used earlier throughout this email, AND i dont want to get carried away and make you think i want to take things too far too fast, but i just wanted you to know that i truly believe you're el amorrrrrrr de mi vida and that if tonight's an indication of what happens when i dont get to say goodnight, this weekend's going to be HELL when i dont even get to SEE you for like... almost 2 days!!! lol.......

orale, this email is long and you need ta get back to work! just thought i might as well take this time to vent in a positive manner and let you know what im thinking of when i look at you, or drive with you in the car and its quiet, or watch you as you act as a rooster in "el peo peo peo", or talk to audience members afterwards, or your mom in the kitchen about the next play... etc etc etc etc...

So talking on the phone with you has kept me sane this weekend, me
being away from you. Well, actually, the expectation of talking with
you or receiving a text has kept me sane. The actual talking and
texting has breathed life into mine. A little part of me feels like it
dies everytime we end our conversation - sometimes I just wanna say,
"Dont hang up, id rather sit here listening to your breathing knowing
you're on the other side just a phone line away." I know thats a
little weird, but thats how I feel this weekend having to be away from
you only days after finally opening up about how intense my feeling
are towards you.

My phone is probably sick of me already since I've been checking it
nonstop to see if there was another email or text message waiting from
you. Or a missed call. I'd hold my phone in my pocket while walking
just to make sure I noticed if it vibrated. You've got a lock on me,
on my heart, and Im crazy because of it. . I haven't found love,
true love, for quite a long while; I was starting to wonder if itd
gone out if style. Then you came along and got me stressing over if
i'd got unread text messges. Lol

I hope I'm your remedy like you're mine. I love you babe.

Now.... Just waiting for that nyquil to kick in so i can stop thinking
about you and start dreaming about you!!!!! Muah

neways... lol you're probably freaked because i called you like 20 times after the movie waiting for you to pick up... or texted you long messages... and then sent this email, but i bet it'll be the good kinda freaked, at least happy... delighted... !! lol lemme know with a text since i imagine you'll be waking up before me tomorrow... anyways mr paco taco, mi amor, i'll tty tmrw...

________________________

What the **** am I suppose to think now? How can someone who writes this tell me a week later he is breaking up with me beacuse he dosent want to hurt me in the possibility he might cheat in the near future. I have been cheated on before many times ( I don't konw why, I have bad luck) and this guy is overall such a better human being than the other a**holes...he is truly a quality human being. No one has EVER made me feel the way he does, no one has treated me like he does....What do I do? Why can't he commit? Why would he have urges? What do I do?????? Im very upset he just "gave up" on the relationship that easily. Is he that weak-minded? Is it an excuse? Im so confused Any help is appreciated, Thanks!

Last edited by firemxcn86; 10-23-2008 at 09:32 PM.
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Old 10-23-2008, 10:26 PM   #2
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wow. i have no idea how he could write that letter and then want to break up with you less than a week later. my only thought is... perhaps he became afraid of his feelings for you? he has never had a long term relationship before as he told you so perhaps his cheating is caused by a fear to commit. maybe he doesnt want to get his heart broken, perhaps he doesnt want to get hurt anymore, but i think he freaked out and left you because he realized he was getting serious about you. plus maybe he just cared about you that much that he didnt want to hurt you if he thought something might happen with someone else.
but the bottom line is, if the guy cant commit, hes not ready for a relationship yet, especially on the level that you want it.
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Old 10-23-2008, 11:47 PM   #3
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Welcome to ATLF, firemxcn86.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm thinking maybe he is scared to be in a fully committed relationship. If he is, he should tell you instead of breaking up.. That way you both can take it as slow as you need to. Have you talked to him since?
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Old 10-24-2008, 01:42 PM   #4
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Welcome to ATLF firemxcn86, glad that you joined us here.

I agree with what Aussie & Pink have said before me. There could be alot of factors as to why he broke it off with you. It's hard to say what 1 would really be it.

If you 2 have talked a bit, I would talk to him, maybe arrange a time for you to talk face to face about this. If he has a fear of committment, you 2 might be able to work on that together, take things slow. First though, you 2 need to find a way to talk all this out & go from there, IF he even wants to talk.
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Old 10-24-2008, 06:53 PM   #5
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I have to agree with the others who have posted before me.

He sounds like he is afraid to be in a serious relationship which is silly as he is showing that he has such big feelings for you.

He is afraid of getting hurt and I think he thinks if he ends it now he is saving himself from that.
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