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Alternative Lifestyle A forum for anyone in an "alternative lifestyle" (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, etc.). A place where you can ask questions and get advice without judgement.

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Old 10-08-2008, 12:55 AM   #1
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Default Does she like girls?

Alright, I have an interesting situation on my hands. There is a girl that I have known for about 4 or 5 months now. After meeting her in a group of friends a couple times, I became interested in her. And the feeling was mutual because she asked my friends why I've never asked her out. I never made it that formal. In the beginning, we would go out and be affectionate towards each other. Third or fourth time we went out, she let me crash in her bed... with her. We exchanged a 5 or 10 second kiss before going to sleep... we had both been drinking. From there, we just saw each other whenever. But I decided shortly after that I would take her fishing with me since she liked fishing. But she seemed terrified to make physical contact. She would sit in a different chair instead of on the couch with me, etc. Come to find out that a girl I confided in about her ended up telling her that I liked her. Problem is, this girl likes me. So I don't know if she sabotaged it or not. They are friends. But she said I should have told her directly... whatever.

So we saw each other sparingly until a couple months ago. Now we go out all the time together. She made me dinner a couple times... lunch once, etc. She has no problem being alone with me, and she tells me she enjoys it. But beyond some flirting, back massages, playfulness, etc... not much going on. So one night, she asks for us both to share some stories about sex, relationships, etc. She tells me that she dated a girl for a summer. She also says she dated a guy who ended up being gay... says they never had sex in 9 months.

So this got me to thinking... maybe she's gay. Hey, I have no problem with that. We can still be friends. But she knows that I am interested, and I'm thinking she doesn't want to tell me for fear of me realizing there's no chance, and I dissapear from her life. I wouldn't do this, but for all I know, she may think I would. One night I was supposed to go meet her for some wine at her place with her female roomate. I ran late, and she said she was going to bed. I sent her a text jokingly asking... "with your roomate?!". To which she responded, "HAHA, of course!". Who knows.

Of all the pictures I've seen of her on social sites, etc... I only see her with other girls. I can honestly say that I have never seen her with a guy. They only guy in her life seems to be me.

How can I approach this subject without hurting her feelings? Should I even bother? The reason I ask is because even though we seem to have found a friendship, I'd be ok with more. And m friends are starting to tell me that she is a user... using me for fishing which she absolutely loves, for drinks, football tickets, etc. They are worried that I am being used, and I'm starting to think that I am. So it is time for me to figure this out about her. Any advice on how or whether to even do it would be apprieciated.

Last edited by Santos; 10-08-2008 at 12:57 AM.
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Old 10-08-2008, 01:12 AM   #2
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Hey Santos, welcome over to ATLF!
Sorry that you're in this situation. To keep things simple the only way to really know whats up is to tell her face to face how you feel and ask if she feels the same. If you were to ask if she was gay, the time to do it was when she told you that she dated a girl for a summer...I would have asked right away once she said that lol. But since she did tell you about that you can probably bring it up again without hurting her feelings and ask her.
Good luck!
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Old 10-08-2008, 04:54 AM   #3
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Thanks for the welcome! After she said that, I asked in a joking manner if she was gay. Asked it jokingly to perhaps take the edge off and lighten the mood. But she said, "Oh no... (insert name) likes guys", with a laugh. So I took her at her word, and I can respect it if she is uncomfortable telling people. Maybe she's at that point that she is trying to come to terms with it. Or, perhaps the relationship was just out of curiosity. I do know... well at least she says... that she has in fact had sex with a guy, or guys. At least that is what she said. What's funny is that she is the most innocent looking girl. Some of the stories she told shocked me (and peaked my interest ;-)).

I'll wait for the right time to ask her. Thanks for the advice and the welcome!
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Old 10-08-2008, 05:05 AM   #4
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welcome santos! hope you enjoy it here

well it could be that she just likes relationships with girls for whatever reason, or isnt closed off to the idea of a relationship with a girl but usually likes guys. a lot of girls experiment with each other, but end up not actually lesbian... recetn research shows that its not a choice, too, so she cant really force it on herself anyway

well i would just ask her too, casually, maybe tell her you are interested in dating and see where it goes from there.
no hacer algo por miedo de fracasar es como suicidarse por miedo de morir.
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Old 10-08-2008, 01:15 PM   #5
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Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here with us.

I agree, have a talk with her, tell her how your beginning to feel for her & see what goes from there Santos. It's about the only way you will know for sure what's going on.

She could be bi-sexual or playing with some emotions/feelings she could be having for the same sex. You could probably bring up the subject of her ex girlfriend & since she said that she likes guys, maybe ask her why she dated that girl at that time. You might be able to get an answer out of her that way if you ask her since she stated that she likes guys, what motivated her to date that other girl.

Keep us posted on when you do get the chance to talk to her, we do love updates.
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Old 10-12-2008, 12:56 PM   #6
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i totally agree with sapphire ^^^
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Old 10-19-2008, 02:25 PM   #7
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I think she is possibly bi also....I do think the only way you will find out how she feels about you though is to ask her
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