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Typical gay guy's problem. - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love
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Old 12-10-2007, 06:50 AM   #1
wayderz
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Default Typical gay guy's problem.

*sigh* It's not like no one has ever heard of this before.

I'm gay, my best friend is straight. I have liked him for a fairly long time.

We joke around about us getting together a lot, and he says things like "if I dated you I wouldn't have to worry about anything". He also said "I am getting more and more fed up with girls, so by Christmas I will probably be wanting you" after I asked him what he wanted for Christmas during a serious conversation.

To make things more complicated, Tuesday is the anniversary of one of our friend's whom we both grew up with's death. We went to her grave site together yesterday night for a candle lighting. I started crying, trying hard as I can to hold back, and he started holding me, then he started crying and we just stood there in each other's arms.

When we were standing there it felt really warm and nice. And now every time I think about it and him my heart feels like cotton balls.

My feelings aren't based on comfort he gave me, because I felt for him before, but I think it intensified them tremendously to the point in which I don't want to hold it in anymore.

Even if I'm setting myself up for disappointment, it feels like I have to tell him.

Is there any way to go about telling him, but in a way that it wont affect our relationship as best friends? I value his friendship more than anything, and the last thing I want to do is make him feel awkward or lose his friendship. I believe he would be okay with it if I told him in the right way, but he might feel awkward if I just came out and said "I think I might love you".

For the record "Love" isn't a word I use lightly, and I wont use it without the word "Think" unless I at least think I'm 100% sure.(Only told 1 person he loves them...first boyfriend...always is).
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:01 AM   #2
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First of all welcome to the ATLF I am pleased that you have found us and decided to post here with us.

Quote=wayderz] We joke around about us getting together a lot, and he says things like "if I dated you I wouldn't have to worry about anything". He also said "I am getting more and more fed up with girls, so by Christmas I will probably be wanting you" after I asked him what he wanted for Christmas during a serious conversation.

I would say as your friend is straight that is just one friend joking with the other friend
I would not read to much into that wayderz

Quote=wayderz] To make things more complicated, Tuesday is the anniversary of one of our friend's whom we both grew up with's death. We went to her grave site together yesterday night for a candle lighting. I started crying, trying hard as I can to hold back, and he started holding me, then he started crying and we just stood there in each other's arms.

I see this as two friends supporting each other in a sad time of need.

If he is a very good friend he most likely know you are Gay having said that only you know your friend he may see your advance toward him as a bad thing
as you know he is straight I think you should respect the friendship you both have.

you could however talk to him regarding your feelings and if he is a true friend he will not worry about the fact that you are gay or your feelings toward him.

true friends will always be there for you no matter what.
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:35 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony View Post
First of all welcome to the ATLF I am pleased that you have found us and decided to post here with us.

Quote=wayderz] We joke around about us getting together a lot, and he says things like "if I dated you I wouldn't have to worry about anything". He also said "I am getting more and more fed up with girls, so by Christmas I will probably be wanting you" after I asked him what he wanted for Christmas during a serious conversation.

I would say as your friend is straight that is just one friend joking with the other friend
I would not read to much into that wayderz

Quote=wayderz] To make things more complicated, Tuesday is the anniversary of one of our friend's whom we both grew up with's death. We went to her grave site together yesterday night for a candle lighting. I started crying, trying hard as I can to hold back, and he started holding me, then he started crying and we just stood there in each other's arms.

I see this as two friends supporting each other in a sad time of need.

If he is a very good friend he most likely know you are Gay having said that only you know your friend he may see your advance toward him as a bad thing
as you know he is straight I think you should respect the friendship you both have.

you could however talk to him regarding your feelings and if he is a true friend he will not worry about the fact that you are gay or your feelings toward him.

true friends will always be there for you no matter what.
Thank you, that does help a lot. But I don't know how I would start a conversation about it. I mean, should I bring it up whilst we are having a serious discussion, or maybe when we are joking around just tell him.

He does seem to be a bit gay, such as his mannerisms and his openness as far as being flirty and touchy...also he lets me see him naked all the time...it's a lot of things that make me think this actually. So maybe ^^
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Old 12-10-2007, 09:31 AM   #4
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I don't think I would tell him when you are both joking around as he may just think you are joking with him.

I think you just need to go out together to a place where you both like hang out

I would ask him ( you know (his name) we are great friends and I value your friendship but I think I may have other feeling toward you as well do you think we could take our friendship to another level ) if he says yes you know where you stand and the same if he does say no to you.

thats just an idea for you wayderz

being flirty with you may be a signal as for him being touchy with you is he like that with any of his other friends ?

also seeing one of your best friends Naked just tells me he is comfortable being like that around your presents.

one of my best friends is also female and I have seen her naked I would not touch her in any way for i know where we both stand.

I have also seen one of my best male friends naked also and never thought anything of that.

I guess what I am saying to you is you need to know where you stand.
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Old 12-10-2007, 01:01 PM   #5
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I would definitely have a serious talk with him. Not in a joking way because chances are he'll think you're joking too. He does seem to be sending signals here and there. But then again he just might be that comfortable with you. I have seen a few of my girl friends naked and vise versa. Didn't think anything of it.

I think he needs to know where you stand because you can only hold those feelings in for so long. You can't help the way you feel about someone. Like Tony says, if he's a true friend he'll be there for you no matter what. Sit him down and have a heart to heart.
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Old 12-10-2007, 01:43 PM   #6
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I wanted to WELCOME to you ATLF!! Glad that you joined us & decided to post your need for advice with this very caring cyber community!

I agree with Tony & Pink in that you should have a serious talk with him. Let him know of your feelings about him. Also, maybe have a talk with him in regards to some of the things that he does that is making you believe he may have some kind of feelings for you as well.

I differ a little bit with Tony on the touchy feely, seeing your friend naked thing. Men well some men tend to not be the touchy feely type or let their guy friends see them naked. So, I tend to think that he may have feelings for you, but I can't be 100% sure.

If he is a true friend like he has proven to you, you talking to him & getting everything out in the open for you & him, shouldn't make a huge difference in your friendship.

Best of luck to you & be sure to let us know what you decide & what happens.
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:35 PM   #7
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Quote:
I would ask him ( you know (his name) we are great friends and I value your friendship but I think I may have other feeling toward you as well do you think we could take our friendship to another level ) if he says yes you know where you stand and the same if he does say no to you.
I think Tony has given a great way to approach this with your friend.

It kinda sounds like he doesn't really understand that you have REAL feelings because you are gay and thats why he makes so many comments like that. If he's not interested in being bi then maybe he'll get the picture that your feelings are just as real as his for a female and will stop 'teasing' you.
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:23 PM   #8
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^^ Thank you everyone. Him and I are going out to dinner tonight(his proposal)and I'm going to tell him after we get home from that. No we don't live together hehe. I'm just going to call him, talk about our time together and some other things then say what Tony said.

Pink- Yes I am going to be serious about it, also you and Daisychip are right, he needs to know how I feel for me to know how he feels lol.

Sapphire- There are also other things like, sometimes we go shopping and to the movies together and I don't suggest any of them. So I'm thinking he may have some kind of feelings for me, but he doesn't know how to say them since he's never done it for a guy, and I don't think he has ever approached a girl before. Also before I forget, he is a very private person, when we first met he wouldn't let anyone, including me see him naked, now he just walks around without a care if it's only me there lol.

Daisychip-(cute name btw <3 the avatar) Your probably right, I don't think i've ever dropped any hints of my feelings, just joke around about it. ^^ I hope he doesn't stop teasing me though, even without my feelings it's a part of our friendship that is like no-one els's I have. I'll bet any money if he doesn't feel the same towards me he will tease me even more haha.
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:34 PM   #9
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I hope you talk with him goes well wayderz please keep us posted and good luck
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Old 12-11-2007, 08:38 AM   #10
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I hope it goes well also. It's great that you have so much confidence in your friend!!! and that you would be ok with him teasing you even more..........you guys sound like true friends and thats awesome.

Yes please let us know how it goes.
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:28 PM   #11
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Best of luck with you talk with your friend wayderz! Please come on back & let us know how it all went.
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Old 12-11-2007, 07:30 PM   #12
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I'm sorry I didn't get to your post before...I wish you all the best and I hope you get your mind put at ease.

Welcome to ATLF
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