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I am in love with a younger girl, is it wrong? - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love
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Old 06-13-2009, 07:09 PM   #1
kylio27
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Default I am in love with a younger girl, is it wrong?

Ok first off, before you go ape **** on me please hear me out.

A few month or so ago I stepped into my backyard. After this I noticed a young girl across the fence from me. I had never seen her before and was kind of curious as to who she was. I kind of peeked over at her to see if she might have been my age. She looked younger so I kind of lost interest. I turned around and as I did she yelled out for me and asked me what my name was. I had an innocent conversation with this girl and as she came closer I looked at her face and was in AWE of this girl. I can honestly say that I fell in love at first sight. I have been with many girls my age that all have been very pretty but this girl was BEAUTIFUL. I came to find that she was 13, I myself was 17 and I started to become nervous talking to her when she told me her age. I told her I was going inside and ever since that day, nothing has been the same. After many days and weeks we got to know each other very well. We have many of the same interests and I continued to become completely in AWE of this girl. Along with being the most beautiful girls I have ever laid eyes upon, this girl is incredibly smart and mature for her age. She obviously reads a lot as she knows and understands Shakespeare better than I do. We talk about many kinds of music, video games, films and literature and I started to forget that I was speaking with a 13 year old girl. I can guarantee that this girl is smarter and more mature than most girls at my high school. Now, to clarify I do not stalk this girl in anyway, I do not sexually fantasize about her and I would never take advantage of her, this is what is bothering me. Whenever I feel an attraction to someone, It is usually sexual, but this doesn't feel like that.....it feels to me like........ love. I noticed that originally, she liked me, as she was and still is incredibly flirty and witty. Throughout my high school life I have become a costumed to rating the girls as they walk by, giving them a rating in my head from 1-10. Of course this was done on my own perverted mind as an average high school guy and my infatuation with hot girls. But when I met this young girl I became infatuated with her........her personality and her beautiful smile. I have never felt this way about a girl and including that this girl is incredibly smart and mature just adds to her perfection. I guarantee you boys out there, this girl is your perfectly dreamed up "girl next door" gal. Though I need to say one final thing to sum up this girl's perfection. When I originally met her, I asked her what her age was, she answered "I am 13, but I am an old soul".

THIS IS WHEN I NEW THIS GIRL WAS SPECIAL

Is it ok for me to fall in love with this girl? Because I think I have.
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Old 06-14-2009, 02:04 PM   #2
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first of all welcome to the ATLF
my advice to you is if you want this girl as a friend only that is fine anything more will get you into some serious trouble because of her age

it really does not matter how mature she is

no one here will go ape s**t at you

the truth is is you pursue this you could face some serious charges even if she gives you her consent.

in the eyes of the law she is not of legal age.

so is it fair on you to wait until she is of legal age that is up to you
be her friend yes anything more than friendship you will need to draw the line
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Old 06-14-2009, 03:55 PM   #3
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yes I agree with Tony you should just be friends with her.
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Old 06-14-2009, 06:10 PM   #4
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Hello and welcome to the ATLF. Glad to see you join us.

I can relate to you with your dilemma, as I was once in your situation when I fell in love with a girl, who was 5 years younger than me at that time. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with you spending time with her - and if you have her parents' blessing - be a steady girlfriend. For now, however, just be a friend. Enjoy her company, and appreciate the camaraderie that you both provide to each other.

Once the attraction turns physical - however - this is where the line needs to be drawn. It has nothing to do with how you really feel for each other, but rather to be considerate, regarding her age and the law. As Tony has already mentioned, even though you have her consent, she is still a minor in the eyes of the law. Pursuing it further could lead to dire consequences and legal issues, that might even be a felony in nature.

There are some truths in the saying that love transcends all boundaries, including age. But right now, this does not seem to apply in your situation. If she were 5 years older than she is in the here and now, then there wouldn't be any problem. Be her friend for now, and be patient. Love is rough when you're young, but when love is real - in time - it will find a way. Good luck.
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Old 06-14-2009, 09:05 PM   #5
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Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here.

I have to agree with all that has been said before me. It's OK to be her friend for now, hang out with her, enjoy her company, but as a friend. If it turns to something more like a relationship or especially to the intimate level, you could end up in some serious trouble.

You both may think your mature enough & "love" will overcome, but her parents are the "law" & as such if things became intimate between you 2, they could bring you up on charges that could "brand" you for the rest of your life & that "brand" could very well stop you from getting good jobs, meeting someone else, maybe even living in a particular neighborhood.
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Old 06-16-2009, 01:37 AM   #6
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In most states, any sexual contact with someone under 16 is illegal; you will end up on a "sexual predator" list if you are convicted of anything regarding this girl. Also, there are laws affecting sexual contact with people 16 and 17, too--an 18 y.o. with a 17 y.o. can get in trouble! Others have warned you, so I'm just providing one more layer of knowledge.

Now, regardless of how "mature" she seems, the reality is that YOU are immature--and that is an observation, not a criticism. Time will help you develop maturity. I'm a high school teacher and I know there is a wide range of maturity in kids; many 17 year old boys are less mature than 15 year old girls, for example. That is probably why you think she is so mature--compared to you, she is. BUT--she is still only 13. She still has only 13 years of life experience. She is NOT READY for someone to be in love with her.

Perhaps most important, from your point of view, is the reality that if you try to develop a relationship with her NOW, you will never be more than her first boyfriend. IF, however, you treat her kindly and gently as a friend, let her lead her own life and have her own experiences, and then reconnect with her more closely in a few years (after she's had at least 2 years of college, for example), you stand a much better chance of becoming someone really important to her--she'll have good memories of you as an older friend, she'll appreciate the fact that you recognizd both her maturity AND her need to grow up without someone "claiming" her, etc. It's a win-win situation. If you try to "claim" her as yours now, you will end up unhappy down the road. She WILL GROW UP and she'll need someone who loves the "grown up" her, not the child-her. Get yourself busy dating lots of girls closer to your own age, getting your OWN life experience, and making yourself the kind of guy any woman would be lucky to call her own. Best of luck.
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Old 06-16-2009, 12:25 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by louise1359 View Post
Now, regardless of how "mature" she seems, the reality is that YOU are immature--and that is an observation, not a criticism. Time will help you develop maturity. I'm a high school teacher and I know there is a wide range of maturity in kids; many 17 year old boys are less mature than 15 year old girls, for example. That is probably why you think she is so mature--compared to you, she is. BUT--she is still only 13. She still has only 13 years of life experience. She is NOT READY for someone to be in love with her.

Perhaps most important, from your point of view, is the reality that if you try to develop a relationship with her NOW, you will never be more than her first boyfriend. IF, however, you treat her kindly and gently as a friend, let her lead her own life and have her own experiences, and then reconnect with her more closely in a few years (after she's had at least 2 years of college, for example), you stand a much better chance of becoming someone really important to her--she'll have good memories of you as an older friend, she'll appreciate the fact that you recognizd both her maturity AND her need to grow up without someone "claiming" her, etc. It's a win-win situation. If you try to "claim" her as yours now, you will end up unhappy down the road. She WILL GROW UP and she'll need someone who loves the "grown up" her, not the child-her. Get yourself busy dating lots of girls closer to your own age, getting your OWN life experience, and making yourself the kind of guy any woman would be lucky to call her own. Best of luck.
Great points Louise, really great points!
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:56 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by louise1359 View Post
In most states, any sexual contact with someone under 16 is illegal; you will end up on a "sexual predator" list if you are convicted of anything regarding this girl. Also, there are laws affecting sexual contact with people 16 and 17, too--an 18 y.o. with a 17 y.o. can get in trouble! Others have warned you, so I'm just providing one more layer of knowledge.

Now, regardless of how "mature" she seems, the reality is that YOU are immature--and that is an observation, not a criticism. Time will help you develop maturity. I'm a high school teacher and I know there is a wide range of maturity in kids; many 17 year old boys are less mature than 15 year old girls, for example. That is probably why you think she is so mature--compared to you, she is. BUT--she is still only 13. She still has only 13 years of life experience. She is NOT READY for someone to be in love with her.

Perhaps most important, from your point of view, is the reality that if you try to develop a relationship with her NOW, you will never be more than her first boyfriend. IF, however, you treat her kindly and gently as a friend, let her lead her own life and have her own experiences, and then reconnect with her more closely in a few years (after she's had at least 2 years of college, for example), you stand a much better chance of becoming someone really important to her--she'll have good memories of you as an older friend, she'll appreciate the fact that you recognizd both her maturity AND her need to grow up without someone "claiming" her, etc. It's a win-win situation. If you try to "claim" her as yours now, you will end up unhappy down the road. She WILL GROW UP and she'll need someone who loves the "grown up" her, not the child-her. Get yourself busy dating lots of girls closer to your own age, getting your OWN life experience, and making yourself the kind of guy any woman would be lucky to call her own. Best of luck.
...........................
Very wise words!! I agree and don't have anything else to add.
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