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Old 06-15-2009, 10:34 PM   #1
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Unhappy my love is in terrible danger

Here's the basics:
I'm in love and I know my ex is in love with me.
She's currently with an abusive gang member. She lives with him, is considered dangerous, is abusive on the highest levels, and he recently took away her cell phone... it's been weeks since he's disconnected it. My ex and I haven't spoken since. I know that I love her and she loves me.


How do I help her? (He's done lots to me and wants me dead, plain and simple... he could be coming for me any day...)

I've went to the police, went to her family, went to her friends.




I'm very close to calling him on his cell phone and yelling at him, but I don't know if it will do any good. Maybe if I yell at him it will give her the strength to walk away.
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Old 06-16-2009, 01:10 AM   #2
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I see this as pretty serious
unless you wish to end up as you have said dead
the best thing you can do is walk away with what you have told us

ringing him and yelling at him will inflame the situation between you and him

there is also alot missing in your post as well
what have the family said ?
what have the police said or done ?

she has gotten involved in a member of a gang the chances are so is she
if you pursue this you could not only have him after you but the whole gang

my advice walk away while you can
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Old 06-16-2009, 02:48 AM   #3
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im fine with inflaming the situation if it will give her the strength to walk away.
i'm honestly not going to walk away. i love this girl... there's no changing the fact that i'm staying through till the end.

i did a great deal of research on abuse.. and she's definitely being abused and definitely scared.

-

originally she knew this kid when he was younger, now she met up with him again and he pretends to be normal but he's a gang banger..

her family doesnt really know what to believe... i talked to them awhile ago... they were the first ones i spoke too.. they thought she was pulling my chain... i COULD possibly talk to them again.. if i wanted to because she's not living there now. i'd love to talk to her dad. she's afraid to tell her parents. and her parents wouldnt do anything unless she admitted to it.

the police basically told me .. okay.. he threatened me, i should call them if he arrives at my house. he's EXTREMELY dangerous. I can't put that out there enough. everyone that has seen him, cops, lawyers, have described him as insane.

--

he tried to force her to get a PFA against me (protection order).. didnt go through because I had concrete evidence and a hardcore lawyer. in court he watched her and brought a gangbanger to court who sat next to me and stared me down before we were called up... he wanted to make sure she lied to the court...

he's tried to get me kicked out of my job, kicked out of school... he's literally the biggest piece of garbage you will ever see.

--

i'm not walking away from this.. all evil needs to take over is for good men to remain silent. im sticking by my love..

if i find a way to help her, i'm doing it...

i'm very much debating whether to confront him in person/call him and tell him off...

either that or maybe consult their parents again? i dont think they are aware that they tried to get a PFA against me.. but im not sure. thts the problem.. if i go over and they were aware of the PFA (I dont think they were aware), they can reopen the case with witnesses that i showed up at their house..

she had contacted me a lot in the past few weeks (until her phone was taken away.. this is the second phone he disconnected cuz she was calling people)

welll... theres more information.. i really appreciate the response Tony.. i hope someoen helps me out here i've been dealing with this for a long time... and it's only a matter of time till either I fall... or she is stuck in the relationship, & things go crazy with them and one of them gets hurt/killed...

im hoping I can help her soon
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Old 06-16-2009, 11:12 AM   #4
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talking with her parents may help
what would be ideal is if you could talk to her to see if she wants out of her relationship and away from the gang

I would not recommend talking to the guy not when your life is at risk

can you please tell us the age of the girl ?

would her parents be willing to help her if they are made aware of the full picture
also with the threats that have been made against you
if she wants to get out of that situation her parents could be the only ones that could get the authorities involved to get her away from all of that.

I am concerned for your welfare also I don't think you should try and handle this on your own.
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Old 06-16-2009, 12:04 PM   #5
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Welcome to ATLF!

I'm not sure what I can advise you here because you aren't willing to walk away for your safety & possibly your EX's. Don't you think that if you were to talk to this guy, confront him he wouldn't beat the snot out of you & then her as well??

All you would be doing is inflaming the situation if you confronted him, gangs run in packs & it wouldn't only be him you were dealing with.

The best thing you can do is talk to her parents as Tony has said, have her talk to them as well, if they love her they will help her out of the situation she is in.

I can't understand why the police can't get a bit more involved, many police departments have gang units & if this guy is well known they would watch him or already are watching him right along with his gang.

Something about this post doesn't sit right with me, sorry, maybe it's my nature to be a bit leary, but I see some red flags here.
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Old 06-21-2009, 01:38 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony View Post
talking with her parents may help ...

can you please tell us the age of the girl ?

would her parents be willing to help her if they are made aware of the full picture...
She's 19, he's 22...

-

The abuse hot-line told me not to tell her parents because then she wont be able to trust me, but i'm going to call again tonight because the lady i talked to sounded like a moron.
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Old 06-21-2009, 01:42 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by **Sapphire** View Post

Don't you think that if you were to talk to this guy, confront him he wouldn't beat the snot out of you & then her as well??

The best thing you can do is talk to her parents as Tony has said, have her talk to them as well, if they love her they will help her out of the situation she is in.

I can't understand why the police can't get a bit more involved, many police departments have gang units & if this guy is well known they would watch him or already are watching him right along with his gang.


I am a gym-rat, I did martial arts for 8 years, and wrestled for 14... i've won fights against multiple people at the same time... He can't beat me and i'm willing to take that risk, next confrontation.. i'm not backing down like i usually do. He's crossed boundaries he should have NEVER crossed


I told her parents awhile ago but that was early in their relationship before it got serious. They said they think she's messing with me because there is no bruises. Now there are bruises, and now it's serious. They musn't know the hardcore level its progressed to. I feel like they would be weird-ed out if I showed up at their house. But I may be ready to do that. I'm ready to do anything.


Unfortunately the police don't do much when there's a report... unless someones caught in the act they don't care. i could report him and his gang to the tip-lines, because he's a drug head... but I don't think that's the answer yet.
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Old 06-21-2009, 02:06 AM   #8
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hang on a second
Ok your a jym -rat you have done martial arts, wrestled got into fights
remember one thing there is always someone better than you

I was highly trained years ago as well yeah I was good I used what I had been taught once almost killed a guy with one hit guess what it ended up in court
2,000 dollars later I dropped my attitude
that was alot of money back then plus I got told use my training again and its prison the next time.

violence does not solve anything.
you are talking about a guy in a gang that is also on drugs
are you going to argue with a gun ?
just think of this if this guy wants you that bad and you cross paths ok you beat the crap out of him his mates will stop you

no girl is worth loosing your life over this is her choice she is involved with the guy and maybe also the gang.

as I have said and Sapphire has said you have been given good advice
my advice to you is stay away from this guy
do every thing within your power to stop this the right way

Quote]i could report him and his gang to the tip-lines, because he's a drug head... but I don't think that's the answer yet.

you don't think that is the answer yet that would be the first thing I would have done

I see one of two things happening
you will either end up dead or in prison for a long time what about the girl then is she worth that will she mourn at your grave will she visit you in Parisian and stick by you

your headed down the road of destruction
can you see what we are saying to you
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Old 06-21-2009, 05:42 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony View Post

violence does not solve anything.


Quote]i could report him and his gang to the tip-lines, because he's a drug head... but I don't think that's the answer yet.

you don't think that is the answer yet that would be the first thing I would have done
i will do my best to refrain from violence but i'm not going to cower in fear, if he brings comes to me, it will happen.. but i will avoid violence at all costs

If i report his gang to the tip-lines, he will suspect it was me, no?
That's messing directly with the gang.. i feel like it'll be obvious that I did it and it won't be good for me
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Old 06-21-2009, 09:50 AM   #10
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we are going way off topic here about a love site and with giving advice

the short of it this guy had threatened your life you don't have to cower if he does confront you
he is not worth the effort to be honest
stopping him with violence is out so you look at doing things another way
if stopping him means saying to the tip - lines that he has threatened your life he is into drugs he himself is a known gang member etc etc
well myself yes I would do that

I would say that with the way this guy is he would do just about anything to you if you confronted him anyway and yes he would use his gang as a backup

the girl herself may even stand next to him and defend him.

this is pretty serious stuff we are talking about
the girl herself is on her own path she has chosen a gang member she maybe involved with the gang herself keeping that in mind I would walk away she has made her bed let her lye in it she could be involved with drugs also.

at this point of time she is beyond help

in your own best interests it would be better for you to move on
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Old 06-25-2009, 07:02 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony View Post
we are going way off topic here about a love site and with giving advice

at this point of time she is beyond help

in your own best interests it would be better for you to move on

Man, I don't think we are going far off of topic with love... love is sometimes about fighting for the one you love under any circumstances.. true love...

and in true love its best to look at her best interests first..

I won't give up on her.. I just wish I knew how to help her

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Old 06-25-2009, 11:45 AM   #12
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Do you know for sure that she does want to be away from this guy? Chances are she's very embedded within the gang & she either doesn't want to get out anymore or she can't.

If you aren't willing to tip the police gang unit off to his behavior & his threats I don't see any other way of helping her.
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:50 PM   #13
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I agree with Sapphire, I feel reg flags. I mean that shytt is ****** up. I know I'm cursing but people are just stupid. I wish the police were a bit more involved with this but thats the 2009 police departments of America. (sorry to the police officers i offend with that.) But I would really talk to her parents and tell them what is going on here
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Old 06-26-2009, 12:14 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by **Sapphire** View Post
Do you know for sure that she does want to be away from this guy? Chances are she's very embedded within the gang & she either doesn't want to get out anymore or she can't.

If you aren't willing to tip the police gang unit off to his behavior & his threats I don't see any other way of helping her.

Yup she wants to get away from him. She's very locked down though. I hope she is ready to leave....

And she must be deep within the gang... she is forced to always be with him...
the future should be interesting ... because i'm not giving up ..

I have been discussing thigns with professionals, smart people.. consulting books, researching online...

she is in the deepest pit she could be in.. really...

I might end up tipping off the gang to the police.. im going to another professional in a few days... I hope this group has a bit more to say on ways to help.
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Old 06-26-2009, 12:21 PM   #15
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Best of luck to you, I hope all these professionals you are talking to can help you & her.
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Old 06-27-2009, 10:15 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by **Sapphire** View Post
Best of luck to you, I hope all these professionals you are talking to can help you & her.

Thank you so much! I will keep you guys posted!
I appreciate all the advice and talking, I'd go nuts without anyone to talk to about the situation.
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Old 06-29-2009, 05:02 PM   #17
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im sorry for your situation but i am currently in a relationship with someone who used to be abusive towards me andf all i can say is if she doesnt want to leave the relationship she wont... she may love you but if a victim of abuse in these circumstances really weants to get away shell wait till the time is right and escape im sure if she does she will come to you but there is rly nothing you can do except take her in when she comes to you i hope everythin works out on your part and hers... and sry for being so rude but i hope that guy rots in hell.. there is never an excuse to touch a woman remember that guys~!
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Old 08-24-2009, 09:31 AM   #18
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so I was right, against all odds i've talked to her, but -

there's still many questions that plague me and it's still a battle.
but I just wanted to throw it out there that things are looking up and it's still a battle

when most people said walk away i did get in there and get my point across which is helping a lot... so there goes to show - do what you feel is right as a person
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Old 08-24-2009, 11:49 AM   #19
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Good for you binx, glad that you stuck it out.

Best of luck to you that you can continue & finally be with her.
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Old 08-25-2009, 05:43 PM   #20
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thanks Sapphire =)

It's been a long hard haul but I think things are really pushing through..
It definitely helped me to vent and listen to all your inputs during the other trying time periods... thankyou

I will keep yall posted
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Old 08-27-2009, 04:58 PM   #21
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You avatar really suits you... though the ending haven't come, don't give up until the very end! I can see that you are willing to die for her but don't let yourself killed unnecessary since you describe him as insane, he can do pretty much anything. I'm not asking you to give up, but when things started to come to light, people usually start relaxing which is the worst thing to do because it's the time where things started heating up the most. Keep your tail and barrage through! I'll root for you
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Old 11-06-2009, 06:44 PM   #22
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im rly happy for you and hopefully shes with you now and not the ***hole .!!
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Old 11-06-2009, 11:28 PM   #23
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ahhh. the plot is revealed to me now. why didn;t you both say so earlier ? it wld save me a lot of time
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Old 11-07-2009, 12:57 AM   #24
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lol . :P... this was a really tough one , a lot of horrible things,
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