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Old 09-09-2008, 07:28 PM   #1
Great Hope
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So I've been reading books regarding love, fulfilment of love, expectations of love. The more I read the more I it guides me towards looking outward. It's kind of scary because we did this for years and just sort of idled .Then I started focusing on us and forcing things to happen. But it just hurts when it doesnt cause a reaction of acts of love back . so the books lead to not focusing because she cant be all i need. When I don't focus on it nothing at all happens. We just seem to do our own things do what we think we're supposed to do. I dont know , any suggestions?
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Old 09-16-2008, 02:55 PM   #2
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I don't know how I missed this thread, sorry Great Hope.

Have you shared with her what you have been reading in these books? If not, talk to her about them & what you have learned. Maybe have her read through them a little bit as well, she might pick up better on the ideas in those books to help to make changes within your relationship.
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Old 09-18-2008, 12:21 AM   #3
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Well books are a great resource to get ideas from. I'm no psychologist, but IMHO, the information about books should be taken as no more than suggestions - just suggestions. Because the human race in general - views, perceives, reacts, create mindsets about relationship issues in many different ways - chances are, the end results that the books tends to suggest is often not the case. Other elements, such as chance, common sense, logic, emotional stability (or instability), levels of acculturation, etc., should also be taken into consideration.

I'm not saying that books are a waste of time. They're great resources to let us "get the gist" of what the heck is going on. After that, it's time to go beyond the book and rely on the other aspects of human behavior, and find out what works and what doesn't. Good luck.
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Old 09-18-2008, 01:37 PM   #4
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That's very true stoner. Reading books on relationship, self help books etc., give you a good basis on how to look at things & you can then learn how to deal with certain aspects from getting the ideas. The end result though is you have to rely on yourself to get you through any rough spots that come up. In the case of a relationship, our partner has to want to make the changes with you for the good of the relationship. If the other 1/2 isn't willing, it makes things very hard.
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Old 09-19-2008, 07:20 PM   #5
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I agree with whats been said above!

Books, just like relationship quizes and personality tests can give you an indication or idea, but are not to be taken literally. For example, I used to read countless articles on body language, and even though all humans share some traits, it varies so much depending on the situation, the person, where you are, who they are - all that background, unique information that contributes to the way people feel and how they feel that a book just can't take into consideration.

I know it sounds corny and cliche', but the best advice I can give is:

It's fine to read a little, get an idea - but in the end, don't trust in books for guidence. Listen to your heart and instincts, there's no rule book for love.


Best of luck petal!


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