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Broken Heart - Breaking Up Have you had your heart broken? Are going through a break up, divorce? Come on by & share with us, we are here to help.

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Old 12-02-2012, 04:17 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
madraskar76 is on a distinguished road
Default Lost my significant other

I think that it is stupid for me to make a thread that would generate more spiteful comments instead of warm advices. But, here goes: I'm an eight year husband to a housewife with two children in a third world country. At the start of our relationship, i was just a common office staff with a meager salary. But, as i rapidly progressed in my profession, i started to feel the sudden change in how women treats me. although in many occasion i was able to resist temptation, there was this one girl (a common casual employee) who i felt deeply attracted to. she was not from my office but due to some project that i worked on, i was able to work with her for several months. it was not long before i found myself in an intimate relationship with her. although she is single, she treated me with so much love and affection. with her, it was not about money. Just after we have started our relationship, she was terminated from her work. Then for another one year and a half, our relationship continued while she is still looking for a job but to no avail. Afterwards, she asked me if i could hire her in our company. Although at first i was reluctant as her presence in my work would start rumors of our relationship, i finally acceded to her request as she started to get real angry. that was the start of our problems. immediately after starting in our company, some men (mostly married) started courting her (she told me). then, after one month she broke up with me under the pretense that she wanted a normal life (although i dont believe it then since it was rumored that she is dating another married man). I dont think that i'm as bad as i sound. i know that she deserves a normal relationship which she could be proud of. i also know that my family deserves my honesty and fidelity. perhaps my dishonesty stems from my discontent feelings on my plain and unmotivated housewife. I have been long trying to push her to work again and to be more interesting, enticing or even challenging in my eyes. but even before we tied the knot she was like that - plain and unambitious. admittedly, such reason would not entitle me to do whatever distasteful things that i have done. but, i am not seeking popularity. what i seek is that my ex-girlfriend would leave our company. it's bad enough that she has ripped my heart out, but to stay in the work that i have given her is like adding insult to injury. But, she refused. she told me the salary that she is making is not free and that she has worked for it. her office is just two doors from mine. it has been a constant torture in my mind and emotion when i imagine her with her new boyfriend in the other door. but, obviously, i have no right to demand her to resign. i have repeatedly asked her to quit but she refused and although i hold a managerial position in the company, i have no power to terminate her. more than six months has passed and we have totally lost communication for months now (she changed her number and unfriended me in facebook). i know i have myself to blame. i shouldn't have allowed myself to get into that kind of relationship. but, until now, i still love her. i still linger for our happy moments. pathetic!

Two days ago, i found out who her new boyfriend is. Actually, I was wrong. It wasn't one of the married guys who she has mentioned. Surprisingly, it was a guy who is a lot better than me. He is single, attractive and has money. No wonder she fell out of love of me in a short period of time. When i realized that the guy is not married, a part of me tells me that i should be happy for her. But, that feeling doesn't compensate for the pain that i feel that she found someone better. To think of it, even if I'm single, the guy is still better than me. For months now, i have totally lost communication with her. And, i feel that bothering her would just make me more feel bad about myself. The problem is that I found out that the guy and his buddies in our company knows about me and my ex. I even heard that from the very start, the guy knows about my relations with her and perhaps he courted my ex because he knows that he can steal her from me. Now, more than ever, I feel so terrible. I know i am to blame. I shouldn't have put myself in this situation. I should have avoided having an extramarital affair. Before I said that I still love her. But now I just hate her. Why? I know that she deserves to be happy with a single guy. But, why would she still stay in the same company. There is a spanish term called delicadeza. It means that although you dont have contractual or legal obligations to do something but because of some favor or (past) relations, you owe it to that person to do it.

However, I have now came to a decision to find another company. The pain is just too much. Seeing her with that guy is just too much for me. There is a guy who owes me some favor. I asked him if he could get me into their company. But, the downside is that the pay is much lower than what I'm currently getting. Now, I am stuck in deep thought whether to leave this company so that I can finally move on or stay in this place and bear this pain and humiliation. Again, for some of you feel that what i feel is pathetic and childish but I dont know. I just haven't met someone like her.

so i have said, i anticipate some hateful remarks. but believe me that i just wanted to go back to my old self when the only people that i cherish are my wife and kids. please any advice. thank you in advance
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Old 12-03-2012, 01:46 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 20
Alston is on a distinguished road

I think things are better now as she found the man of her dreams and you have your wife. Focus on your work and your progress/effeciency to regain your dignity in office till you fine some better opportunity. Drop your CV to multinational companies and wait for the better job.
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affair, breakup, cheating

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