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Friendship Advice Do you have romantic feelings for a friend? Do you think a friend might feel more for you? Come on by & let's talk about your friends.

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Old 09-02-2010, 06:51 PM   #1
Ming
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Smile What do you think?...of this guy?

Hi,

I've never ever been to a romantic relationship before. In the past, I used to have quite a number of suitors, all of which I rejected because I vowed to my mom not to have any boyfriend until I finish college. And now it's been a year since I graduated, and finally, I'm sort of seeing this guy.

He was my classmate before. He dated a good friend of mine several years back. And later, he hooked up with another classmate of ours. They were on and off for 3 years, and then they finally broke up. Within that month after they broke up, he entered into some sort of a rebound relationship with another girl, which didn't last. He was still in love with his ex even though he was flirting with some other girls. A few months later, he found out that his ex-gf had a new boyfriend....and until now, they're still together (2yrs).

By the way, he also flirted with his teacher who already had a boyfriend. But he said they we're already "over".

So just recently, I think about a month ago, we started communicating on a social networking site. After all, he was my ex-classmate, and we were teammates before in one of our school activities. Then we began texting each other, thanks to my best friend. By the way, we haven't seen each other for a long time.

During the first few weeks, he always insisted to accompany me every time I go out alone in the mall or anywhere else. But it was kinda awkward for me so I repeatedly refused to meet him. Finally, we had the chance to meet up on a Friday night.

By the way, I have this certain attitude of refusing to let someone (especially by any person aside from my parents and really really close friends) pay for the bills when we hang out. So when we went out, I offered to pay for the bill. But he refused, so both of us contributed for the payment.

After that, we still keep on texting. But I noticed that he no longer insisted on accompanying me going out. I was thinking, maybe he was frustrated at how I looked. lol

We keep on texting and calling each other, but less frequently than before (or maybe it was just I who noticed such change). The thing that i liked about him is that he keeps on updating me on what he's doing, where he is, who he's with. He also keeps on asking how I was, and what I'm doing at the moment, and is very concerned whenever I skip my meals. For this reason, I started to call him "BOSS".

Eventually, I found out he was funnier than I thought he was. He was really hilarious everytime we talk...and that factor was really important for me. Within weeks, through his stories I learned about his family life and his hobbies. in turn, he listened to my stories too. I also knew about his past love (which i mentioned above)... I soon began to realize that after 2 yrs, he's still not over with his ex girlfriend. Whenever he talks about her, the tone is different. I started spying on his facebook page. Andthen I found out how e was regretful of breaking up with her. But he can no longer do anything about it cause she's already happy with her new guy.

He even mentioned to me that he once called the girl when he got drunk (it was already 2 yrs since theybroke up). But the girl refused to talk to him cause he's not in his senses, and instead her boyfriend talked to him over the phone. He was very upset at that....and I can feel how hurt he was when he shared that experience to me.

He's definitely not over her. And I don't want to enter into a rebound relationship... (or maybe, I was just assuming that all of our texting and 'dating' had a romantic meaning..)

Despite that, we still continued communicating with each other. I'm very tolerant of his vices like computer gaming and gambling. Sometimes, we even go out together to have a drinking competition, one-on-one. Of course, I am always the loser. He also had this kind of a 'financial problem', so I lent him some cash to deal with that. I didn't bother to investigate if he was telling the true reason behind his problem. But I sensed that he will be using part of that money for gaming.

One day, we met each other in town. He wanted to meet my friends so I led him to where my friends were staying (at the mall). Unfortunately, while we were on our way to the mall, we accidentally bumped into our ex-classmates... many of them were asking if we were really dating. They were also asking if he's really over with his ex-gf. I was busy talking to some of our ex-classmates that i didn't hear how he responded to those questions. Then he suddenly said goodbye to us including me. I wasn't able to respond, and he immediately went away, without meeting my friends at the mall.

After that, I apologized for not being able to say goodbye..

he said it was okay. And asked me where i was.

I told him i had to visit a salon to had my hair cut-off.

He replied telling me I should go home.

I asked him where he was..

Then i found out, he was with his other "ex", the teacher he was flirting with.

I was really furious at that time. How could he meet up with that person after meeting up with me?

I was so furious that i asked the hairdresser to cut my hair really short.

(And o yeah, what a small world. My personal hairdresser had to move to another salon because the previous salon he was working for had a new owner--and guess who the new owner is? It's his teacher's family).

Anyway, I was really furious that after I found that he was with his teacher, I stopped texting him for... 2 days. He was flooding my chatbox, and inbox as well. But I wasn't responding.

Then he asked me what's wrong with me?

After that I was bullying him for an entire day. I was very snobbish at my replies. He didn't liked it.

He asked, why did I change all of a sudden? what is wrong with me?

Oh yeah.. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? how could I get mad at him when we weren't even exclusively dating? I wasn't even his girlfriend, nor he was courting me. I don't even have the right to get jealous.

After realizing such, I APOLOGIZED TO HIM, saying that i was just using him as a scapegoat. that I have some other problems and that I just displaced all my frustrations at him.

Now, were back the way we were before. And I'm now considering him as a special friend.


I don't want to assume anymore... so i'm trying to hold back all the feelings that I have for him.


But there I'm really curious about one thing......

Do you think he has some feelings for me?
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Old 09-03-2010, 12:12 PM   #2
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Welcome to ATLF, glad that you have joined us here & posted.

I don't know, it seems to me after all that you have written here that he may consider you a good friend of his. Especially if he is still hung up on his ex of 2 years & he hangs with another ex.

He hasn't made any romantic gestures towards you, has he? Like something that would make it really spot on that he is interested in your as more than a friend?
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