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Old 10-19-2010, 04:48 AM   #1
utterlyconfused
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Default Whatever love is...

.... it sucks.

It is so hard to fall in love and find someone and go through the whole relationship deal. I've noticed that every time I start falling for someone and it has any potential at all... I freak out and somehow end it. I think it's some sort of unconscious thing I do. At first, I would point to all the "logical" things wrong with whatever situation I was in. "The guy doesn't like me"... "The 'signs' are all wrong"... "He's not what I'm looking for." After a little over a year of this, I've realized that it honestly is just me.

I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing. I mean, before recently I had no experience with guys whatsoever, and now I have some. But I wish I had had some sooner. I don't know what could have happened to me in the past to bring about these feelings, but I'm always so scared about getting close to someone! On the one hand I really really want to be in a relationship, but on the other I'm too scared to committ. I can't get myself to tell the other person how I feel, and I can barely admitt my feelings to my closest friends!

I feel like if I do, people are going to laugh at me. That they'll be like, "yeah right, you like him? well he doesn't"... or idk. something like that. Mocked. But I know that wouldn't happen. I mean, I don't do that to my friends... and they're not the type of people to do that to me. But I can't get over it!

Now looking back, even those things I thought could have been some form of a relationship, are nothing. The idea of it was never brought up. So, who knows if the other person even felt the same way. And if they did, I'm pretty sure I sent so many mixed signals that they were as confused as I was. =/

I feel like I should go back and like apologize to people. I know that sounds weird, but idk. I need to know what happened.. and how to stop this from happening again and again. The only thing is, I honestly am super sensitive about this issue. I'm pretty sure I'd start crying if the topic ever did come up. Probably not balling, but there would be tears. Even thinking about potential discussions brings them about..

Does anyone have any idea on how to stop being so sensitive to everything? I care a LOT about what people think of me, probably too much. Random strangers and aquaintances don't bother me as much, but when it comes to people I'm trying to impress or am close to it really gets to me if they don't like something about me or if I've offended them somehow..
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:06 PM   #2
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I know it's hard, but you have to try to develop a "thick skin" when it comes to people that you are close to & you wanting them to approve of you & think well of you.

I used to be a "people pleaser" & care about what they thought of me as well. I was always so preoccupied with taking care of friends/family that I didn't notice I was being used left & right & also being talked about behind my back, until it was too late. When the sh** started hitting the fan I was being battered from all angles, I hated it because I was hurt, angry & just felt like I was nothing at all. Then though after I got over all of it, I like re-created myself in to a person that now doesn't care what people think of me, plus I now stick up for myself (I didn't do that before either).

Think of it this way hun, if ANY of your friends starts bad mouthing you, whatever because you shared something with him/her, then that person wasn't the REAL FRIEND that you thought they were. You can do 1 of 2 things, tell them where they can go, OR fade in to the background & kick them out of your life quietly.

Have you thought about talking to a counselor about how you seem to like to keep things bottled up so much in your relationships/friendships?
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:25 PM   #3
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Hey Sapphire,

Thanks for the reply.. you always have great advice =)

I think I'm still in that "people pleaser" type stage. I just tend to give so much of myself into relationships with friends and family, that it ends up getting taken for granted. I think that's when things get to me the most. Just cause I try so hard sometimes, but don't get that same level back. At least from most people... there's a handful of people that are exceptions.

As for the counselor, I never really thought about it. It might be something helpful to look in to. I really need to figure out how to be more open with people.

Thanks again
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:37 PM   #4
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I'm not always an advocate for counseling/psychiatry, but sometimes places like here can't always help to get to roots of possible problems.

I know it's hard to open up to people. Back when I was a "people pleaser", I used to tell people all my business. That lead to alot of bogus rumors, talking behind my back, you name it, it was done.

When all that crap escalated (it was hitting me pretty much all at that same time), I had no idea where to go, who to yell at first, etc.. I had 1 friend through it all that helped me, she got me away from the idiots & proved to be the real friend that I really only needed.

Anyway...now that I've re-created myself, I find it hard to open up to people as easily as I used to. Which is a good thing because you should be a little standoffish to new people & sometimes even the people you have in your life.

You can be open with your friends/relationships, but you don't have to be totally open. There will be certain people in your life that you can "let it all hang out" & know they won't judge you, talk about you, think badly of you. Then there may be a person/people that you will find that you can tell little things to, you can still be open, but not AS OPEN.

I think it's all about reading people which in itself is hard as hell to figure out. Heck I'm still learning & have made mistakes, but the mistakes haven't been as bad as they were in the past.
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