Visit our other forums: Orchid Forum Gardening Forums Bonsai Forum Citrus Forum Fat Cat Forum Appraisers Forum Vegatarian Forum Disney Forum Hawaii Forum


Don't know how to proceed. Agressive? Patient? - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love
     Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love
Go Back   Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love > Love & Relationships > Love Discussion

Love Discussion Ask the Love Forum a question about someone you love or someone that loves you.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-19-2010, 04:22 AM   #1
Equanimous
Newbie
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 2
Equanimous is on a distinguished road
Heart2 Don't know how to proceed. Agressive? Patient?

Hi everyone, I'm new here and just kind of wanted to get some feedback on a somewhat uneasy situation I am in. I was really impressed reading around the forums here. Everyone is free to be really open and honest. I like, I like.

I am currently single and have been for about a year now after ending a long and arduous 3 year relationship. Recently, I've started to get back in the mood to date and I realized I'd forgotten how many women there are out there! I've gone out with a few girls here and there but nothing serious.
About a month ago, I met up with an ex-girlfriend of mine whom I dated right before the girl I had the long 3 year relationship with. Her and I were always great together and it was without doubt my "healthiest" relationship ever. However, I had to move out of town for grad school and our attempts at working on a long distance relationship failed. I then met my most recent girlfriend at school (the 3 yr relationship one) and we hit it off and I pretty much forgot about her.

Now, I'm back in my hometown and I see her quite often. She is currently in a relationship with a decent enough guy. But, I know her well and approached her about how she felt when I sensed something was off. The summary of what she said is that she's happy-ish but somethings missing. He's just not her type of guy.

Over the past month since we first met up again, I am almost ashamed to say that I think I may have fallen in love with her all over again. I just don't know how I should act on these emotions. On the one hand, I hate the thought of being a sleezebag and trying to break her and her current boyfriend apart. But on the other hand, I know how much better we are together and how much happier I can make her. When we are together, I know she can sense it too. We talk often about our past together and she has said to me that she was heartbroken when I started dating my last girlfriend.
I'm not in doubt about our feelings for each other. I know she still has some of them for me, even though she hasn't said so. We just know each other that well. It's kinda lame but I can see it in the way she looks at me.


Sorry for rambling, I'll cut it off here and simplify.
So, should I be pursuing this possible "love of my life / soul-mate" scenario even though she is involved with someone else? If so, how?
Or, should I just wait it out and see what happens -- taking the chance that I wait too long and she settles down with the guy she's with? Maybe she wants me to approach her about it?

I should point out that we're both in our mid to late 20's. We both want children. We both would like to get married at some point in life. These things worry me as I may be on a time limit here.
Equanimous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-19-2010, 07:40 AM   #2
TracyJ
Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
 
TracyJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Uk
Posts: 6,059
TracyJ will become famous soon enoughTracyJ will become famous soon enough
Default

Hi..welcome to the ATLF.

I would like to say...as horrible as it sounds that maybe you need to be a little selfish here...I think it is obvious to me that you and this girl belong together....it is never nice to break someone up from a relationship...but if you and her are meant to be together then you just have to go for it. Make sure that you do it as painlessly as possible..make sure you don't cheat and make sure she is in the drivers seat through the whole thing. Sit down and talk to her, tell her everything you are feeling...make sure that she wants this to...if she decides that she wants to be with you then she will need to go and finish her current relationship properly before starting a new one with you. She might need time to do this so you will need to be patient.

The main thing here is you need to tell her how you feel and don't bottle it up and don't leave it....I was in a relationship for 11 months and about 2 months in I met the man that I am meant to be with...we have everything in common and we are just perfect for each other...I went through about 7 months of pain and heartbreak because neither of us dare tell each other how we felt about one another...one day he told me he loved me and that he couldn't bare to be in my life anymore unless he could be with me and it hurt him because he knew he could never have me....I knew then instantly that I had to come home and be with him...we had pratically been talking to each other 24/7 for months anyway and I hardly spoke to my EX BF anymore even though we lived together.

If you have met the person you are meant to be with then you have to go for it and don't worry about what is right and what is wrong...life just doesn't work like that....me and my BF have both lost friends to be together and I am happier than I ever could have imagined...being with your best friend well its just amazing...and I get the same vibe from you...Good luck
TracyJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-19-2010, 12:58 PM   #3
**Sapphire**
Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
 
**Sapphire**'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 17,189
**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future
Default

Welcome to ATLF! Glad that you joined us here.

I disagree with Teej. Nobody should ever break apart a couple, that smacks of selfishness.

If your ex isn't happy in her current relationship then she needs to make the decision to talk to him about. They can either work on it to make it better, or to let each other go.

You & her can't have your "cake & eat it too". She's in a relationship & it's up to her to decide where she wants it to go.
__________________
**Sapphire** is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-20-2010, 02:59 AM   #4
Equanimous
Newbie
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 2
Equanimous is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks you both for your replies.
Sapphire - But I feel that if I wait too long, she may just stay with him in the end. Its not that she is unhappy. Its more that her and I have a unique bond. But we havent spoken about our current feelings for eachother at all. What if she wants me to say something to her? I don't want to have the regret of "Why didn't I tell her how I felt. Why didnt I say something to her?"
Equanimous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-20-2010, 10:54 AM   #5
TracyJ
Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
 
TracyJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Uk
Posts: 6,059
TracyJ will become famous soon enoughTracyJ will become famous soon enough
Default

I still stick by my original point....tell her how you feel there is nothing wrong with that..it's what she does next that is up to her...life isn't black and white all the time and sometimes you have to live in the grey area and do selfish things to be happy..it's not nice to think about..it's not nice knowing you might hurt someone else to be happy...but sometimes in life you kind of have to ignore all that and do what you need to and be happy.

Tell her and see what she says...she may turn around and say that she doesn't want to try again with you and you will have to be prepared with that answer....but you won't know until you try.

If she decides that she wants to try again then like I said before make sure she is in control of the whole thing, don't rush her and don't cheat...don't act on it until she is single and she is ready..she may break up with him and need time before she is ready to be with you and you will have to be prepared for that...if you are meant to be then you will only find out by telling her.
TracyJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-20-2010, 11:45 AM   #6
**Sapphire**
Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
 
**Sapphire**'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 17,189
**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future**Sapphire** has a brilliant future
Default

I believe when it comes to relationships/marriage, too many people these days are selfish & think only of themselves. That why divorce rates are so high & monogamy seems to have gone out the window for alot of couples.

Anyway...if you feel that telling her how you feel is going to help then that's your decision.

Best of luck to you & keep us posted.
__________________
**Sapphire** is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2010, 10:34 AM   #7
aces88
Photobucket
PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket
 
aces88's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Fighting Irish and Cornfields.
Posts: 302
aces88 is a name known to allaces88 is a name known to allaces88 is a name known to allaces88 is a name known to allaces88 is a name known to allaces88 is a name known to all
Default

Hmm I'm probably beating a dead horse here, but seriously consider what decision you make Equanimous. You guys might just enjoy talking about the past and the memories you share, but I'm not in your position so I can't really tell. Either way I'd say brace yourself for whatever happens and best wishes.
__________________
I wanted to live the life, a different life. I didn't want to go to the same place every day and see the same people and do the same job. I wanted interesting challenges.

- Harrison Ford
aces88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
advice, dilemma, past love, real love



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Love is patient? Not for meeee HisEyesGlimmer Love Discussion 1 05-04-2009 11:39 AM
Celebrity surgeon had oral sex with patient Tony News Events 4 08-28-2008 05:51 PM
Patient dies at 1E Tony News Events 0 01-10-2008 01:10 PM

Photobucket
Free Vote Caster from Bravenet.com Free Vote Caster from Bravenet.com

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:35 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Relationship Forum Ask The Love Forum