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Old 04-25-2012, 09:47 PM   #1
moonlight9369
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Question The Story of a Miserable Soul

Thanks for reading this. I really could do with some advice on how to deal with my situation.

It all started last year when I ended up having a majority of classes with a boy. I am a quiet person so we didn't really talk. But he ended up having a hude crush on me. He never made a proper move on me but we texted each other for a while. And that was it. He is, well to be blatantly honest, an arrogant, loud, sometimes self-centered, mean and judgemental person. But for some reason he has always been nice and delicate with me. He is smart too which justifies his stupidity. I never told him but I had a huge crush on him as well. Well, then why didn't I tell him? I am very goal-oriented, and arrogant myself. Never having been a relationship, it is hard for me to just give all the control away to a person I don't even know that well. And I am just afraid of intimacy, and worried about how awkward it might be. He thinks I am "mysterious," which I am, and that makes him want me more. But if he just gets me then that eliminates the mysterious part and I am afraid there won't be anything between us after that. Also, most of our conversations are usually filled with lots of sassy and sarcastic comments and jokes. We never had a normal conversation. And I always try to shoot him down or insult him. I do not know why I do that but I assume its a defense mechanism to stop myself from liking him. I really wish I did not like him because he moves on so quickly, but wants me nevertheless. And he also enjoys my sass and the fact that I show no obvious interest in him. Before I go any further, NOTE: i do not want to be in a relationship with him (maybe in the future) but all I want is to hang out more with him, and then see where things go.

Now, this last weekend, we had a field trip to a different city and hence, I saw him more than I usually did. He still likes me just the same. And what I thought was long gone came back, and I realized I liked him too. But when he made an honest move in getting closer to me, I shot him down about 10 times, all the while saying "yes" in my mind, and "no" out loud. I think I did that because of my ego. And I always said "no" to him, so saying "yes" would've been a big deal (maybe?) I am really stupid and I regret it. But after getting back to home, all I can think is that it is due to my inaction that I will never have what I want. Now both of us are back at school, we have like no classes together this year and we barely see each other. I feel like I am never going to get another opportunity but I know that's a lie because I can make opportunities anytime I want. The question remains how....

(Sorry for the long post, but I really need a solution.)
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:15 PM   #2
LovingMe
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Being in a Long distance relationship can be a challenge. There's always that eagerness of wanting to be closer to the one you love rather than frequently apart. Long distance relationships can be successful as well. As long as two individuals agree to faithful commitment and love each other, who can break them apart? There's a new website that focuses on Love, Long Distance Relationships, and Finding a connection with the one you love; it's called MyPillowTalk. They have nice gift ideas for long distance loved ones and monthly blogs and Facebook inspirations to help your love grow and inspire.
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Old 05-07-2012, 06:27 AM   #3
cisslybee2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlight9369 View Post
Thanks for reading this. I really could do with some advice on how to deal with my situation.

It all started last year when I ended up having a majority of classes with a boy. I am a quiet person so we didn't really talk. But he ended up having a hude crush on me. He never made a proper move on me but we texted each other for a while. And that was it. He is, well to be blatantly honest, an arrogant, loud, sometimes self-centered, mean and judgemental person. But for some reason he has always been nice and delicate with me. He is smart too which justifies his stupidity. I never told him but I had a huge crush on him as well. Well, then why didn't I tell him? I am very goal-oriented, and arrogant myself. Never having been a relationship, it is hard for me to just give all the control away to a person I don't even know that well. And I am just afraid of intimacy, and worried about how awkward it might be. He thinks I am "mysterious," which I am, and that makes him want me more. But if he just gets me then that eliminates the mysterious part and I am afraid there won't be anything between us after that. Also, most of our conversations are usually filled with lots of sassy and sarcastic comments and jokes. We never had a normal conversation. And I always try to shoot him down or insult him. I do not know why I do that but I assume its a defense mechanism to stop myself from liking him. I really wish I did not like him because he moves on so quickly, but wants me nevertheless. And he also enjoys my sass and the fact that I show no obvious interest in him. Before I go any further, NOTE: i do not want to be in a relationship with him (maybe in the future) but all I want is to hang out more with him, and then see where things go.

Now, this last weekend, we had a field trip to a different city and hence, I saw him more than I usually did. He still likes me just the same. And what I thought was long gone came back, and I realized I liked him too. But when he made an honest move in getting closer to me, I shot him down about 10 times, all the while saying "yes" in my mind, and "no" out loud. I think I did that because of my ego. And I always said "no" to him, so saying "yes" would've been a big deal (maybe?) I am really stupid and I regret it. But after getting back to home, all I can think is that it is due to my inaction that I will never have what I want. Now both of us are back at school, we have like no classes together this year and we barely see each other. I feel like I am never going to get another opportunity but I know that's a lie because I can make opportunities anytime I want. The question remains how....

(Sorry for the long post, but I really need a solution.)
No. Your post isn't long at all. You expressed what you're feeling and that can't be shot over in a few sentences. And I know where you're coming from because I been there when I was a teen. There was this guy I like so hard, and I did all the things you described doing, and nothing ever jumped off between us. But here's I want to say to you:

Don't put yourself down or feel that you were stupid to put up a defense to him because that was simply your natural sense protecting you from trouble. Just because you feel attraction to a guy doesn't mean that you're supposed to collapse on him and have him take over as you mentioned giving him control of you. You never do anything like that because it's never necessary for anyone to have control over you. Having a man you dig doesn't mean the end of your independence. So be thankful for the strength you have rather than knocking yourself for not acting silly.

He gave you plenty of reason to attack him and precisely why you did. Don't make yourself out as the bad guy and he the good guy. He literally sounds like the same loser I had it bad for. If he really dug you then he'd be hanging around you as often as possible. He sounds like a typical bad boy to me. And people are typically attracted to trouble. If you will just read some of the post in this forum from guys, they're experiencing the same thing you are. An attraction to somebody showing no real interest in them.

Hey, those are the brakes. But what I did back then was hold out and did nothing. I didn't know anything about life then, but I wasn't blind. I could see that all he wanted from me was sex. I was thinking about him all the time but he wasn't thinking about me ever. And I could see that. So I let it go. And that's what you need to do. Let it go.
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Old 05-18-2012, 10:07 PM   #4
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Thanks a lot for the advice. I really appreciate it. It is very true that if he really did like me, then he'd make a better effort. I have been trying my best to let him go since the beginning, and I know I eventually will completely let go of the crazy idea that anything with him is plausible even in the future
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Old 05-19-2012, 11:53 AM   #5
cisslybee2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlight9369 View Post
Thanks a lot for the advice. I really appreciate it. It is very true that if he really did like me, then he'd make a better effort. I have been trying my best to let him go since the beginning, and I know I eventually will completely let go of the crazy idea that anything with him is plausible even in the future
You're very welcome.

And yes.

You will forget in time.

I know what the heart throbbing feels like. But trust your own instincts that your peace of mind and dignity is by far more valuable than any man wanting sex could ever be. No man in that condition can ever compare to the value of a clean spirit in dignity.

When a guy is truly interested in you, you will know it because he will show it. And he will surely respect you.
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