im so lost and dont what to do anymore help plz - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love

Candy0430 · 11-24-2009, 04:08 AM

I been over with my ex a couple weeks now and i can tell he hates me in my guts i have no way of restarting the relationship or remain as friends with him... I really want to restart everything and change all the things i done wrong but he wont give me a second chance and i found out he moved on we been thru so much can he seriosly drop the feelings like that???

i thought about calling him on his birthday and start of fresh with him but im scared he will say some mean stuff to me so im lost there and are family are friends so i still have to see him in future and i dont know how am i suppose to stand him when i still have deep deep feelin for him i want him back so bad but how please help me...

**Sapphire** · 11-24-2009, 11:54 AM

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here.

I'm sorry that you are going through this rough time.

Why do you think that your ex hates you so much?

raybork · 11-24-2009, 12:46 PM

No, he will not have dropped those feelings he has for you. It's just not that easy to turn off strong emotional attachment.
He is angry with you for what you have done, the mistakes you have made. You should consider sending him a birthday card. Do not include a pleading letter, just a nice card with a simple message. Will it then be possible to find out his reaction to it from family and friends?.
If your card was respectful, he just may not have torn it up in anger. If that is the case, then give it a few days and write again. Inquire if he got the card ok, and could you arrange to talk. Take it from there!

Good Luck!

Candy0430 · 11-24-2009, 10:56 PM

well i think he hates me so much because he went and told all his friends that i cheated an he hates me and that im a slut but im really not i might have low shirts on special ocassions or when its a really nice day but other wise i dress apporpriate enough and not look like one.... BUt he said he has no feelings for me anymore and i dont want that i want him to still have feelings and come back to me and my friends told me to send him a message saying "hey i apologize everything that has happened btwn us and i agree with you about the break up and i hope we can catch up later in the future as in friends." he read it and no reply so im like alright whatever maybe ill try again next summer when i go camping if he there. but about his birthday i just thought about calling him at night time if he answer say happy birthday and say whats new and just catch up as in friends if he doesnt should i leave a voicemail???

raybork · 11-25-2009, 06:57 AM

Candy0430, He is so angry with you for cheating on him,that he is telling his friends that you are a slut, nothing to do with the clothes you wear. A similar situation happened to me many years ago,so I understand what he is going through. He feels a lot of pain, and so his anger will take some time to subside. You need to give him some space.
He will just not want to hear from you yet, it's too soon and his emotions are raw.'Catching up as friends' will not work. He may never want to hear from you again.
You could try voicemail,don't plead for him to get back with you. Keep your message simple and dignified.
I hope it works out for you.

LADY LOVE · 11-25-2009, 08:19 PM

Candy...time heals all wounds. I too cheated on my ex and he was so ****** with me. We stopped speaking for a couple of months. Eventually when his birthday came around, I called him and wished him a happy birthday, the conversation went well and he and I are still friends to this day.

I would say that it depends on the person. Because some people do not want to keep their ex as a friend. But, because you all are in the same circle, you are going to have to get to a point where you can at least be cordial. There is a saying...sometimes when women cheat, it is harder for the woman to be forgiven as opposed to if the shoe were on the other foot.

Good luck and one thing I can add...do not beg him, you were wrong, you admitted your mistake, lift your head high and keep on movin.

Candy0430 · 11-26-2009, 06:39 PM

the thing is i didnt cheat on him i just ran away from the auestion "Do You Flirt With Other Guys?" i ran away form the question twice and answerd it the 3rd time saying no and i have a neckalace of his and im seeing him this Saturday so i willl give it back then what should i do plus he my parents friends son so i see him alot.... and he said he thinks he dateing this girl cause they kiss at skul or something and i want him back by saturday i dont know should i be like hey can i talk to you alone and tell him how i feel and he calling me a slut cause how i dress and supposably because i cheated when i didnt

Findingdbest · 11-27-2009, 12:44 PM

It is time to move on. Finding oneself is lost when in a immatured relationship. Go on with your life and keep yourself busy.

Candy0430 · 11-27-2009, 11:23 PM

I been trying to move on and i thought i was over him but the last time i saw him my heart was beaing so fast and once i left i started crying on my friend shoulder cause i missed him so much i been trying to get over him and i thought i did but the truth is i didnt he was such a sweet and caring boyfrind and i dont know what i got until its gone...i been keeping life busy but its not working so well and i see him tomorrow im so nervous i really want him back any ideas please help

Billie2008 · 11-27-2009, 11:58 PM

All you can do is be yourself and tell him exactly how you feel. Be honest with him, apoligise and tell him exactly what you have told us.

Don't try an minipulate him to get back with you, he has to go want to get back with you, otherwise it will never work out. Goodluck and let us know what happended.

Candy0430 · 11-28-2009, 02:55 AM

alright hope it will work out should i ask him to go on a walk and tell him im sorry and tell him that what he said hurts me but he has a girlfriend??

**Sapphire** · 11-28-2009, 02:33 PM

He has a girlfriend now? If he does, then I would suggest not telling him that you want to be back together.

You could apologize for the things that you may have done in the relationship, but I would advise against telling him you still love him as he has a girlfriend.

Candy0430 · 11-28-2009, 05:03 PM

why would it ruin it more

Candy0430 · 11-28-2009, 05:06 PM

he said he azzumes it to be his girlfriend because they do pecks at school but as in him if they were really really dateing then they would go to movies and stuff like that.... to me i think i still have the chance tonight as long as there not that close yet

Billie2008 · 11-28-2009, 05:10 PM

well we've give you all the advice we can, if you know what you want why are you asking for advice if you know what you want to do? I agree with what Sapphire said, theres not much more you can do, than that. goodluck

Candy0430 · 11-28-2009, 05:31 PM

yea true so just be friends with him for awhile is what i should do

i found out he doiesnt havent a girlfriend

Billie2008 · 11-28-2009, 06:20 PM

Why did he say he did? just say to him, look I'm sorry, and I would like to give it another try and try and make things up, its then upto him. There really is not much more to it than that. Goodluck.

Candy0430 · 11-29-2009, 07:24 AM

I hung out with him and my friend today we went on a walk and i was just being myself and acting like nothing was wrong and my friend went and took her own action and told him i had a boyfriend it seemed like his tone raised and got mad but idk.... when he was about to leave my friend ask him to say and he asked his parent's so if he asked it didnt seem like he hated me that much if he talked to me also....nothin happin but i called him hours later and i said im board talk to me he was like no thankyou i got to go eat and my minutes are low i said bye and he hung up on me the rest of the night i felt terrible idk know what to do anymore i know i should move on but then i dont want to i miss him and i know i still love him..... i started sitting in the house in diffrent rooms and i just bawled on my friend shoulder so many memories with him and i just miss him like hell..i hate life i wish it can be over with

**Sapphire** · 11-29-2009, 03:21 PM

Never wish your life over with Candy, you have so much more to give to somoene else & so much living to do.

I know you're hurting, but this isn't the end of the world. You do have a boyfriend & I think you should maybe concentrate on him & your relationship now.

Try to put this behind you, I know it's hard, but you have someone now & it's not fair to him for you to be pining away for your ex.

If there is something lacking in your current relationship, you need to talk about it & either work on it or break it off with him.

Candy0430 · 11-29-2009, 03:27 PM

i dont have a boyfriend my friend just said that to him and see how he reacts and it seems like he got mad cause he started cursing and raiseing his tone.... by the second time i called him yeserday he didnt answer it because he knew it was me and i knew he was awake... if he doesnt answer does it mean he doenst want any thing to deal with me anymore

charles457 · 12-21-2009, 05:24 PM

I would advise you to tell him your feelings right now because the more you wait the faster he will move forward.

11-24-2009, 04:08 AM	#1
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	im so lost and dont what to do anymore help plz I been over with my ex a couple weeks now and i can tell he hates me in my guts i have no way of restarting the relationship or remain as friends with him... I really want to restart everything and change all the things i done wrong but he wont give me a second chance and i found out he moved on we been thru so much can he seriosly drop the feelings like that??? i thought about calling him on his birthday and start of fresh with him but im scared he will say some mean stuff to me so im lost there and are family are friends so i still have to see him in future and i dont know how am i suppose to stand him when i still have deep deep feelin for him i want him back so bad but how please help me...

11-24-2009, 11:54 AM	#2
Sapphire Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Illinois, USA Posts: 15,651	Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. I'm sorry that you are going through this rough time. Why do you think that your ex hates you so much? __________________

11-25-2009, 08:19 PM	#6
LADY LOVE Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	Candy...time heals all wounds. I too cheated on my ex and he was so ****** with me. We stopped speaking for a couple of months. Eventually when his birthday came around, I called him and wished him a happy birthday, the conversation went well and he and I are still friends to this day. I would say that it depends on the person. Because some people do not want to keep their ex as a friend. But, because you all are in the same circle, you are going to have to get to a point where you can at least be cordial. There is a saying...sometimes when women cheat, it is harder for the woman to be forgiven as opposed to if the shoe were on the other foot. Good luck and one thing I can add...do not beg him, you were wrong, you admitted your mistake, lift your head high and keep on movin. __________________ Hugs & Kisses, LADY LOVE ;-)

11-28-2009, 02:33 PM	#12
Sapphire Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Illinois, USA Posts: 15,651	He has a girlfriend now? If he does, then I would suggest not telling him that you want to be back together. You could apologize for the things that you may have done in the relationship, but I would advise against telling him you still love him as he has a girlfriend. __________________

11-29-2009, 03:21 PM	#19
Sapphire Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Illinois, USA Posts: 15,651	Never wish your life over with Candy, you have so much more to give to somoene else & so much living to do. I know you're hurting, but this isn't the end of the world. You do have a boyfriend & I think you should maybe concentrate on him & your relationship now. Try to put this behind you, I know it's hard, but you have someone now & it's not fair to him for you to be pining away for your ex. If there is something lacking in your current relationship, you need to talk about it & either work on it or break it off with him. __________________

11-24-2009, 12:46 PM	#3
raybork Love Struck Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Rugby, Warwickshire, England Posts: 42	No, he will not have dropped those feelings he has for you. It's just not that easy to turn off strong emotional attachment. He is angry with you for what you have done, the mistakes you have made. You should consider sending him a birthday card. Do not include a pleading letter, just a nice card with a simple message. Will it then be possible to find out his reaction to it from family and friends?. If your card was respectful, he just may not have torn it up in anger. If that is the case, then give it a few days and write again. Inquire if he got the card ok, and could you arrange to talk. Take it from there! Good Luck!

11-24-2009, 10:56 PM	#4
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	well i think he hates me so much because he went and told all his friends that i cheated an he hates me and that im a slut but im really not i might have low shirts on special ocassions or when its a really nice day but other wise i dress apporpriate enough and not look like one.... BUt he said he has no feelings for me anymore and i dont want that i want him to still have feelings and come back to me and my friends told me to send him a message saying "hey i apologize everything that has happened btwn us and i agree with you about the break up and i hope we can catch up later in the future as in friends." he read it and no reply so im like alright whatever maybe ill try again next summer when i go camping if he there. but about his birthday i just thought about calling him at night time if he answer say happy birthday and say whats new and just catch up as in friends if he doesnt should i leave a voicemail???

11-25-2009, 06:57 AM	#5
raybork Love Struck Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Rugby, Warwickshire, England Posts: 42	Candy0430, He is so angry with you for cheating on him,that he is telling his friends that you are a slut, nothing to do with the clothes you wear. A similar situation happened to me many years ago,so I understand what he is going through. He feels a lot of pain, and so his anger will take some time to subside. You need to give him some space. He will just not want to hear from you yet, it's too soon and his emotions are raw.'Catching up as friends' will not work. He may never want to hear from you again. You could try voicemail,don't plead for him to get back with you. Keep your message simple and dignified. I hope it works out for you.

11-26-2009, 06:39 PM	#7
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	the thing is i didnt cheat on him i just ran away from the auestion "Do You Flirt With Other Guys?" i ran away form the question twice and answerd it the 3rd time saying no and i have a neckalace of his and im seeing him this Saturday so i willl give it back then what should i do plus he my parents friends son so i see him alot.... and he said he thinks he dateing this girl cause they kiss at skul or something and i want him back by saturday i dont know should i be like hey can i talk to you alone and tell him how i feel and he calling me a slut cause how i dress and supposably because i cheated when i didnt

11-27-2009, 12:44 PM	#8
Findingdbest Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 3	It is time to move on. Finding oneself is lost when in a immatured relationship. Go on with your life and keep yourself busy.

11-27-2009, 11:23 PM	#9
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	I been trying to move on and i thought i was over him but the last time i saw him my heart was beaing so fast and once i left i started crying on my friend shoulder cause i missed him so much i been trying to get over him and i thought i did but the truth is i didnt he was such a sweet and caring boyfrind and i dont know what i got until its gone...i been keeping life busy but its not working so well and i see him tomorrow im so nervous i really want him back any ideas please help

11-27-2009, 11:58 PM	#10
Billie2008 Newbie Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 77	All you can do is be yourself and tell him exactly how you feel. Be honest with him, apoligise and tell him exactly what you have told us. Don't try an minipulate him to get back with you, he has to go want to get back with you, otherwise it will never work out. Goodluck and let us know what happended.

11-28-2009, 02:55 AM	#11
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	alright hope it will work out should i ask him to go on a walk and tell him im sorry and tell him that what he said hurts me but he has a girlfriend??

11-28-2009, 05:03 PM	#13
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	why would it ruin it more

11-28-2009, 05:06 PM	#14
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	he said he azzumes it to be his girlfriend because they do pecks at school but as in him if they were really really dateing then they would go to movies and stuff like that.... to me i think i still have the chance tonight as long as there not that close yet

11-28-2009, 05:10 PM	#15
Billie2008 Newbie Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 77	well we've give you all the advice we can, if you know what you want why are you asking for advice if you know what you want to do? I agree with what Sapphire said, theres not much more you can do, than that. goodluck

11-28-2009, 05:31 PM	#16
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	yea true so just be friends with him for awhile is what i should do i found out he doiesnt havent a girlfriend

11-28-2009, 06:20 PM	#17
Billie2008 Newbie Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 77	Why did he say he did? just say to him, look I'm sorry, and I would like to give it another try and try and make things up, its then upto him. There really is not much more to it than that. Goodluck.

11-29-2009, 07:24 AM	#18
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	I hung out with him and my friend today we went on a walk and i was just being myself and acting like nothing was wrong and my friend went and took her own action and told him i had a boyfriend it seemed like his tone raised and got mad but idk.... when he was about to leave my friend ask him to say and he asked his parent's so if he asked it didnt seem like he hated me that much if he talked to me also....nothin happin but i called him hours later and i said im board talk to me he was like no thankyou i got to go eat and my minutes are low i said bye and he hung up on me the rest of the night i felt terrible idk know what to do anymore i know i should move on but then i dont want to i miss him and i know i still love him..... i started sitting in the house in diffrent rooms and i just bawled on my friend shoulder so many memories with him and i just miss him like hell..i hate life i wish it can be over with

11-29-2009, 03:27 PM	#20
Candy0430 Newbie Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25	i dont have a boyfriend my friend just said that to him and see how he reacts and it seems like he got mad cause he started cursing and raiseing his tone.... by the second time i called him yeserday he didnt answer it because he knew it was me and i knew he was awake... if he doesnt answer does it mean he doenst want any thing to deal with me anymore

12-21-2009, 05:24 PM	#21
charles457 Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 8	I would advise you to tell him your feelings right now because the more you wait the faster he will move forward.

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