Our age difference has become a problem after 5 years!

[SecretlySad]

My boyfriend is 17 years my senior - I am 27 and he is 44.

For most of our relationship this was never a problem, I never saw his age, only the person he is, but lately it has started to really bother me. It has nothing to do with our different interests or anything like that, and he certainly doesn't act his age (not in an immature way) but over the past few years I have seen groups of my friends getting married - all to people their/my age (give or take maybe 1 or 2 years in between). This has started to really upset me and I dread receiving wedding invitations in the mail.

When we first started dating (I was 21, nearly 22), telling people his age was a huge novelty for me. It made me feel mature. But as the years have gone on that feeling has changed. I have realised that even though I truly do love him, maybe it would have been best if we had stayed friends. I don't want to marry him. We have spoken about it and I have told him it is just not a big deal for me when in reality something about marrying him doesn't sit well with me.

I worry a lot about the future too. When I reach the age he is now, he will be ready for retirement. I don't want to be working for nearly another 2 decades before joining my partner in retirement.
When I am finally of retirement age at 63, he will be 80. I know all of these things are a lifetime away, but we joked about it on the weekend and it kind of hit home with me. If we haven't had children by the time I am 33, he might be ok with being 60 years old at his child's 10th birthday party, but I am not ok with that. I know I should be but... I am just uncomfortable with it.

I only wish he was 15 or even 10 years younger! He is the perfect man. He treats me like a queen and still tells me he loves me every single day. He puts me first. He trusts me. He allows me all the freedom in the world. He supports me. He doesn't belittle me. He is my best friend. He wants nothing more out of life than to care for me and make me happy. I know I am never going to find a man as wonderful... but I can't shake this feeling and I don't know what to do.

How do you tell someone who you mean the absolute world to that you are having major, MAJOR issues over the one thing that they can't control or fix?!! And why has this started to bother me now?!!

[Tony]

welcome to the ATLF
nice to have you with us

I really don't have a problem with the age difference
I would not worry to much about your friends
be proud of your man show him off to the world
it sounds like to me you do have your perfect man

I think what you may need to do is explain to him what you have explained to us
the future is what you make it if this bothers you this much it just may split the two of you up

17 years is really no big deal unless you want it to be one

Quote] He is the perfect man. He treats me like a queen and still tells me he loves me every single day. He puts me first. He trusts me. He allows me all the freedom in the world. He supports me. He doesn't belittle me. He is my best friend. He wants nothing more out of life than to care for me and make me happy. I know I am never going to find a man as wonderful...

true love at its best in my opinion
many relationships don't have all of what you have said

lets say for a second that you were pregnant and then he died you would still have a child, a legacy of the love you both shared together
so what am I trying to say enjoy what you have nothing lasts for ever anything can happen in the future.

I hope I have helped you in some way

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined & posted with us.

I would agree with Tony. The thing you need to do if you haven't yet is talk to your boyfriend about all that you are feeling. If you haven't communicated to him these thoughts he's not going to know about them & will wonder why you may be a bit different around him.

Sure it won't be easy, but communication is key in a relationship, no matter if it's good or bad talking, you do need to communicate.

[raybork]

We can all tell you that age shouldn't come into it. My partner is 10 years younger than me, and we together talk about the future, I'm thankful we can do that. The future with your boyfriend fills you with dread.
The reality is you see no future with him anymore. It's not just him being a father to a 10 year old. Could it be you also feel you will outlive him, and it's that particular future,of being left alone that scares you.

I feel there will be changes in your relationship, and you are in that process now.

Best wishes for what ever you decide to do.

[Candy0430]

if you have true feelings for eachother i dont think you should care about the age i mean it would be weird for some one to date you thats older then you but it shouldnt really matter if you really love him just because your friends life diff. doesnt mean anything be yourself dont do what they do if he treats you like queen then enjoy it and dont be over with him for some dum reasons and s painful