What to do

[**Sapphire**]

As some of you know, my stepmother passed away from pancreatic cancer in October of this year.

Since then, I have tried to contact my sister. I have left messages for her & even texted her a couple times & she hasn't replied back.

This isn't like her & has me wondering what is going on.

I was told by my cousin that the reason my father has been mad at me since I have moved away from home is that I supposedly told people that he "kicked me out". Which I never once said something like that to anybody, everybody that I had talked to over the years, knew it was time for me to become an adult & move away from home when I did.

I have to wonder & so did my cousin if it was sister. She has acted weird the past few years. Maybe it's our over active imaginations, but the only person I talked to that would have told my father this lie would have been my sister. My father & I have no other friends in common etc..

Maybe that is the reason she hasn't called me back? Maybe she feels bad about what she did?? Maybe she knows she got caught out in her lie to my dad when he told my cousin what he did?

What do you guys think?

[raybork]

Can you write a letter, explaining everything you have detailed in the above post.
You have nothing to lose, as she is ignoring you.
Have you still got unresolved issues with your father?
I just don't understand these family breakdowns.
Good luck!

[**Sapphire**]

Yes I have unresolved issues with my dad. He chooses to believe the lie he was told & I can't convince him otherwise.

I could probably write my sister, but I figure if she isn't going to return a call then she's not going to respond to a letter.

My family is very stubborn & I honestly don't know why.

[raybork]

The thing with a letter is, you are in control of exactly how you express yourself to your sister. Write just what is on your mind,but in a way that is respectful and she is comfortable reading it.
In turn, there is a good chance your sister will read the letter because she will be curious, and under no pressure to respond immediately,as she would if it was a phone call.
Just see,it's likely she will contact you maybe with a return letter. I do understand if she is stubborn, but I can't believe she would be totally ignorant.

[BristolFan]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Sapphire.

However, a letter may be good yeah.

If she doesn't answer, or return calls - then you can't get whatever is on your chest, off your chest.

If you write her a letter, she is far more likely to open it and read it (whether she guesses the letter is from you or not)

You can ask questions and tell her how you feel, without her hanging up or butting in.

And you can feel assured a little more that you tried numerous methods, were honest, and said (or asked..) what you needed to.

If she doesn't respond, you know you've tried and could not do more.

Let your dad believe as he wishes, as there is little you can do, one day he will find out/realise the truth.

Maybe you should write to him too. Be honest with both. Say what you need to say, ask what you need to ask.

Put the ball in their courts - if they wish to carry on ignoring you or disbelieving you - that is up to them - atleast you have tried.

Good luck, I wish you all the best and hope things sort themselves out.

[**Sapphire**]

Thank you both ray & Bristol. I'm going to compose 2 letters, 1 to my sister & the other to my dad.

You both are right if they chose to ignore them, I will know that I've given it my all & that's all I could do. I can't make them talk to me if they really don't want to.

Thanks guys!

I'll update you all when I send the letters off & if I get a response too.

[BristolFan]

good

make sure your honest, and get out all you feel you need to, dont hold back on something you may regret not saying later.

and yes, keep us updated

good luck.