So confused. Please help me make sense of this.

[AmarilloSkies]

Hello, everyone. My name is "Kara," i'm new here.

Let me just give a warning beforehand, this will likely end up very long.

I have been dating my boyfriend "Jim" for three years now. I love him with all of my heart and I am no doubt in love with him. I also believe that he feels the same way about me.

Well, here is where the predicament comes in.
"Jim" moved about three-to-four hours away a few months ago. At first it wasn't too bad. It wasn't pleasant by any means, but it was bearable. Recently, however, it has become increasingly tough for me.
We went from seeing eachother almost daily to once a week, if we're lucky.
I know it doesn't sound like much to most people, but it is to me.

I am pretty much homebound for various reasons at the moment, so pretty much all I have to do all day is sit at home and miss "Jim." I don't really have friends, so I don't have oppurtunites to get out of the house and get my mind off of things.

Whenever "Jim" and I are together, everything feels normal and I am happy. But when he leaves, I am miserable. It seems like for every day of happiness, there are six days of depression.

In a nut shell, I am very much in love with "Jim," but i'm just not happy in the relationship anymore.

Lately I have been having these thoughts about how I miss being single and that I wish I could date other guys in my area. And then suddenly something will go off in my head and i'll want nothing more than to be with Jim and I chastise myself for thinking otherwise.

I am not going to state my age, but i'm pretty young. An adult, none-the-less, but still young. He was my first real relationship. "Jim" and I went through many trying stages together, and we also each lost our virginity to another. I don't know if this is part of the reason i'm scared to be without him, because we had so many firsts together.
I try to imagine myself without him, and I can't. It sends me into a tizzy. It's like I don't know who I am without him, like I don't have an identity without him.

Whenever "Jim" and I are together, all I want is a family with him. A home and kids everywhere.
When we're not together, though, I just want to go be premiscuous and play the field.

I am so, so, so confused. All I want is some clarity.

If anyone can offer any amount of advice, I would be more than grateful.

Thanks to anyone who read.

[fusnot]

"I try to imagine myself without him, and I can't. It sends me into a tizzy. It's like I don't know who I am without him, like I don't have an identity without him."

This is your problem. Figure out who you are. No one can do it for you.

Also, to me it sounds like you are used to him, you still have feelings for him, but you also want to be with other guys. Thats ok too. It's not the end of the world. It also sounds to me like you are feeling lonely, more than you love him.

Just figure out who you are wand what you want first. Be honest with yourself. That may be hard, but it is necessary in order to be happy.

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here.

I agree with fusnot, you need to figure out who you are & maybe even where you want to be before you can know for sure about your relationship. You mentioned you are a little housebound.

Do you have any hobbies or things that you can do while you are at home? Something that will take your mind off "Jim" so much?