how to deal with racists

[aussiecoffee007]

okay, my mom is a racist against hispanic people... she is open about it, she admits it but doesnt see it as a bad thing "you need to respect my opinions" etc but ive listened to her, i know why she feels the way she does and it in no way validates how strong and bigoted she is... ive tried talking to her about it too but she doesnt want to listen, only says, "lets not be unpleasant" but the main problem is... im dating a hispanic man and she doesnt know about it or else we would never speak again and i would be sent away to some boarding school or some odd...
shes getting really hard to deal with or even talk to, i love spanish love spanish culture and the people but she wont let me listen to spanish radio or even speak spanish in the house...

I NEED HELPPPP

[mashmac]

That is a very delicate situation Aussie. Racism ... a horrible thing indeed. Probably one of the worst.
And you are lucky to have been able to form your own opinion and not to be influenced by hers. How does your dad see it? Could he help?
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
The bottom line is - you are a grown up and unfortunately it doesn't sound like she is willing to listen. So one day you will just have to decide to live your life the way you think is right and be with the man you want to be with even if it means your mum won't accept it. And hope that with time and perhaps once you have a family - she will realize how it doesn't really matter.
Getting into conflict with her will only reinforce her position.
We can't force people to change, we can hope they will adapt, understand. I'll think a bit more about it and get back to you. I wonder if something in her life trigerred such hatred.... And I wonder how if she is a practicing Christian she explains that to God. Have you tried to ask her that? It's contrary to all God's teachings. It's a sin. And a heavy one.

[Tuxie]

Ugghh... racism. Yeah, it's ugly. I'm so sorry for you aussie, it is a tough situation. Mashmac brought up a good question. What's your Dad's stance on it?

[lisa843]

I agree with ya'll...it does go against what God says to be racist.

My mother and father were closet racist when I was young..later in life they realized they were wrong. I am glad they did. It took my mother hitting rock bottom with alcohol abuse and going to AA to find out how wrong she was. And my father having a stroke and I had to take care of him to find understanding and compassion. Also, she was not as accepting because my sister and I had an attraction for black men..we both ended up having children by black men. My mother and father had no choice but to learn to accept it.... because they had grandchildren that were bi-racial and they loved the children very much.

I just hope and pray things work out for you. Stand firm in your beliefs and take it one day at a time. Best of luck. take care. :)

[Riggs]

Say..God, that one is yours.

[~Teej~]

Thats an awful thing to have to deal with Aussie..I am just thankful that my parents are open about everything so racism has never been an issue for my family. I don't understand how people can be like it but it might be that when you parents were being brought up it was more acceptable to have racist views.

Your mum will just have to come to understand that you love your boyfriend and nothing she will say will change that.

[aussiecoffee007]

my dad for hte most part is on my side, but the problem is my mom is very dominating, definitely "wears the pants" in that relationship, and he is overshadowed every time he opens his mouth to speak a word, so his opinion is not much help... he is very passive but he agrees with me and hates that my mom is so racist. it makes both of us sad, me mad AND sad.
but see right now, i am under her jurisdiction so this means my relationship with him is secret, all the time, we cant even talk for real when she is home, becasue... its so horrible and she is judgmental. she wouldnt let me speak to him.
i know, but she says i need to "respect her life experiences" and when i bring God into it, she says he understands and i shoudnt bring him into it, and leave it alone.
and she is one of those silent racist types, who says it all to me but not to anyone else, she doesnt see it as a bad thing that she needs help for so its impossible to help her, so... she said to me, straight up "i am a racist but you need to respect my views" but i cant... hse also grounds me for stuff like making quesadillas or saying hola instead of hello. and she definitely controls my relationship, im under her control but i want out.

[mashmac]

You will be out, that is the only way for you. I like everything latino too by the way. I guess as long as live under her roof, you have to cope somehow.
She knows how you feel about it and might not realize that soon you will be old enough to have your own life and do what you want. I wonder if she realizes that. It must be incredibly hard because she is your mum and you love her.
Does your dad know about your boyfriend?

[aussiecoffee007]

no, they both know i have a "crush" but my dad suspects more, but they both think nothing will come of it since hes older and lives so far away. i know, but "soon enough" just doenst seem soon enough, i dont see how i can stay in this house and keep a sane mind, or an open one for that matter, she just poisons everything. and i WILL get out of here but i want out now, i guess. just wondering what to do when you want out.

[mashmac]

Well I guess it really depends on whether you can afford it. If you can - you can move out. That's the bottom line.

[aussiecoffee007]

i cant move out, im still in school and im full time so i cant get a job... plus what would i even do in colombia for a living, ive had none of their schooling so they woudnt recognize me... :(