Mental Abuse

[audreycsmith]

He is a mommies boy
Calling her several times a day
I wonder, "How Come?"
What's important to say
If the calls aren't there
Then she often appears
Doesn't matter what we are doing
And then my body starts to brewing
I can't help the way I feel
I know she doesn't like me
But when I question him about it
He screams and has a fit
"My mother does a lot"
He saids to me quite often
I don't care what she has done
It doesn't mean that she has won
The right to rule our home
And start a fight in our marriage
For twenty four years so far
I want to run and go elsewhere
But love and time I stay and bare
I don't know why I feel so depressed
So I am asking you to answer the rest

[pawzaddict]

Im sorry did you say this has been going on for 24 years?

[**Sapphire**]

Have you ever thought of doing at trial separation from your husband Audrey?

[audreycsmith]

Yes, it has been 24 years of oral abuse, no thanks to his love for his mom and his brother, who is in our life everyday.

I thought about leaving him, but I know that most of our arguments are inflicted by words from his mother, brother, or his friends.

I had two children by him, didn't know better for the first fifteen years of marriage, and now, I just walk out, and come back when I want to. The children are now grown. I do love him, but I can't take the screaming and oral abuse. When we are fine, we are fine. I just want peace in my life, with or without him, but I have no where to go. Comments?

[**Sapphire**]

I wish I had some wise wisdom to give you Audrey, but the best thing I can give to you is the next time you "go" from him, let him stew a long time. Maybe if you leave him for a bit, he will realize what he's missing out on when you aren't around to do everything for him.

Maybe to when you "go" & stay away for a while, he will realize you mean business when you say your leaving.

[Tony]

as I reflect on this Audrey
you are in a tough situation marriage is between you and your husband and no one else
maybe you need to tell him that and give him the choice
either he stands with you as your husband and tells his family and friends to back off

a married couple is just that a couple the inlaws whatever should stay out of the marriage.

he really does needs to know that you mean business

If he really loves you he will stand with you and sort this out
If he wont well sadly you have your answer

[lisa843]

yeah I agree with what has been said so far.
It's so hard to break habits once they have been established for so long...
that's what it looks like to me, you both have gotten into this pattern of abuse and "just going away, etc. way of "living".

If you are really tired of living like this you are going to have to make some tough decisions.....and YOU are going to have to do something different. You know you can't keep doing the same things and expect anything different to happen....

good luck, take care. keep us posted.

[pawzaddict]

I definitely agree as well. I know how boyfriends/husbands mothers can be...I have some serious issues with my bf's mother.... Its not easy to deal with and its either great or its horrible times because of it (oh and i have issues with the friends as well), its hard to hear "well if you dont get along with his friends or family you guys should end it" but theres so much that would be ended and destroyed so its not that simple. I really hope in one way or another you can find peace.

[audreycsmith]

Yes, we do go around and around, with me leaving the house, hanging anywhere, and coming back feeling guilty, yet honory. I try to talk to him, tell him how I get mad about his family being in our affair, at all times. He gives them info. which I don't agree they need to know, and it makes me all so mad.

He screams, and hollers at me like I am nothing. Yet, he gets this way often when I don't give him sex. We have been doing the "do" for over 25 years now.

Today, our daughter forgot to pay the water bill. He screamed at her, and at me. Then later, after calling his families house over eleven times today, to let them know how he felt. I was next to him, and I was angry. I told him, in a way that she would hear it, that it's none of your business and you didn't need to know that. I am tired of them knowing all of our business, and I want things to change. I am not going to be so nice in the future. I don't bother your house, and you shouldn't bother ours. You need to stop calling here everyday, and expect him to call you everyday. Get a life and let us have ours.

He left the room, talking negatively about me on the phone, and I told him, how dare you. They are in the wrong, not me. I have taken this for 26 years, and they don't even care how I feel. You would think his mother would get it, let us be happy, his brother, (who is almost blind), too.

I thought about getting away again, have done it before, but it didn't change things. It just allowed him to be around them more, or them around him longer. Keep on giving me advice though. I am strong, I can handle it. Thank you. acs

[**Sapphire**]

Maybe if you decide to walk away, stay away for a whole lot longer this time Audrey.

If he runs to his family, let him, he's a "momma's boy" & it's really hard to compete with that. I don't know if I told you in this thread or maybe another 1.

My cousin's first marriage ended in divorce. She married a big "momma's boy", he involved his mom in every aspect of their marriage & she had no problems interferring, even to the point of telling my cousin the mom was the only 1 who could pick out "sonny boy's" underwear! :scared1: My dear cousin went around with it for a long time, as long as she could stand it, but when it got to be too much for her, she said GOODBYE to him. It was a hard decision & it took her a very long time to want another man in her life. She did it though & I bet you can too hun.

[Tony]

I would give him a choice either you or his family
as he is Mommy's boy he may chose his family well if he does do that you have your answer

if he does chose his family I would just say " I am done and gone"

again I will say this he should be behind you 100% not mommy's skirt

[audreycsmith]

Yep, they have always come first, although he wouldn't claim that. Some days are good, no worries, no headaches, not too many of them. Most of my days, now, and somewhat in the past, have been away from home. It is the only remedy I have right now, because he doesn't really listen to me. I love him, but then I hate him. You know. He means well, but his family doesn't make our life better, or easier.

They have been so use to controlling him, or trying to, that they don't even see what they are doing wrong. I now get bitter with them when they call for just no reason, like yesterday.

His legally blind brother calls about how the dog is doing with his flea problem. We should do this, we should do that. My husband starts to get angry with him, stating he knows what to do, has the chemicals to take care of the dog and the house.

I got angry, told his brother to get off the phone. They couldn't even take care of their dog properly, let alone talk about ours. Calling here, just saying nothing. He used the dog to make an excuse for calling. What bull crap. Craig did listen, and told his brother he had to go.

I am glad the weather is nice for I will spend a lot of time in it. Speak soon, Audrey

[**Sapphire**]

It does seem like your stuck between a rock & a hard place Audrey. It's sad & I do feel very much for you.

Do you think continuing what you've been doing all these years is the best solution for you?