Help me before I make a mistake.

[At a LosT]

ok so just found this site and I really hope you all can help me. I have copied and pasted a letter I wrote to myself this morning because I just dont know how to explain my feelings. Here is the letter:

To Whom It May Concern:

Okay here’s the story it will get long and probably have major spelling and grammar errors.

So, back in high school I developed this friendship with this guy “Joe”. Joe was actually dating one of my very close girl friends but him and I continued to be friends after their weird break up. We were best friends or bestest friends as we called it. Joe and I would refer to each other as “my love” instead of our names. We bonded like no other “couple” as ever done and yet their was nothing sexual about our relationship. We always seem to have to explain our friendship to others especially if either one of us had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I do have to admit that when we did have a boyfriend or girlfriend we would back off each other but always came back to our friendship when the boyfriend or girlfriend relationships ended.
Well here comes to juicy part, after all the years of us being just friends I began to feel like we could be more. I never said anything to him about it because I thought he would never feel the same as I do. So, I kept on with our friendship as it was, and it was great. I then began to think we should never try to make it more then a friendship because it will simply end ugly and I truly loved Joe so much I much rather have him as a friend for life then lose him. Well shortly after that I started to date this guy who was somewhat a friend of Joe. It was all good in the beginning but after a few months my boyfriend became I guess jealous of my friendship with Joe and started to get hostile with him and ended their friendship. I of course being a STUPID “in love” teenager followed right along with my boyfriend and cut off Joe. Of course after a few months we broke up, our relationship only lasted about 14 months.
I have always regretted loosing Joe’s friendship, and I hate my ex to this day for it. I don’t hate him for the relationship ending or the abortion he made me have or even for when he put his hands on me. I HATE HIM FOR MAKING LOSE JOE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE, SPEAK OR HEAR OF HIM AGAIN!
So as the years went by of no Joe in my life, I would find myself thinking about him. I would think about how his life has turned and what he was into now a days. I also met a wonderful guy and we even have a baby together, five years me and this guy have been together. Well now it’s been 6 years since I last saw Joe and probably like 7 since I spoke to him. I miss him, I miss his friendship and just acting like a fool with him. I miss the memories we shared and only we shared.
And that my people is one and only regret I have in my life. I have accepted everything else that has been negative and thought about it as a lesson from God. I will always have an empty hole in my heart for my friend Joe.
Joe has found me on facebook! He wants to met up and catch up on all the time we have wasted. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he fine with it. But, I'm scared I've been talking to him via facebook and email we had one phone convo last night and all the feels i had for him are back. What should I do? Should I met him? Should I avoid it so I dont loose my current relationship? I cant help but to wonder what if we never lost touch? help me someone please!


Yours truly,

[~Teej~]

It's a tough one..I would say go and meet him for a coffee and a catch up but If you think the feelings might come back then maybe it is best leaving Joe in the past..but, saying that...if you really think he is the one then maybe it is worth the chance....sorry, this is not a lot of help...I guess you just have to follow your heart and do what will make you happy

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. :)

As you said that all the feelings came back after your 1 phone conversation, I would have to say it may not be the best idea for you to meet him.

Do you think you can stop the feelings you have for him already just to meet up with an old friend? If you think you can surpress those feelings then by all means go meet him. You 2 were close at 1 time & it's great that you both found each other again.

If you can't though it may not be good for you as you will be hurting because you can't have Joe in your life as anything more than your friend.

Good luck on whatever you decide, do keep us updated on what you have decided.

[louise1359]

How can you be confident of your current relationship if you feel this way about Joe? If you cannot commit to your current bf NOW, then have the courage to break up and move on--with or without Joe. Don't make him the excuse--how strongly you feel about your current man is the real issue. He's either the one you want, or he isn't--if he's not, that means he's really just "good enough until someone else, like Joe, comes around," and that's not fair to you OR to him. It's hard as hell--I ended a 21 year old marriage for that reason, and then took a chance on my "Joe," and my wildest dreams have come true. Scary and wonderful all at the same time.

IF you decide to move on from current bf, you need to lay it on the line with Joe and give him time to think about it. A few weeks of chatting and reconnecting will tell you if he is the same guy you always thought he was, in which case, don't waste time and don't let fear of rejection get in the way. You will owe it to both of you to take a chance.

It is hard to keep the two issues separate, but if you cannot fully commit to bf and keep Joe out of the picture forever, you will be hurting EVERYONE involved, b/c your regrets about Joe will damage the relationship you stay in. It's pretty much all-or-nothing when you feel that strongly about someone, so don't play games. Have some integrity, and do the right thing--what ever it is. Best of luck.