When friends try to come between you and your crush

[jupiter54]

Hello everyone,

I have a new love interest and she is the most beautiful person I ever met. She is single and her so-called boyfriend told me to back off from her, but she told me she wasn't dating him and seemed eager to get back into my life when I backed down.

Anyway, another person tried to come between me and this girl. This was a person who I thought that I knew. He knew that I liked her and probably only became interested when I mentioned that I was interested in her. He told me to back off and let him have her. I felt so betrayed and hurt. How could he do this? When people come between me and what I want, they make themselves my enemies. I was so angry. Apparently, he told me it never went anywhere, and I later forgave him for it. Did I do the right thing?

Anyway, I have every reason to believe this girl likes me back, I mean after I began ignoring her because I thought she was dating someone else she told me that she had no boyfriend and constantly smiled and stared at me. I really want this girl, but why do so-called friends make themselves my enemies by getting in the way?

[stoner]

Personally, that's not for you to decide. Why not let him know that "may the best man win."

There's nothing wrong with an individual dating more than one person simultaneously. However, when the time comes to make the decision, on who will be a part of his/her life, then he/she should only choose to be with one. Back in high school, a childhood friend and myself once courted this one girl. The challenge of trying to outdo each other was quite thrilling at that time, and even though we had our share of setbacks in the process, it was a friendly rivalry. In the end, she chose to be with me but that was short-lived due to one stupid mistake that I committed, but that's another story. :cool:

This friend of yours may want her, and do anything in his power to get you out of the picture, but there's nothing he can do about it if she doesn't want him. So, don't give up. You're better off without this so-called friend/jerk of yours. In the end, it's really up to her who she chooses to be with, so go ahead an pursue her. Good luck.

[jupiter54]

Thing is though, I didn't realise he was that petty. I kind've reacted in a bad way, I got really angry at him and a friend tried to calm me down, and I told him if he went through with it then we our "friendship" is finished. Though what happened shows that he has little respect for me. Do you think jeolousy was his motive? And the sad thing is he was expecting me to just walk away. This guy is overconfident and a philanderer.

To just try and steal away your friend's love-interest's heart, especially when you're so close to having a relationship with that person, was probably the biggest betrayal I've had regarding a friend, and believe me I've been betrayed a lot in the past.

[**Sapphire**]

I think you were right to drop that friend. True it's up to your crush to decide who she wants in her life romantically, BUT if this "friend" only pursued her because you like her, then he's not a true friend at all.

IMO...it was a betrayal of your friendship & as such you don't need him in your life anymore at all. You can be free to pursue whoever you like without the threat/fear of him trying his hardest to break things between a potential budding relationship.

If he's capable of doing something like that when you 2 weren't in a relationship, think about what he could have done if you 2 were in a relationship already. Your much better off without this guy.

[jupiter54]

Well, things don't look good. This meddlesome person (or someone) has been telling her that I've talking about her a lot to people and now she does not seem to trust me. I just hope she listens to me and things work out okay. Yeah, I often did tell my friends about her and wanted their opinions, but obviously this person has tried to use that against me.

[**Sapphire**]

Sorry to hear that jupiter. All you can do is continue to be her friend & hope that she doesn't totally take this other person's side.

If she does, then she herself wasn't a good friend to have & there are other girls out there for you too.

[LivingDisaster]

I used to have a friend that did that.
USED TO.
She went too far once, and I really liked this guy I worked with, things started happening between us but after a couple of weeks I found out he was seeing my so called friend too. I've never spoken to her since.

You don't need people like that in your life.

Explain to the girl what's happened, tell her that yes, you have spoken about her, but that your friend twisted it round.
And have a word with this guy too, if he was any kind of friend he wouldn't be acting this way!

[jupiter54]

I probably won't see her until after the Easter break. I asked her to come and talk things out, but it didn't happen, so I wrote her a letter on facebook explaining what had happened. I have yet to receive her repsonse. Guess all I can do is wait and see. Looks like I learnt an important lesson; be careful what you, because people will try to use it against you.

[**Sapphire**]

Your last sentence is sad, but very true Jupiter. Sure not all people will be like the person you had in your life, but you can't know for sure.

I've had my hard knocks similar to yours before & that's why for MYSELF I'm much more cautious around people.

I do hope that she will talk to you though, but remember if she doesn't, then she herself wasn't a good friend. There is always 2 sides to every story & if she's willing to take only 1 side, then she's not a good friend as well.

[jupiter54]

There's something about this girl, like the way she makes eye contact with me. I notice sometimes if I go to the bar and she's there, I sometimes catch her looking at me, or staring at me when I arrive on the scene. And the way she wanted to come back into my life after I backed off from her and told me that guy was not her boyfriend kind've shows me she's worth fighting for and she may take my side over his. That's something positive I guess.

And someone told me she slept with that guy, but I know that's a lie because he went home with me that night and told me his philandering with her had not gotten him anywhere (like as if I was supposed to feel sorry for him, but he's not getting any sympathy from me).

[BristolFan]

You're actually talking to this guy, and about her?
Lol.. Right..
Sounds silly.. You've been moaning about this lad, and you're on speaking terms, and letting him discuss her with you?
Hmmmmmmmmm

[jupiter54]

You're actually talking to this guy, and about her?
Lol.. Right..
Sounds silly.. You've been moaning about this lad, and you're on speaking terms, and letting him discuss her with you?
Hmmmmmmmmm

Err, no, not quite. I haven't heard from that guy since the night he did that. Yeah, perhaps it was against my better judgement to have discussed anything about her with anyone, and I remember he had a conversation about her with me that night and obviously he manipulated the situation to his advantage. I was drunk and wasn't really thinking straight, but now I know to be more wary in future.

And apparently the guy was so drunk that night he does not remember anything that happened. But I remember everything. But at least it's a sign that he can be redeemed. Oh yeah, another one of my friends hit him that night too.

As for the girl, well I leave everything up to her now. She has to choose between me and him, and I'll give her space until she makes the next move. If she does not, well, I guess all I can say it would be time to move on.

[**Sapphire**]

Sounds like you made a wise choice in regards to this girl, if she contacts you & wants to be with you, she will let you know.

[jupiter54]

Yeah, to be honest I'm sure she will approach me, she didn't want to let go of me last time.

One last word on the guy: I think I'm willing to forgive him. I'm not saying I'm going on to be his friend again or that I trust him, but I don't feel any animosity towards him anymore. I will be civil to him because I don't think it's healthy to hold a grudge against him for the whole of the Easter holidays.

I'm sure things will turn out alright.

[**Sapphire**]

No you don't have to be angry at him or hold a grudge, but you also don't have to let him back in to your life for any reason. He just very well may do something like he did again or even worse.

It's up to you though jupiter hun, I myself, I'm hard on people, once they hurt me it's extremely hard for me to talk to them, much less let them back in my life for any reason.

You know this guy better than I, so best of luck to you & don't be a stranger either here. :)

[connor87]

i had a friend come between me and my crush he ended up going out with her and we dont talk because he knew how much i liked her