View Full Version : What do I do?
03-23-2009, 12:22 AM
Hi, I'm new...Now that that's over with
My girlfriend recently cheated on me with her ex boyfriend who she hates, she was very very drunk at the time, and she says that it wasnt her at all, it was all the alchohol that did it. she says that she loves me more than anything else still and is afraid that i will dump her.
I don't know what to do, because I want to break up with her because what she did will not go away, I doubt I could completely forgive her for it, and i don't think i love her as much as she loves me, but if I do break up with her, I would break her heart, and she will most likely start cutting herself again (she did before she met me). If i break up with her then more people will be hurt by it than just her, and it feels like it would be pretty selfish to do this, because I am the only one who would benefit from it.
But if I do not break up with her and stay with her, i will have to live with the painful memory of her and him in my head every time i think about her.
Nobody would get hurt or cry this way, but the images in my head might make me snap eventually.
I don't know what I should do so I decided to make an account on this site and ask you nice, wise people :)
Please Help Me :O
03-23-2009, 03:13 AM
Hi K421 and welcome to the ATLF. I am sorry about the situation you are in. I am getting a vibe that you guys like each other and care for one another. From her explanation, I would assume it was one time mistake and most likely caused by alcohol. if this was one time lack of judgement, then I would consider forgiveness. On the other hand, I understand her fustration, hurt and disappointments. I am not sure as to why others would get hurt by you guys splitting up. Would others have problems for your break-up?
In your position, I would try my best to forgive her not because she will cut herself, but because doing so would be giving her benifit of the doubt and right thing to do. On the other hand, you should also be careful and tell her that she will need to earn your forgiveness and regain your trust back by being honest and faithful and not acting stupid and deceiving.
Hope this helps.
03-23-2009, 09:14 AM
I was in a similar situation once..
One girl actually started to cut herself infront of me when I broke up with her, needless to say, I went back out with her..
I was always afraid of finishing with her because of the state she was in (cutting wasn't the only thing)..
I can't go into details of what happened but.. by carrying on with her for longer.. and being in a relationship with her where i wasn't happy or committed and didn't want it..
It just made things a hundred times worse.. And the end result was even worse..
You can't stay with her forever if you think this bothers you, and the longer you carry on going out with her, the harder and worse the breakup will be
I think if you want to break it off, if you don't think you can get over it and trust her FULLY again..
Then I'd say goodbye now while you can.. Otherwise it'll only get worse
Yeah she may be upset but.. remember: things often have to get worse before they can get better
All the best..
welcome to the ATLF
nice to have you with us
your girlfriend is blaming the alcohol and she hates him
I don't believe that for a second
if she loves you she would not put herself in that situation drunk or not
you need to ask yourself if you can trust your girlfriend
if you think you maybe able to it will take time to forgive her also
also ask yourself this can you trust her the next time she has more alcohol
if you come up with no you should end this now before things do get worse
I am sorry this has happened to you
03-23-2009, 04:05 PM
Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. :)
I have to agree with all the bits & pieces that have been told to you before me.
Honestly though, my opinion is once a cheater always a cheater. We can't blame things like alcohol, drugs etc., for the irresponsible things we do. Also, alcohol has a way of bringing out a person's true side, so maybe she might have more for her ex than she even thinks. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but it's more of my thoughts based on things I've seen in the past from others in a similar situation.
You have to ask yourself, do you think you can go on knowing what she did & that it possibly can happen again? Can you trust her again? Do you think she can gain back your trust?
03-23-2009, 04:14 PM
I think he made it clear he doesn't think he could carry on, gain her trust really and be in a happy relationship
And I think he made it clear that's not the problem here either.. It's not whether he should go out with her again, because he thinks he MAY be able to trust her, it's whether he should just to stop her harming herself
03-23-2009, 04:17 PM
Kroek421...WELCOME!!!! glad you joined...
for you questions: sorry you are going through all this....
I think you already know what you want and need to do....
You said you want to break up, but you are afraid she may hurt herself....and that you even feel like you don't feel as strong in love for her as she does for you....
You've got to do what you need to do for you. You can't let her "hold you hostage" in a relationship that is not working for you. You shouldn't stay with someone just because you feel sorry for them or feel they may hurt themselves or it might hurt others.... I know you feel for her....BUT she needs help (if she's doing stuff like that) that you can't give her....
the bottom line is this: If you feel you can not forgive her mistakes, and feel that you do not love her enough to try to get over that, or that you just don't want to be with her any more....YOU need to let it go...and move on. Give yourself time to heal and take your time in finding someone new that will honor and respect you (as you will them)and the relationship you want to build with someone.
good luck, take care...and please keep us posted
03-23-2009, 04:24 PM
Also.. Remember.. Carrying on with her isn't going to help her if that's not what YOU want either.. Right?!
How can you be happy with someone staying there just to stop you hurting yourself, knowing that's the only reason
(yeah ok, she doesn't know, but you're not going to stay with her forever if that's the reason eh? And when you split, it'll be worse and harder)
I agree with lisa..
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