Honest advice please - Did we give up too soon?

[julie7amee]

Its killing me...

My boyfriend and I of six months broke up because we keep fighting. We are both 30.

We never fight over anything big, but little fights turn into huge fights. He is so defensive and I am always asking questions.. Our communication has always been a problem. We've reached the breaking point so many times and then tell each other we will work on it. It has been nothing but work for the duration of our relationship. We cant have a normal conversation anymore, it seems like all our fighting has us both walking on egg shells.

We decided to break up a week ago because we just couldnt take the fighting, but we still love each other so very much... SO MUCH.

We come from completely different backgrounds too... He hasnt traveled much, doesnt have a college education, has a small family and doesnt have many hobbies...he has a daughter and never married.

I am the opposite. I have traveled the world, am a college graduate, have a huge family and have tried many things. I have no children and never married.

We are so different, but I love him so much.. I really really miss him.

I feel so empty without him, but dont want to go back to the fighting.

Am I a fool for giving up? Should we try again and work on communication? Or just leave it be since we are so different? Sometimes I feel like we made the right decision because it seems we arent compatible but it hurts like hell to not have him anymore.

He is having a hard time too because he has been sending me flowers and calling and texting me. Last night we decided to just give it time.

We have also decided to seek couseling on our own to work on ourselves - which was a decision we made due to one of our many fights... he saw his therapist on wednesday, I saw mine last night.

This has been such an intense and heavy relationship so far, but even if we broke up a week ago, I dont feel any better... I am so confused.

[Tony]

welcome to the ATLF
as it is very clear to me you both are trying to take the right steps to make the relationship work.
your both so deeply in love yes its worth trying to work on.
no relationship is without its problems

he still cares for you with sending you flowers and texing you
I would have a one on one chat with him to see what your feelings are for each other
to see if you could get over this and work on things together
also try to work on the communication problems as well

[Truthful]

Hi Julie, I believe that you have answered your own question. As I can see from your post, you guys still care for each other very much as evident by him sending you flowers and txts. The reason for the relationship to have ended so prematurely is the problem with communication, a rock foundation , that has been missing. Its amazing that how we can manage to care for someone and begin to love them but the little things that matter, often get looked over.

I would suggest getting together and talking about problems that turn your small arguments into huge fights. May be each of you have some expectations from the other person that are not being met and are the reason behind the escalation in friction. I know that this may sound stupid/petty now but I would seriously consider writing down each others pet peeves and such and making a list.

Yes, different backgrounds can be reasons for escalation but that's what makes everyone unique. May be you can get to know as to why he chose the way to live such a way and you can share your thoughts with him. Both of you can always try to meet in some middle ground where there are not uncomfortable situations for anyone. AND remember the best part about the argument : It's the making up afterward.

Good luck.

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF Julie, glad that you joined us here. :)

Truthful gave you some wise advice. Communication is key to any relationship. I think he gave you some good examples on what you 2 can talk about & talk through as well.

It does sound like you both still care about each other, so I believe it's worth a shot to try again. This time try to talk more to each other before those little things get blown out of proportion.