Enna
02-02-2009, 05:53 PM
Hello to all. I hope you can understand my English. I am going to explain my situation as good as I can.
So, here it goes...I think I need to break up with my current boyfriend and the situation isn't quite simple. I have been with this guy for almost 4 years. We have been living for 1 year and a half in the same city, then he had to move in another city due to some family issues (he is currently living with his step-mother and his father works in another country). So this whole moving thing wasn't a disaster for me - we see eachoter as frequent as we can and we are talking daily 3,4
hours. This was ok for me, I had my space and he had his.
When I met him I was very young and I had a lot of problems (health, family, entourage).
According as our relationship evolved I become a whole lot happier and I managed to solve all my problems (I can add that now I can be taken as a role model ) but he became sadder and sadder. I don't know why - I always ask him, I always let him know that I'm going to be there for him if something bad happens - but he says me nothing. When we are talking I ask so many things about how he's doing, how is he and so on - and all I get for an answer is: "yes", "no", "ok". I feel somehow embarassed by this "blanket of silence" so I start telling him usual stuff about me. When he's mad at me he reproaches me that I talk a lot about myself, and yes, I do talk a lot by myself because if I ask him if he's in trouble or if he's sad he just shuts up and I'm no Don Quijote fighting in vain. I can't force him telling me if he is in trouble if he doesn't want so.
Another problem is our/ his/ my future. When I was little I didn't have to worry about it, but now I'm planning to go to university - in other words I need to plan my future a little bit. And I fell he's not into this with me. He tells me that he won't do anything in his life, he also told me that all he wants is to smoke, be fat and bald. I was like :confused: (he's only 6 months bigger than I am). I tried so much to make him happy, I tried to bought tickets so we can go together in a trip, and he didn't wanted, I tried to speak to him but it seems nothing satisfies him.
He stopped smoking some months ago and he gain some weight (not so much) - now he smokes again thinking that he can't lose anything. He is also obssesed about his hair. And this sh** is frightening me. He acts like a maniac. He isn't happy about how he looks now but he doesn' want to do something either to resolve this problem. I try to tell him something like this "look, you can do so many stuff. Listen to me, I'll help you. You can start doing some exercises, eat something healthy, please go to a doctor or to a dermatologist if you feel something is wrong". But he tells me that my opinion doesn't matters and that I speak only stupidities. And something that is really really scary for me, when he's mad or something he changes his voice and he speaks very hysterical.
I don't think we are heading in the same direction.There are a lot more deeper problems but I'm afraid not to be boring. And please excuse me if I was, but this problem means a lot for me.
In what concerns the sexual life - I was his first girl, he was my first man. It's obvious that I don't have experience and he reproaches this to me too. I have told him that I can learn anything, I'm very open-minded and I always try to surprise him with new stuff - he never notices anything...he expects me doing all the job...and this hurts me If I ask him : "lets do something new" he's like oh no, no we can't, I don't want to do anything new, much more, you can't because you don't have experience. (But, don't I gain experience by practicing new stuff? ) Even if I want to share some fantasies with him, he is very reluctant.
If I break up with him I think I'll feel guilty, he will always be some part of my family - I think what will he do without me, I'm afraid to let him down...but on the other side I can't let myself down too, I can't be with someone who keeps pulling me backwards...I realized (tahnk's god) that life is not that gloomy sunday...can't he realize this too? Does he need to be upset and angry all the time? If he has problems or if he's sad, can't he tell me at least that he has some problems and ask me to wait for him? I'm tired of silence...
I have no idea how to manage this problem, I fell like I'm fighting absolutely in vain...There are so many feelings in my head...and so much frustration gathered in 4 years
If you have any adivce for me...please. Every opinion is good for me. I had to explain all this things to someone.
Please
So, here it goes...I think I need to break up with my current boyfriend and the situation isn't quite simple. I have been with this guy for almost 4 years. We have been living for 1 year and a half in the same city, then he had to move in another city due to some family issues (he is currently living with his step-mother and his father works in another country). So this whole moving thing wasn't a disaster for me - we see eachoter as frequent as we can and we are talking daily 3,4
hours. This was ok for me, I had my space and he had his.
When I met him I was very young and I had a lot of problems (health, family, entourage).
According as our relationship evolved I become a whole lot happier and I managed to solve all my problems (I can add that now I can be taken as a role model ) but he became sadder and sadder. I don't know why - I always ask him, I always let him know that I'm going to be there for him if something bad happens - but he says me nothing. When we are talking I ask so many things about how he's doing, how is he and so on - and all I get for an answer is: "yes", "no", "ok". I feel somehow embarassed by this "blanket of silence" so I start telling him usual stuff about me. When he's mad at me he reproaches me that I talk a lot about myself, and yes, I do talk a lot by myself because if I ask him if he's in trouble or if he's sad he just shuts up and I'm no Don Quijote fighting in vain. I can't force him telling me if he is in trouble if he doesn't want so.
Another problem is our/ his/ my future. When I was little I didn't have to worry about it, but now I'm planning to go to university - in other words I need to plan my future a little bit. And I fell he's not into this with me. He tells me that he won't do anything in his life, he also told me that all he wants is to smoke, be fat and bald. I was like :confused: (he's only 6 months bigger than I am). I tried so much to make him happy, I tried to bought tickets so we can go together in a trip, and he didn't wanted, I tried to speak to him but it seems nothing satisfies him.
He stopped smoking some months ago and he gain some weight (not so much) - now he smokes again thinking that he can't lose anything. He is also obssesed about his hair. And this sh** is frightening me. He acts like a maniac. He isn't happy about how he looks now but he doesn' want to do something either to resolve this problem. I try to tell him something like this "look, you can do so many stuff. Listen to me, I'll help you. You can start doing some exercises, eat something healthy, please go to a doctor or to a dermatologist if you feel something is wrong". But he tells me that my opinion doesn't matters and that I speak only stupidities. And something that is really really scary for me, when he's mad or something he changes his voice and he speaks very hysterical.
I don't think we are heading in the same direction.There are a lot more deeper problems but I'm afraid not to be boring. And please excuse me if I was, but this problem means a lot for me.
In what concerns the sexual life - I was his first girl, he was my first man. It's obvious that I don't have experience and he reproaches this to me too. I have told him that I can learn anything, I'm very open-minded and I always try to surprise him with new stuff - he never notices anything...he expects me doing all the job...and this hurts me If I ask him : "lets do something new" he's like oh no, no we can't, I don't want to do anything new, much more, you can't because you don't have experience. (But, don't I gain experience by practicing new stuff? ) Even if I want to share some fantasies with him, he is very reluctant.
If I break up with him I think I'll feel guilty, he will always be some part of my family - I think what will he do without me, I'm afraid to let him down...but on the other side I can't let myself down too, I can't be with someone who keeps pulling me backwards...I realized (tahnk's god) that life is not that gloomy sunday...can't he realize this too? Does he need to be upset and angry all the time? If he has problems or if he's sad, can't he tell me at least that he has some problems and ask me to wait for him? I'm tired of silence...
I have no idea how to manage this problem, I fell like I'm fighting absolutely in vain...There are so many feelings in my head...and so much frustration gathered in 4 years
If you have any adivce for me...please. Every opinion is good for me. I had to explain all this things to someone.
Please