Will she stay after she comes to America?

[J_Field07]

Hi

I'm on my mid-forties, I had not been lucky when it comes to relationships, it's not that I’m some repressed middle-aged who’s never been on a relationship in the past, don't get me wrong. In fact, I have been on a couple of healthy relationships before, but for some reason they never worked out.
For quite a while, after breaking up with my former girl, I know it sounds corny, but I started to lose faith in love because I really thought she was the one. So, as a way of relaxing, this friend of mine advised me to take one of these tours to Russia you know, the ones that are popular these days, because he said I’d meet beautiful women. At first, I gotta say, I had my doubts, but after thinking it over, I made up my mind. Therefore, with nothing to lose (except for a couple of bucks), I went on the tour, and indeed I met this dead-gorgeous, smart and sincere gal, we just simply clicked after meeting each other, we had the best time together while I was in Russia, and ever since I came back to the states we kept in touch almost every day by phone, chat, and e-mails,. I know it's hard to have long distance relationship, but she’s definitely worth it, plus I go to Russia every time I can.
I am very serious with her, we’re on a one-year relationship now, we have talked about her moving to the states and she’s ok with it.
Lately, I have started to think about popping the question once she moves in, of course she doesn’t know about it.
But here are my concerns:
Do you think I am rushing things? Or should I just go for it and propose?
Do you think it will work? You know, me being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness and stuff.


Any piece of advice would be very appreciated

[Tuxgal]

Hi there and welcome to Ask the Love Forum. Noone can really look into the future and know if she'll get homesick. As to whether your rushing things..not in my opinion. There's no time-frame in love. It's whenever your ready. A year is a fair amount of time. Heh...I know of a girl who met a guy and a couple weeks later married him and they are doing great. So you can never tell. I wish you both the best. I hope things work out. Congrats on finding someone special. :)

[Tuxie]

Welcome to ATLF J_Field07... we're happy you're here. :)

I had a online meeting with a Russian girl once, we met through a dating site. She claimed to be in Bloomington, Indiana... I soon found out, she was in Russia. Anyways... long story short, she rushed things wayyyy too fast. After a couple of days, she was telling me how she was 'in love' with me... and how she wanted to come to the US, but she couldn't afford it. She wanted me to help her financially, I told her that I was in no financial position to help her in any way. After that, she pretty much dissapeared. I sort of thought it was a scam to get money... but who knows? I found out through a friend at the time, that a lot of Russian girls are just trying to find a way out of the country. I'm not saying that this is your case, I'm just letting you know my experience.

I say, if you're iffy about whether she'll stay over here or get homesick... you probably need to just wait on the proposal for a bit. Just get her over here for awhile to see how she'll react to the change. Best of luck to you both, let us know how it turns out. :)

[mashmac]

Are you going to financially support her move? I think hence you met - you know if she is sincere or not in her feelings. As far as cultural differences are concerned and from my own experience - it's not a mountain impossible to climb but it can be hard. How is her English?

It all depends how much you are willing to learn. Have you met her family?
Is she close to them? How much do you know about Russia?

I've experienced cross-cultural relationships. It's actually fun discovering each others customs, foods, music, language.... and travel to each other countries.
Sometimes emotions are also expressed differently. And sometimes you will have to compromise.

Sometimes you backgrounds will get into the way but if you really care about her and her about you - both of you will make the effort and learn.

[J_Field07]

Are you going to financially support her move? I think hence you met - you know if she is sincere or not in her feelings. As far as cultural differences are concerned and from my own experience - it's not a mountain impossible to climb but it can be hard. How is her English?

It all depends how much you are willing to learn. Have you met her family?
Is she close to them? How much do you know about Russia?

I've experienced cross-cultural relationships. It's actually fun discovering each others customs, foods, music, language.... and travel to each other countries.
Sometimes emotions are also expressed differently. And sometimes you will have to compromise.

Sometimes you backgrounds will get into the way but if you really care about her and her about you - both of you will make the effort and learn.

Yes, I am going to support her move. Something I have to say is that I am totally convinced about her feelings and that she's not just after a green card.
I have experienced some cross-cultural differences so far such as, as you said, her customs and food, possesions, work, courtesy, money and can keep going on and on, but we managed to work things out.

[mashmac]

If you are convinced about her feelings, there is no reason why the two of you won't work out. A year is long enough.

One culture or other - we are only humans. And imagine if you have kids what advantage they will have to grow up with two cultures and probably two languages. I might be rushing ahead a little but that is a huge bonus for them.

And unless it's a question of getting the papers and you need to sponsor her, you can even wait before you propose although if she has agreed to come it can only be because she wants that too on the long run. You don't really move to the other side of the planet for a man unless you are sure of your feelings and think you can make a life for yourself.

But you can also wait, even talk to her about it as this is a specific scenario so she can work out if she can get used to the new life. Perhaps just a bit of time. I don't really see the need to rush into it.

What might be hard for her is to establish her own circle of friends, habits etc. That all takes time and you will need to be very patient. I am speaking from experience. Finding yourself in a place far from home without any "support system" is hard. So be ready for it. I don't know how good her English is but she might find that difficult to begin with as well. So you will need to love her more when she feels homesick. Cause unless she doesn't have anyone in Russia she cares about - she will feel homesick.

[Shewillbeloved]

Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you going to get, where did I hear that? Nevermind. Same thing happens with relationships, so you cannot know for sure whether or not it’s going to work.
But look at the bright side, the fact that she has stuck with you all this time would mean that she's really interested in you, that she cares about you and that she’s not just after a green card. However; I would recommend to wait a little longer let’s say about a couple of months, see how she handles the whole adapting to a America thing and after that if things continue the same way you describe they are between you and her now, I’d say go for it. Good luck.

[Singletravelerguy]

I found a report at A Foreign Affair. It's an immigration report that shows that by marrying a foreign woman you have more than twice the chance of staying married than if you marry an American woman. Here in Scottsdale AZ the divorce rate is 70% and according to the US government the divorce rate with foreign women is less than 20%. Marrying an American woman you have a 250% greater chance of getting divorced.

[aussiecoffee007]

i think she can adjust from russia, you should probably visit russia every so often just to tell her that you care about her roots, but i think if the girl is worth it you should go for it. on teh topic of proposing, id wait until you spent some time together in teh states, just to make sure things click just as well after the separation distance than before, adn if you still feel its right, go for it.

[Elena Korosteleva]

Hi

I'm on my mid-forties, I had not been lucky when it comes to relationships.....



I am myself a Russian woman and I have been married to an American for more than 8 years. Also I associate with a group of about 100 Russian women that have married American men. So far I have only known of three divorces out of almost 100 couples. That is a far cry from my husband’s friends who are almost all divorced from American women.
So there you go, odds are on your side

[JoeBlow]

If I was going to get married and divorced at least I would prefer it to be with a hot Russian or Latin girl 20 years younger than me rather than stay married to a fat old nagging American woman for the rest of my life.

[anniemov]

How about have her come over using visa and stays with you for a while, it's also good to her that way, because then she will know whether she like the life style in US, and whether she is going to be happy here. Don't get me wrong, she probably loves you deeply, but life isn't only about two two, she has to leave where she grew up and her family. After couple months, maybe then you can give her a 'surprise' and propose to her?! How about that?
This way, you cared about her and also solved your concern.