Oh gosh...

[Sprogspawn]

I've just been asked out....a guy I met the other day. He's nice, I can't say it was immediate love at first sight sort of stuff, but I have no problem going out with him and getting to know him better - we have things in common.

But, I think that in britain we have a different attitude to 'dating' than the americans - here, if you go out on dates, you are pretty much boyfriend and girlfriend and he'd feel hurt if i did the same with someone else. whereas what i pick up from tv at least is that in america you can date a number of people, and then call it off with the others if you decide to go steady with someone, people knwo the rules and dont get upset all the time.

I don't want a boyfriend in the proper sense of the word - i like my selfish little independent life - i hate sharing and compromising - sick of it after three years and found out with my ex that i DONT want to settle down immediately. I'm really enjoying my freedom.

I dont know how i can subtley put that across to this guy without making him feel its him thats the problem and upsetting him? i dont want to just come out and bluntly say it, because he might think 'geez what a weirdo, only asked her out for dinner and now all this!?' but equally, I don't want to leave it too late and let him get too attached to me!


:juggle:

[**Sapphire**]

Well in America sprogspawn some people may date lots of others & it's just dating with nothing extra attached. Many others though will go out on on a date with someone & hopefully it will turn into a relationship.

To me a date is a date, it's a way to get to know each other, it COULD be a start to a relationship or it may not be.

It al depends on how you 2 get along, things in common, if you both feel a little something extra, like lets say after the date you both would like to go out again.

I would say go out with him, have a nice time out & see how things go. He may be thinking the same thing, that it's just a date & nothing more. You never will know unless you try.

Now let's say he does want a bit more & he talks to you about it during the date, that's where you can be honest with him & tell him that you are happy with how you are at the moment, but maybe you 2 can be friends. Then again it all depends on YOU & how you are feeling during the date, who knows, you might be interested enough to want to possibly go out again.

It's like a 50/50 thing with a first date hun, you don't know what may happen.

[~Teej~]

I agree Sprogspawn..there are no rules for dating here....I think the only thing you can do is say that you would like to go out as friends but you are not looking for anything else right now, so at least then he knows that you won't lead him on.

[aussiecoffee007]

well, i would say go on teh date and see how it goes... i mean, if things click perhaps you find now that youve spent some "you" time you want to be in a relationship... but if you arent really feeling this special connection, then maybe if he asks you for another you can say "sure, but as friends, right?" or like "im not reallly interested in a serious relationship right now but id really like to get to know you better" or something so that you can be on the same page, you dont want to lead the guy on.

[Sprogspawn]

yes i definately dont want to lead anyone on, but i thought it was a bit extreme to refuse going out with him anywhere because he *might* be romantically interested in me! :hahaha:

[aussiecoffee007]

do you have an update for this one? im rather curious :D

[Sprogspawn]

unfortunately due to working ALL the time, no, but he is still keen and keeps asking! I think i may have an evening on monday!

[aussiecoffee007]

well perhaps he is just very interested in you :) i hope things pan out well! :)

[**Sapphire**]

That's good that he's still interested hun. Hopefully soon you will have some time & you can go out & have a nice evening with him. :)

[Sprogspawn]

it's looking like monday evening, and its now dinner! i hope i can think of things to say, i dont really know him at all!

[**Sapphire**]

Well that would be a good time to be able to ask him questions about himself. His likes, dislikes, about his family etc..

Good luck & I hope you have a good time hun. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah just work on the normal getting-to-know-you-questions and just see where the conversation naturally leads... perhaps you two will have something really interesting in common!

[~Teej~]

Good luck, tell us what happens...we are nosey :)

[Sprogspawn]

its tonight - eep! Luckily it's nowhere too posh so I can wear jeans and tshirt :D - don't like getting poshed up!

[**Sapphire**]

Good luck sprogspawn hun! You already know to fill us all in, right? ;):D

[Sprogspawn]

yeah sure sure hehe. I'm reallytired now actually and can't really be bothered!!

I reallyhope i dont hurt his feelinsg in some way unintentionally - i have a bad feeling thats what will happen!

[~Teej~]

Teej sits and waits for update :D

[aussiecoffee007]

well so do i :D you must tell us all! good luck, i hope he is a nice guy

[Sprogspawn]

:scared1: argh it was excrutiating...

he was sooooooooooo nervous, he seemed actually SCARED of me. I tried to be ditzy and non theatening or man eatingy as a response :rolleyes: but it wasn't working, i found it very awkward - I had to lead the conversations, decide what we did etc and he just followed.

I don't like that really, I like a man to have confidence around me. maybe that's why I like older, secure, married men! :D



he said he wanted to see me again and I suggested we go out as a group with some other friends, as a kind of hint. I'm NOT interested at all....but i'm so bad at saying no coz I feel mean :o

[aussiecoffee007]

well thats sweet, i think, it just means he is nervous cuz he wants to impresss you :) but you dont want too lame of a guy (by lame i mean passive) that you have to lead everything... OH NO dont go back to this married guy! dont you like secure guys too??? that takes off married men off the list, cuz if they are considering cheating, they arent very secute or nice :(

[**Sapphire**]

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go to well on your date sprogspawn.

Maybe he was nervous because it was a first date? He could have been trying too hard or not trying hard enough? :dontknow:

He might be better on a second date, but it's up to you hun if you would like to go on the second date. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah maybe you should give him a second date just to see if its first-date jitters, but have a friend ready in case of emergency aka if that passivenesss is just his personaltiy to come rescue you/come with you :P

[~Teej~]

I don't know...if there was nothing there, no kind of vibes a second date might lead him on...I wouldn't do a second date unless I thought that there was a chance that something will happen

[aussiecoffee007]

thats true, i guess if you think it wasnt JUST first-date jitters dont lead him on to a second date

[Sprogspawn]

No second date - he's hinted twice, but it comes across as begging - I've just said i'm super busy, which is true, and literally won't be able to go out. Once I've left it and left it and left it so there's no doubt I'm not interested, we can reassess being friends if he still wants to!

there's zero attraction on my part. He likes me, but i think he'll get over it - I think most people who like me are thinking of the superficial things - large breasts and blonde hair - but they might not like ME, if you know what i mean? he's probably one of them aswell!

[aussiecoffee007]

oh okay well especially if he is insistent on it-- yeah i dont think a second date is a good idea, cuz you dont want to lead him on. well hopefully he isnt, but i understnad why you would think so anyway. one day you will find a guy who you know that isnt true with :)