stupidm
02-27-2008, 04:14 AM
I am feeling a feeling that I like to cry but no tear, i like to scream but no strength to make a loud sound, my heart feels deeply hurt. This time i am really hurt.
i do care about this man, but i am too young to know what 'care' really means, i always tried to help, but things always dont turn out to be as expected. i am so exhausted and disappointed by what he does to me.
He's from other country, don't know much about our language, so sometimes he cant be that independent on doing everything.
He was sick these days and wants to see a dr, and asked me whether i could help him to find a good one. i asked my friend in med school and got a recommended hospital and i was happy because i could see him and help him. He just got off airplane after 5 hours' flight this morning and we said that we will see the dr at 10.30. So after he arrived home, he called me and asked whether it is good to see the dr today, because i was worried about his illness, so i suggested that we should still see the dr today. So he took a taxi to the hospital by himself, and I'll meet him there. But to some extent it was my fault because i went to the hospital a little too late, and it stopped registeration for the morning, besides, he was very unsatisfied with the hospital i chose for him, and shouted at me, i was really shocked, i know he is ill and he need sleep or diagnosis, but i was really hurt by his reaction, and then he took taxi back alone and leave me on the street.
He is a very impatient man, and doesn't like to waste time, i know this and i always wanted to make things more efficient, but i don't understand why god doesn't help me to make everything easier. and now, we said something hurt to each other, and things get worse. i am so sad, cause everytime i really want to help, but everytime i always turned out to be so stupid. After he left today, i still feel that i had so much to say and explain, so i get some strawburry which is his favorite fruit to his place, and left it at the door, and send msg afterwards, he thank me and still complained about the hospital stuff. he said he is exhausted and disappointed. Huh, he just doesn't know that actually i feel the same way, i wanted to help, and i did a lot, but he just can't see all this, he is result oriented and if the result is not good, he deny everthing.
Maybe at the beginning it is wrong for me to go for it, as many of you suggested here i should've forgotten him, but i didn't, cause it is too difficult. Please tell me that i do not really like him, and maybe i don't really know what true love is. I 'm really hurt. What should i do to get over all this? please help me.
i do care about this man, but i am too young to know what 'care' really means, i always tried to help, but things always dont turn out to be as expected. i am so exhausted and disappointed by what he does to me.
He's from other country, don't know much about our language, so sometimes he cant be that independent on doing everything.
He was sick these days and wants to see a dr, and asked me whether i could help him to find a good one. i asked my friend in med school and got a recommended hospital and i was happy because i could see him and help him. He just got off airplane after 5 hours' flight this morning and we said that we will see the dr at 10.30. So after he arrived home, he called me and asked whether it is good to see the dr today, because i was worried about his illness, so i suggested that we should still see the dr today. So he took a taxi to the hospital by himself, and I'll meet him there. But to some extent it was my fault because i went to the hospital a little too late, and it stopped registeration for the morning, besides, he was very unsatisfied with the hospital i chose for him, and shouted at me, i was really shocked, i know he is ill and he need sleep or diagnosis, but i was really hurt by his reaction, and then he took taxi back alone and leave me on the street.
He is a very impatient man, and doesn't like to waste time, i know this and i always wanted to make things more efficient, but i don't understand why god doesn't help me to make everything easier. and now, we said something hurt to each other, and things get worse. i am so sad, cause everytime i really want to help, but everytime i always turned out to be so stupid. After he left today, i still feel that i had so much to say and explain, so i get some strawburry which is his favorite fruit to his place, and left it at the door, and send msg afterwards, he thank me and still complained about the hospital stuff. he said he is exhausted and disappointed. Huh, he just doesn't know that actually i feel the same way, i wanted to help, and i did a lot, but he just can't see all this, he is result oriented and if the result is not good, he deny everthing.
Maybe at the beginning it is wrong for me to go for it, as many of you suggested here i should've forgotten him, but i didn't, cause it is too difficult. Please tell me that i do not really like him, and maybe i don't really know what true love is. I 'm really hurt. What should i do to get over all this? please help me.