how do i solve my communication problems?

[ocean of bad luck]

hey..



I've been dating this guy for a year now, we will be celebrating our 1 yr anniversary 3 days before valentines day :) (yes we have had the exclusivity talk).


My major problem has been communication.. he doesn't call me as often as i would like. He feels like there is no need for him to call because we meet online almost every night anyway, but then some nights he doesn't come because he is out or tired or busy or whatever, and he doesn't even inform me that he isn't coming.


Overall he is very very sweet to me, always takes it if i lose my temper, he treats me good and is the best boyfriend i've had (im only 20 though so it isn't saying much - he is 23) he even waited for like EVER before we had much of a physical relationship.. hes quite a gem! but the whole i love you thing hasn't happened either.. and nor have we talked about our future together :( any comments or advice about that?


The way i see it, there are two kinds of attitudes i could adopt.. one would be to exert my right and TELL him that he needs to let me know if he isn't going to come so that i don't wait for him and so that i can call him once i know he isn't coming so we can talk on the phone for a few minutes because i am NOT ok with this no communication thing (it doesn't happen too often but it bothers me a lot) - and if he doesn't inform me that he is not coming i can't just envision that he is not coming!!


The 2nd kind of attitude is the whole playing hard to get thing, being less available so that he feels the need to chase me - the kind of thing ALL relationship advice books say? It would be really hard to do and i think it is silly to play those sort of games when you have reached an understanding and a comfort level with your partner! We have been together a year and then i start playing hard to get so that he calls me more often??


I wanted to know from both men and women (who have been in successful relationships) which one of the two attitudes would be more successful, telling him what i want and exerting my rights as his girlfriend, or "playing hard to get"?


And any advice on what i should say is welcome, and if you have any comments about my relationship then those are also welcome.

[Tony]

I think the first thing you need to do is to have a face to face talk with him regarding your feelings for each other.

where you can both be honest with each other and both talk about what you want with your relationship and what the future holds together.

going to him or talking to him with the attitude Quote] exert my right.. may also push him away.

he talks to you online he does ring he has said to you if he is not online or does not ring you he has provided you with a reason as to why not.

with having said that he could mention the night before that he will not be in contact with you the next night either via online or via phone.

I can see with your post that you care for him deeply he needs to tell you that also

[**Sapphire**]

I agree with Tony, the first thing that you both need to do is to have a long serious talk about your relationship, where it's going & how you both feel about one another.

Then I would also have a talk with him about those times that he doesn't come online & doesn't let you know why. I can see that things might pop up, but then he could send you a quick text to let you know that he can't make it, that way you wouldn't be waiting for him online at the appointed time.

I wouldn't lay down the law & TELL him what's going on, because the could as Tony said already push him away or even start an arguement between you both.

Just have a talk with him about all that you have told us & see how things go from there.

Good luck & let us know what happens if you do decide to talk to him.

[~Teej~]

I don't really have anything else to say...I think Sapphire and Tony have said it all...Just tell him how you feel...It really won't take more than 2 minutes to send you a quick text to say when he can't make your online date.

I am sure if you talk to him and say it does make you sad he will understand