feelings for a friend, but i have a boyfriend

[aussiecoffee007]

there is this guy, lets call him nick. he adn i have been extremely close for a while now, but hes a bit too shy to admit it since hes a year older than me and a bit more popular in the social realm.
however, we text probably 50-100 times a day, talk at school hang out etc etc
ive had on-and-off feelings for him for 3 years now, adn i finally had the courage to tell him that i did but he said he only liked me as a friend, and he thought we were better off as friends. which hurt me, very deeply, but what you can do, at least i knew.
problem is, now he said that he used to like me and maybe its just false hope that im giving myself... and he does all these things for me, brings me home fries if he goes out just cuz he thinks id like them, gives me his jacket when im cold, leaves his friends or parties to come spend time with me if i need him.

and these feelings keep creeping back...

the other problem is that he says he has a little crush on my boyfreinds sister which of course is incredibly awkward. but he says its no big deal, its just a little thing.
whatever.
i just... feel like im emotionally cheating maybe? because i think i still have feelings for him.. i cant seem to shake them no matter what i do..
thanks

[lilcupid]

The question should be do you have feelings for your boyfriend and does the feelings you have for this guy have any effect on your current relationship?
I have been in the same situation and I admit there were times when I started questioning my feelings towards my bf at the time. I didn't feel guilty for having a crush on someone else, though I did worry what type of effect it was having on me and how I was with my bf.
My other question is this. If this guy was to come to you tomorrow and tell you his feelings have changed and he wants to be with you, how would you handle it???

[**Sapphire**]

Very good questions lilcupid! :thumb:

I have a couple more for you to think about Aussie. Is there something lacking in your current relationship with your boyfriend? Does your boyfriend do the little things for you that Nick does?

The reason I asked you those questions, mainly the second 1 is that if your boyfriend doesn't always do the "thoughtful" things like Nick does for you, you could be attracted to Nick because he's a bit more thoughtful than your boyfriend. Not saying that is bad.

[aussiecoffee007]

i think it has somewhat of an effect... for example, when nick is around i try to distance myself from my boyfriend, we talk constantly and i spend time either talking or hanging out with nick when i COULD be with my boyfriend but there are times when he just doesnt seem the right person for the job (usually making my feel better about something). not to say i dont hang out with my bf--i do every weekend--but i spend every night talking to nick, until late hours texting or calling... i mean, i look forward to the end of school only because i know he and i can start texting.

to be quite honest lilcupid... if he said that to me... i would say yes in a heartbeat. well maybe not in a heartbeat but i would definitely say yes.
and no, sapphire, thats why im so confused about it all, becasue my boyfriend is THE MOST thoughtful and romantic guy ive ever met... always doing big things little thing everything for me. its all he cares about. and i KNOW that, but sometimes... its like hes too passive for me, i need someone with a little more flare or passion or something... someone to incite discussion and stimulate me.

[Tony]

would you think it would be fair to say Aussie that you are torn between the two guys

my opinion only is may be you need to look at both guys and go with your heart on this
also may be talk to your bf regarding your needs.
maybe nick is filling the gaps for you that your bf should be doing

[aussiecoffee007]

my heart is torn, is the problem... its not a very good decision-maker im telling you haha
its just... i cant think of a need that my boyfriend isnt filling, and nick i mean he is thoughtful but so is my boyfriend and there are a lot of things about nick i hate in guys but still i find myself liking him and...

[Tony]

My advice would be keep nick as a friend and as there are things that he has shown you that you hate in a guy.

do you put what you have with your bf at risk for nick ..... I would not Aussie
as you may end up losing both of them
I would not like to see that happen either

[**Sapphire**]

You know what Aussie, do you think that you could have possibly "outgrown" your boyfriend? Not that you don't love him anymore, but maybe that he hasn't grown with you within your relationship? Have you 2 been dating for a long time?

I think Tony gave you some sound advice. The best thing you can do here is to try your hardest to keep Nick as your friend.

It would be doubly hard on you if you lost both of them because of letting your feelings go a bit more for Nick.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah, i know that... we have been together for 6 1/2 months but i am usualyl a long-term kind of girl.

yesterday he came babysitting with me, we hung out just talking for hours, but it ended rather abruptly cuz this joke turned into this bad thing and so now hes not even talking to me...
which sucks on many levels... one of which, its like, before we were talking about how he thinks we are too close to be together, but is that wrong, and he doesnt know maybe

and so it was kinda.. .close? i dont know

[Tony]

not being able to take a joke is a little silly Aussie, he should know you by now and seen that just as it was meant to be a joke.

being together is being close... this tells me that he wants some space
it also tell me that he is questioning your relationship together ( I hope I am wrong with that )

[**Sapphire**]

I agree again with Tony on this Aussie.

He should know you by now, to know when you are joking.

Not only that, a relationship is all about being close with the 1 you love.

It just might be a good time & idea to have a talk with him about what he told you Aussie. That is something that needs to be talked about in regards to your relationship.

[aussiecoffee007]

no, that thing with the joking around and everything happened with nick... and i thikn he freaked out because were getting too close. i mean, he was telling me literally 20 minutes before it all happened that sometimes when he gets mad at himself for getting too close he draws back, he freaks out, etc etc but then 20 minutes later he just did that! so maybe he drew back, got angry with me etc BECASUE he had just told me that about himself.
nick says we are too close of friends to ever be together, like we know each other too well to have it be interesting i guess
these past few days have been torture... hes been avoiding me, not answering calls or texts etc. we talked a bit about it, and he said, its really not you, its me, and i said come on thats never true, and he just said drop it it really is me.
so i said, if its you why would you be ignoring ONLY me
and he said, forget about it
so now im kind of thinking... he maybe has them? i dont know it woudl explain why hes acting so strange.
but on the other hand, he cant possibly have feelings and treat me the way he does.


my boyfriend has no problem being close, i mean, he is there for me but he usually doesnt open up to me--but thats a whole other issue. but the thing about being too close, etc... that was nick

who after all of this I STILL CANT GET OVER


whwywwhwywyhwy

[**Sapphire**]

Maybe leave Nick be for a bit, no text or calling him. He might need a little time to get himself & this thoughts together. He may like you, he may not, but I think it's important to let him have some time to himself. After a few more days, then maybe you 2 can try to have a talk.

Those are valid questions you had in your last post Aussie & the only 1 that can answer them would be Nick.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah i think thats probably for the best. i decided to stop texting/calling until the end of the weekend and see how that goes

[~Teej~]

I know it must be hard not to talk to him but I think that it is best hun

[aussiecoffee007]

oh okay, so update:
apparently this worked, he texted me last night and we talked for hours again, just like the usual. he even offered to take me around today and such (we did.)
today i caught him looking at me and stuff, which is rare, he usually doesnt look at me too much in public (i think hes embarrassed hes close friends with a girl) and like, when i offered to help him, he accepted and hes like, oh could you? thats awesome but usually he says no, thanks, he can do it himself.
he saw me with my boyfriend and texted me about it after school, like, its cool you guys are together and stuff
we kept texting, we talked all day and stuff... somethign seems different about him... he seems to be like looking at me more or more into me but i could just be reading too much into it.
any thoughts? i have a similar situation to the "i dont know what hes thinking" thread i think...

[**Sapphire**]

I don't know it's hard to say when people look to know if they are interested or not. It's a 50/50 thing, he may be or he just may be looking at you & trying to open up your friendship more.

I think if you notice him looking at you more & YOU think those are the "I'm intereted" kind of looks have a talk with him about it. Let him know that you catch him watching you alot & would like to know what he's thinking. That may be the only way you will know for sure what he is thinking.

[aussiecoffee007]

i feel like if i did that... he would freak out and withdraw again... i dont think he likes to talk about how he feels a lot... cuz he ends up telling me too much or something?

[aussiecoffee007]

hey i have an update for you all.. and i would appreciate some advice.

so we are both rather confused, is all we will tell each other... i told him yesterday, maybe i should just kiss him to at least figure out stuff and it would all be clear either one way or another... and so now hes sending me totally mixed signals, telling me to take some action myself or at least i would know, and then he said, "but if hes unsure maybe its too risky" and he said, "ask someone else what they think."

i said, all of his friends tell me he likes me but is afraid to admit it, or maybe afraid to be with me.
he responded with, "he is afraid want to tell me who it is?"
so this whole time we keep pretending he has no idea who it is, and i said, no id rather he just figure stuff out and tell me how he feels for sure, one way or another.
and he siad, "well i guess thats my problem not yours"
and there we have it, he knows its him... but then what am i supposed to take out of the mixed messages? that he wants it and is afraid or that he is just afraid to tell me he doesnt?

[lilcupid]

I may be totally wrong here but to me it sounds like he does like you more then friends and is scared you guys are too close because of his feelings and the fact that you have a boyfriend. He probably is not telling you this due to fear of rejection and that it may destroy your friendship with him.
I think you need to decide exactly how you feel about your boyfriend and this guy before you start probbing into how he feels. I know this sounds hard but maybe you need time away from both of them so you can really sit down and have a think about where your heart is at

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah he said that he just wants to be friends, final answer, he said.
so i guess hes too scared to try. and he knows that but its his choice.
and now i am sad and disappointed and let down and whatever other emotions go along with that.

[**Sapphire**]

Sorry to hear that Aussie. I know your sad, but at least he still wants to be friends. Good friend are hard to find. Not only that who knows what the future may hold, maybe friends for now & possibly something more in the future?

[aussiecoffee007]

okay, so yesterday we talked about being friends with benefits... he said before he would have never considered it, but now he is thinking about it...
hes telling me tomorrow at the earliest what hes decided.

[~Teej~]

Make sure you have ended with your boyfriend before beginning anything like this..also make sure you know you really want it..as i know it's not something i would be comfortable doing.

[**Sapphire**]

I agree 100% with Teej. Make sure this is something you can handle too Aussie. Friends with benefits can actually wind up hurting 1 or the other or even possibly both people & ruin a friendship. Most times 1 or the other winds up falling for the other & gets hurt because the other doesn't feel that way.

Are you emotionally ready for a friends with benefits relationship?
Also, as Teej said make sure you let your current boyfriend go. If you don't then you can get yourself into a big mess.

Best of luck on whatever decision you make Aussie.

[~Teej~]

My friend is going through this at the moment..she's still sleeping with her ex and it hurts her a lot because she is still in love with him. But he is just wanting a bit of fun..She sees no way out..Be careful Aussie

[aussiecoffee007]

thanks you guys... i know you are right its just at a point where i want whatever i can get with him, you know?
but i think that situation where one falls in love and the other doesnt sounds like it might be us. he said before, he likes me a little but im more of a friend.

[~Teej~]

I personally think you should stay friends and work with being happier with your boyfriend

[daisychip]

I've been gone quite awhile I guess..................Glad you're back aussie!!!.......but......

What are you thinking? I know I'm late in your thread and dillemma but maybe thats a good thing.

You said you're a long term kind of girl so the idea of the benefits solution doesn't fit!!! The INFATUATION with nick is getting the best of you. Get control of yourself. Being a long term gf means you have to prove yourself worthy and what you are suggesting is not! Even if you break up with current bf...............IMO..........it's still wrong to do it just to test out s/o else.

You should be this close with your bf and talking about playing out this fantasy with him..............not another man. Keep your friendship but I say tone it down, back off and run to your bf as fast as you can before you do something you regret.

I hope you will think, think, think before 'my' aussie has a whole set of different probs. Please don't hurt yourself this way.

[aussiecoffee007]

i know, its completley out of character for me to even consider this type of thing, it just seems like at this point i will take whatever i can get because i like him so much.
but he hasnt answered in two days, and is ignoring my texts and stuff, so now its just like... i dont know, who needs it all? hes way too unstable for me anyway.
its just... the "infatuation" has been on/off for three years???
and its not a fantasy or anything... i just want to be with him i guess, but maybe just the good parts of him? i dont know.

[lilcupid]

It sounds to me like you need to give him some space. From the looks of it, it may be wise to settle for being just good friends. There are too many factors here and facts are you are still in a relationship with another.
This is only my personal opinion but if I liked someone in a relationship and they were asking for "friends with benefits" I would back away. No offence to you but there would be a worry for me that even if I was to start dating the other person, they would grow bored etc and start looking else where while we were still in the relationship. Just a thought to think about

[daisychip]

and its not a fantasy or anything... i just want to be with him i guess, but maybe just the good parts of him? i dont know.

but I think aussie, this is what makes it a fantasy........know what I mean?

I do know how you're feeling........I had a similar desire with an acquaintance when I was with my ex of 17yrs. I was only lucky to have a friend that guided me out of doing something that would have hurt my own dignity. Thats all I hope for you. That you won't make up any justification that will only mask the mistake and hurt you in the end.

I realise the three year thing but still think that since you said he has things you don't like...........you're craving for something but think this is the kind of excitement that will only be destructive.

Lilcupid has given a good thought to think on as well. Prove yourself aussie.........to you, bf AND your friend. It's another phase with nick and you can make it through this one too. OK?

[aussiecoffee007]

well i have brought up dating, but he says he would prefer friends. im not one to naturally ask for this anyway.
maybe it will provide closure? or am i just keeping up with the fantasy haha
maybe then we can stop having these weird feelings between us cuz everything will be out in the open and everything

and i think nick thinks we broke up

[~Teej~]

Aussie he keeps saying he prefers to be friends with you so I think he has made his decision...If I were you I would take a break away from Nick and your boyfriend..You are having such strong feelings for another man I don't think your boyfriend is the man for you and it's not really fair on him that you are with him when you are having really strong feelings for Nick.

I think that you should back off from both these guys, spend some time being single by yourself and I think your head will clear up a little bit then and things might start making a little more sense.

[aussiecoffee007]

i know, but he said that a few months ago--the being too close of friends to date bit.
i know, i shouldnt care this much--what kills me is that my boyfriend is perfect for me, hes so sweet and im good friends with his whole family and hes like the ultimate boyfriend... doesnt so much as look at other women, devotes all time and attention to me.
but maybe thats not what im ready for, the perfect one? i dont know.

yesterday night, he said that "i will know when he makes his decision" because he will "make it prettty obvious" and it will "be in his eyes, not in his texts".

[daisychip]

i wish you would tell him you've made a mistake and that for right now you'd like for him to know that you are attracted but the timing is all wrong and you need to pull yourself together.....................but thats just me you know........lol.

[aussiecoffee007]

so last night, we were talking... he liked this girl for a long time as previously mentioned, but it ended up that she didnt like him back.
so he randomly said, hey that thing with *her* do you thikn she just didnt like me right not that i did anything?
and i said, no i dont htink you did anything, she just didnt like you that, she just liked you as a friend, how coincidental haha"
and he was like, "well i dont think its quite the same" and i said, why not i dont see the difference at all, and he said, "just trust me on this one its not the same okay?"
so now im thinking he might say yes...?
so i said, i think im missing something, and he said, its something only i would understand youre not missing out
and i was like, oookay... and then i asked him some question
and he all of the sudden was like, "good night" and i was like, am i ever going to find this out or..?
and he hasnt responded since, though we talked today during school--a big accomplishment--cuz it has been too awkward before.

[~Teej~]

If he says Yes Aussie will you feel comfortable ending things with your boyfriend..?..I think if you take up this friends with benefits with Nick you will be making a huge mistake..But you are so wrapped up in these intense feelings that you just can't see it

[aussiecoffee007]

ugh i know you are right!!
i just cant leave them and you are right i know it
especially about me being wrapped up in them...

[**Sapphire**]

Here is something for you to think about Aussie.

Say Nick does say yes to the friends with benefits arrangement & you don't break it off with your boyfriend.

How do you think he will feel if he finds out you are cheating on him?

Also 1 more question for you to think about...put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed & he did what you are thinking to you?

Just some things for you to think on & hopefully help you in your thinking.

[Tony]

Sapphire has posted some very wise questions there Aussie
I have a feeling that you are playing with fire I would not like to see you get burnt

[~Teej~]

Here is something for you to think about Aussie.

Say Nick does say yes to the friends with benefits arrangement & you don't break it off with your boyfriend.

How do you think he will feel if he finds out you are cheating on him?

Also 1 more question for you to think about...put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed & he did what you are thinking to you?

Just some things for you to think on & hopefully help you in your thinking.

Seriously take some time out and think about this Aussie

[aussiecoffee007]

ive thought about it--
i would hate it hate it hate it if my boyfriend did this to me, i would break up with him.
if he found out i was cheating--he wouldnt care all that much (he told me he was okay iwth me cheating unless i loved someone else)

at this point i want him to say no, i just dont want to be the one who does it.
hopefully it will happen tonight.

[Tony]

He wouldn't care Aussie :eek:
I don't think he loves you as much as he says he does :rant:
I must be old fashion if my partner done that there would be no second chance. :nono:
I am glad you have thought about that Aussie.:)
Do you honestly need him to say no to you Aussie ?

[aussiecoffee007]

no he does, i just think he wants to be a 'good noncontrolling boyfriend' and hes more like, "whatever you want is what i want"
i know, there wouldnt be a second chance for me if he did that, but he doesnt care.

yeah i kinda do need him to say no, if i say no i will always be wondering if he woulda said yes. and that will slowly kill me haha

[Tony]

I can fully understand Aussie with ( whatever you want is what i want" )
I am the same way with my wife but I would not share her with another man.

lets hope that he does say no to you but if he does not care Aussie I don't think you will hear that from him.

[aussiecoffee007]

no, my boyfriend wouldnt care if he found out that i was cheating or what not--i mean, i think he would be upset but he wouldnt break up with me, he just doesnt want me to fall in love with someone else.

last night, he said we were hanging out, but i saw him at this group thing and he didnt talk to me cuz he was with other friends and hten he left so i texted him twice, about an hour apart, and he didnt respond to either.

i just need him to say no or else i will always wonder.

[~Teej~]

Aussie if your boyfriend wouldn't care he is not someone to be with?..

I don't think I can reply to this thread anymore...I don't know what else I can say...I think your boyfriend would be upset..Your just telling yourself he wouldn't to make yourself feel better.

[Tony]

Aussie I honestly wonder just how much of a man your boyfriend really is
the reason I say this Aussie if he really loved you with all his heart he would not want to share you with any other man.
you have said to us that if he had done that to you you would end things there and then why don't you have the same attitude for your own standards
I find it hard to believe that your boyfriend does not care about that Aussie.

may be he is thinking the he is not satisfying you and he has given up trying to
I don't mean to be hard on you Aussie I am very much old school
If my partner done that I would not touch her with a 10 foot pole I love my partner with all my heart but I draw the line at that.
its called being faithful

[**Sapphire**]

I agree there is something very wrong with your boyfriend if he truly would not be angry with you for cheating on him Aussie.

Is there something more that you aren't telling us? Sorry, but something is really striking some red flags here in my head.

To me is seems like you still haven't decided against the friends with benefits with Nick because you are still waiting for him to say no to it. What if Nick NEVER tells you his decision? Are you going to "pine away" for him & always wonder if he is going to say no? What have YOU decided Aussie for yourself?

[aussiecoffee007]

see, sapphire, i thikn thats my problem--i think i would keep pining away wondering what he would have said if he doesnt just tell me now.

no, its not that my boyfriend wouldnt CARE--hed be upset with me--but he wouldnt break up with me. i am his first girlfriend and he really loves me and he said he will love me no matter what, so if i cheat on him, its okay because he loves me and will forgive me, he just doesnt want me falling in love with a differnet guy.
like i thikn he cares more about emotional cheating than physical...

[Tony]

Aussie you have said in an earlier post that you would not like your boyfriend to do that to you.
I think you should set a rule for yourself that you would not do that to your boyfriend

mate you have even got me thinking as to how much you do love your boyfriend
if you do love your boyfriend as much as you say that you do you should not even be thinking of doing something like this.

sorry to sound hard on you Aussie
we are trying to help you here mate

just a thought for you Aussie think of your reputation here

[aussiecoffee007]

no i know
and you guys are right

we ended the confusion about 20 minutes ago
he said no and i said thank god and he was like what?
and i said, it woudl have never worked im not that kind of girl. so sorry for suggesting it.
he didnt respond. hahaha

[Tony]

my word Aussie I am so happy right now you have no idea :D
I am so pleased you received your answer mate :D

I would also like to say to you Aussie thank you for being honest with us hun :thumb:

[**Sapphire**]

Very good Aussie, I'm feeling much happier that Nick told you no & also that you have changed your thoughts on the friends with benefits with him.

As a buddy to you Aussie, take this time now hun & think about you & your boyfriend. Where you see you both heading in the future? If you do still love him? If you love him enough to not let a situation like what you went through happen again? Also, think about if there is something lacking in your relationship with your boyfriend.

The reason I say the last part Aussie is if you were truly in love with your boyfriend, you both were doing well in every aspect of your relationship together, you would have never thought of Nick in the way you did.

[~Teej~]

The reason I say the last part Aussie is if you were truly in love with your boyfriend, you both were doing well in every aspect of your relationship together, you would have never thought of Nick in the way you did.

This is so true Aussie...Sapphire speaks a lot of sense here...Think about what Nick would have offered you that your boyfriend isn't...Why was Nick more important than your boyfriend

[aussiecoffee007]

i have no idea... perhaps it is just the physical attraction? or perhaps its because nick excites me and makes me nervous, and im really comfortable and stable with my boyfriend.

today was a little awkward, but oh well.

last night i think i passed my first test! i was like, dont you think we make better friends anyway? and he said, "well maybe we can experiment sometime" and i was like, "yeah i was so stupid to jeopardize our friendship im sorry"
and i didnt crack!! yay!

[Tony]

Aussie I am proud of the fact that you stuck to your guns here mate
well done

[**Sapphire**]

Good that you didn't go with any pressure when Nick said what he did to you last night Aussie.

1 thing you said to us that has me wondering something hun. You said that your really stable & comfortable with your boyfriend. Could you maybe be a bit too comfortable & stable with your boyfriend? Like past the time where you could be a bit bored with him? Might be something to think about in regards to your relationship with him hun.

[aussiecoffee007]

maybe i am bored with my relationship--this sometimes happens to me in the past.
what should i do about it though? i mean he is an absolutely amazing guy. hes almost too perfect? but why should i want spice when i have it all there you know?


i was pretty happy, cuz usually nick has this horrifying effect on my abilities

[~Teej~]

Maybe you need some time apart..then you will see whether you miss him and whether you want to still be with or if you are wanting something more.

To be honest Aussie I get really bored with my boyfriends quickly, I always have..I don't know how not to be like that so you are not alone there

[Tony]

Aussie I have a thought for you that just might help you and your bf.
with out coming across as being rude here
just may be you might need to spice things up with in love making department
try new things with each other ?

[aussiecoffee007]

oh well were not makign any love, at least like that :)

i dont think its too much the physical thing... well maybe it is hes not that physically attractive but i like kissing him and we do new things and everything...

yeah teej how do you not get bored??

[Tony]

sorry Aussie I hope I have not offended you with saying that
even with kissing you could both try new things.
I could go into more details but I don't think this is the thread or section for that.
may be your bf needs to share more of himself with you Aussie ?
be more romantic may be or share his feeling more with you ?

[**Sapphire**]

Good ideas both Teej & Tony.

I too think spiceing things up in regards to your intimacy might be something that is needed Aussie. If you aren't comfortable yet with becoming completely intimate with him, maybe see some other ways that you both can please each other that you may not have tried, it could help to get things rolling a bit more for you.

Also, on a non-intimate side, maybe going out & doing things that you 2 haven't done before or would like to do is something that can put some spice back into your relationship & love for each other.

Maybe too have a talk with you boyfriend about this, get his feelings, see if he thinks as you that some of the sizzle has gone out of your relationship. That way you 2 can think together on how best to get back on track again.

[aussiecoffee007]

well, i know he definitley doesnt... hes as sweet to me as ever... he says he loves spending time with me etc etc etc

but ive had this problem before... even if we do do crazy cool stuff :)

[aussiecoffee007]

to make a complex situation worse---

nick has on/off liked a close friend of mine for a few months ago, and she likes him too but they dont know it--i am t he only one who knows they like each other.
when i sort of hinted that she liked him back he was like, hmm maybe i will ask her out. its a high chance
but he hasnt yet

i want to be a good friend, so im trying to set them up i guess, i dont want to stand in the way of their happiness.
but what if they got together? we would have to go on double dates adn crap??
BECAUSE OH DID I MENTION
this girl--one of my best friends--is my boyfriends sister??
(he is a triplet).

most awkward situation ever

[**Sapphire**]

Sure does sounds like a complex situation you may have gotten in to Aussie.

Honestly, I think if Nick & this other girl get together & you help that shows your a good friend to him. Also, it might be help you to sort your feelings for him & look towards being with your boyfriend.

If you 4 do go on a double date, it's just a date for a couple hours, just think of it as time hanging out with your friends.

[~Teej~]

Yeah...It will do you good to see him with someone else...It will make you focus on getting things good again with your boyfriend.

[aussiecoffee007]

but the someone else is my best friend and my boyfriends sister... i just cant get over how awkward that is.
plus two nights ago he said he "wasnt over it" aka what happened so hes not goin gto ask her out anytime soon i guess?

[eaglebaseball]

no he does, i just think he wants to be a 'good noncontrolling boyfriend' and hes more like, "whatever you want is what i want"
i know, there wouldnt be a second chance for me if he did that, but he doesnt care.

yeah i kinda do need him to say no, if i say no i will always be wondering if he woulda said yes. and that will slowly kill me haha

I understand where he's coming from, I'm the same way with my girlfriend. I completely trust her, I trusted her enough to let her go over to a friends house (they used to have a history, and she told me sometimes things happen, but she assured me it wouldn't happen) and I trusted her enough, and I can tell nothing happened, I'm absolutely sure of it.

Regardless, he should be protective of you. I'm not one to be controlling, I have no problem with my gf hanging out with other guys, but if she was doing stuff with that guy, then I'm sorry, things just wouldn't have worked out between us anyways. One of the things she loves about me is that I'm trusting and not a nag or clingy, and I give her freedom to do as she wishes (she's a big girl, she can handle herself), but I am also very protective, and should another guy try things with her (it has happened recently...), I will stand up and put an end to it. It's not her fault though, but anyways, if I were your boyfriend, I would not have you being "friends with benefits" or anything like that with another guy. Friend, yes, more than that, no.

[aussiecoffee007]

i have somewhat of an update for ya'll:

he still has not asked out my best friend... we reached an understanding, him and i, he said i was like his sister and i realized i want this guy in my life as a friend at the least, and if a relationship is not in our cards thats okay with me, so we finally we are okay and i finally accepted teh whoel thing. hes been saying he will do it since late january i think, he said he was DEFINITELY going to it v-day but still hasnt for some unknown reason. he knows she likes him but i think hes just afraid to have a relationship since he hasnt quite yet.

our growing closeness adn emotional intimacy worries me somewhat... i slept over at his house, and nothing happened--we were in the same bed, lying next to each other, our arms barely touchign and that was it... we stayed up talking until literally 430 AM... his mom discovered me in the morning, we were in separate beds in separate rooms (adjoining but still) and asked him a bunch of questions so now hes a bit awkward around me again.
i was just wondering... a few things actually. is it wrong to be so close to him when i have a boyfriend, and/or when he will (?) ask out my best friend?
and why hasnt he yet, any insights?

[Tony]

Aussie the answer to your first question is YES it is wrong to get close to him like that.

why what would the first thing your bf would think ?

he may not have asked your best friend because he maybe shy or he maybe enjoying what he has now...
it is hard for me to speak for him as for his reasons as to why not.

[aussiecoffee007]

oh, as an add-on to that: my boyfriend doesnt mind i am so close to this guy, he thinks its great or whatever. he thinks the guy is a cool guy.

[pika]

oh, as an add-on to that: my boyfriend doesnt mind i am so close to this guy, he thinks its great or whatever. he thinks the guy is a cool guy.

Aussie, sometimes the way u intepret it might be wrong, i mean if your boyfriend knows u sleep beside him, what will he think?

ANother question i have for you is, if this guy actually likes you, will you give up your boyfriend for him?

[Tony]

very good questions pika :)

[aussiecoffee007]

well i didnt sleep next to him, we slept in separate beds... and he doestn know i slept over not because he would care but because he might tell his sister, which is the girl this guyfriend likes.

um... i havent decided yet about that secodn question pika :(

[~Teej~]

If you can't decide Aussie then I am not sure that your bf is the right guy for you...This isn't the first time you've been attracted to someone else..I think maybe you should think why are you still with him...Do you love him?...Are you happy with him etc...Because if you don't maybe it's time to think about ending it. ???

[aussiecoffee007]

well this is the same guy, teej, once again.
yess i love him hence why i cant break it off and i dont want to :(

[~Teej~]

Then distance yourself away from this guy, otherwise you may do something you regret :(

[aussiecoffee007]

i probably should but it seems impossible:
1. he goes to my school
2. we are leadership of a group together
3. he will (?) date my best friend

[**Sapphire**]

You can cut down on the contact outside of school, the calling, texting & seeing each other Aussie, that might help to distance yourself from him a bit. When you see him in school, talk to him about school stuff, things that you may have to do together & that's about it.

I do agree with Teej that if you truly do love your boyfriend you are going to have to distance yourself from this other guy hun. The more you hang with him, the more prone you will be to doing something that you may regret with him. I know you said your boyfriend doesn't mind you hanging with him, but I think if you told him of your feelings for this guy OR if you did something with him, your boyfriend would really mind hun. No man or woman wants to share the person they love with another hun.

[~Teej~]

As soon as he starts dating your best friend it will be easier for you as then you will no he is off bounds and can move on with your own relationship.