i'm not sure anymore

[babylove621]

i seem to be stuck in the same situation i've been in for months now. ok well me and my ex have been broken up for a while now and i really thought i was ok with that and understood why we cant be together, but once again i cant get him off of my mind. I'm dating someone else that i do love a lot, but also realize that hes not my ex and that hurts a lot. Theres times that i hear a song or a romantic scene in a movie and i know i should be thinking about this guy, and for the most part i do, start out thinking about him but then it leads right back to my ex. i feel so bad because i really do want to be with this guy but yet in my heart i still feel like my ex is the one for me. The thing is me and my ex did get close again after the break up and that was a big mistake because it felt worse then the first time we broke up, but the funny thing is we both knew it was right and felt right and we were both happy, we were the way we were at the beginning of the relationship again. Then we decided to just go back to friends, now we haven't talked in over a month, I think those feelings scared him. Durning that time we were sort of back together he told me he doesn't think those feelings or sparks ever really went away, the fighting and distance factor just took over. I totally agree with him and understand why we haven't talked, its just hard. Im trying to focus on my new guy but i don't know what to do. Any advice at all, i just keep confusing myself more :dontknow: please help! thxs xoxox

[aussiecoffee007]

babylove, i know what you are going through... i sort of have the same problem. were in the same boat, i mean... my new guy is amazing but the old guy still hurts me when i hear of him with other girls, or when i see him and i know we are not together, but unlike you we are not close anymore we barely speak. and sometimes that hurts more than even being friends... knowing i can be so close to someone and now so far.
if things are over with your ex... let them die. you deserve to be happy with your new guy. on the other hand its not fair to your new guy if you still have active feelings for your ex... i mean, if he asked you out, the ex that is, would you say yes? would the feelings overcome the problems? or are they just lingering feelings?

[babylove621]

thats the thing i have no idea what i want anymore. me and my ex also barely speak and it kills me, i miss him a lot. the answer to your question is he asked me out would i say yes? most likely yes i would. i hate that he still has control over my emotions.

[lilcupid]

I hate to say it but I think dating someone else while you have these feelings for your ex still is going to hurt both you and this new guy. I know you say you love this new guy but if you were "in love" the thought of your ex would not hurt anymore. Have you thought about maybe staying single for awhile so you can go through the "mourning" process of the break up? As once said to me, when you break up with someone you love in some way it does feel like they have died. You need to allow yourself the time and the space to get over him before you can really commit to another person

[**Sapphire**]

I'm in complete agreement with cupid here babylove. It may be a good idea to maybe be single for a little bit. That way you can sort out your thoughts, feelings & get yourself back on track.

I have a question for you, I remember on another thread that your current boyfriend & you don't get to spend much time together. If that is still going on, do you think that you could possibly be holding on a little bit to your ex because you don't get to spend much quality time with your current boyfriend? Might be something to think about hun.

[babylove621]

i think thats exactly what it is, even though my ex was so far away i still feel like i was more a part of his life then i am with my bf that lives 10 mins away, i hate it. I try so hard to just be there for him and love him, but i know im not in love with him, maybe i could if he let me, but thats all i keep thinkin will he ever let me? I just feel like hes holding back. One day i feel like we're on the same page and then next day were not. I feel like im on a rollarcoaster with him. The days when were not on the same page thats when i just cant get my ex off of my mind. I start thinking what he would do and how he would just make me feel like everything was going to be ok. how can someone who l lives 2000 miles away make me feel so great, yet someone whos actually here makes me feel good but not even close. i dont get how that makes sense?

[**Sapphire**]

Maybe you do need to take a time out from your current boyfriend then babylove. It seems to me that your current boyfriend isn't opening up to you & he still isn't spending that much time with you. That really isn't very healthy in a relationship.

Maybe during that time, get your thoughts straightened out in regards to your ex. You seem a bit confused & maybe if you take some time for yourself it will help to straighten things out for you.

[~Teej~]

I hate to say that I agree..You clearly still love your EX and until you can get over these feelings how can you give yourself to someone 100%

This may be hard but I really think it will be the best to just be single for a while until you are ready to move on completly.

[stoner]

Don't feel bad about the situation that you are in, as you are not alone to feel that way. I do agree with what's been posted before me, especially lilcupid's. It would be better to remain single for the time being, and sort through all this hodgepodge of emotions and confusions that's been dragging you down.

When I severed ties with my fiance altogether after she broke off the engagement, almost 15 years ago today, dealing with the aftermath of it was easier said than done, than the actual break up itself. I end up dating others, but I was unable to commit. Every woman that I came close with - I saw her and reminded me of her. Imagine getting slapped and being left alone in the cold after I accidentally whispered her name while I was making out with someone else. :scared1: Those were one of the many struggles that I had to endure.

Unlike you, however, I befriended long distance and used it to my advantage, as I relocated to another place 300 miles away. Back at home, there were so many things that reminded me of her. From the cathedral steps that we trekked together and then revealed my feelings to her upon reaching the top, to the park bench where we sat and had our first kiss in public, I saw her. When a girl I was dating suddenly played a song from her CD player and told that it was her favorite, deep inside of me that happened to be her favorite song too; and the list goes on. It didn't happen overnight, but eventually I learned to let go. When I found myself back on my feet again, I was able to give love another try, and this time without holding anything back. :)

In the meantime, it's suggested that you take time off from your current boyfriend, and live the single life. Take good care of yourself first, and when you feel that the time is right to give love another try, then the rest is up to you. :) Hang in there and good luck.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah, if you still have ACTIVE feelings for your ex... its not fair him to lead him on and its not fair to you to start a new relationship when you are still in the old one in heart.
i agree with teej, i think you just need to spend some time alone til you figure out what you really want.

[babylove621]

well today my ex did something to me that, honestly makes me completely over and done with him, i cant do it anymore, yes im sad but it showed me who really cares about me, the new guy was there for me even though i was crying about my ex, he was there, to me thats pretty big. as much as i still want a friendship with my ex it isn't worth me being in pain over. i honestly love this guy, i know i need time to completely heal, but now i know i have someone who really does love me and he proved that to me today.

[aussiecoffee007]

thats pretty good that hes there for you... i mean that says a lot to me too. im happy for you! i thikn the new guy sounds great... and i mean, the two of you broke up for a reason, right? maybe its just not right and this showed you that.... i know its hard but revel in your new love :)