Not sure what to do? help!!!

[bridgesofmadson]

Hi,
I'm new to this but here is my story.. I've been married for 8 years going on 9 with 3 kids. About a month I was online buying something for my son and came across some personal ads...I met this gentelman who is also married with 3 kids.. He is an nonemotional, sexless marriage as well. We started to talk to one another online. We didn't meet for 2weeks.. we just talked about ourselves, the kids, what we wanted in a relationship. Well to make matters worst, instead of just having someone to talk to.. we ended up having feeling for each other. We've both never felt this way before. He is such a kind, loving man. Not to mention he's a great dad.. He does everything for his children.. When I saw everything I mean everything.. Dr appt, bathing, cooking dinner, cleaning etc...He owns his business and does well for himself and he always says if money could buy happiness his wife would have been happy a long time ago. My husband and I are more amicble we pretty much just lead seperate lives. Anyways internet guy and I finally met and it was great.. no sex involved just conversation. We had one more meeting which was sexually and it was great. about a week ago I finally told my husband that I thought we needed to be true to ourselves and finally end our marriage.. He agreed.. I didn't tell internet man that I did this because I wanted to end my marriage for me not him.. I'm now in the process of looking for a job(stay at home mom for 8 years)...Well we continued our secret relationship mainly on the phone, text and email... then last week his wife said someone saw him at the place where we had our 1st encounter. He denied it of course.. 2 days later she brought it back up and described me to a "t". We always said that we didn't want to go down like that, especially if we were going to have a life in the future with our kids.. We didn't want them to have a bad taste in their mouths about either of us.. Internet guy and I decided to lay low so he wouldn't be under scrutiny. Then we decided to lay low till he files for custody of his kids. Since he is so involved with his children he doesn't want to be a part time dad. He wants primary custody of them and nothing else..especially since his wife is one of those who will use the kids against him. She's never really been a mom to them and he doesn't want her to be their primary care giver. I respect that.. so we decided to walk away from what we have till we get out of our previous situations and find each other when its all over. He still has no idea that i've already started the process with husband...So for now I haven't had any contact with him for 2 days and its killing me.. I'm so sad..I feel so bad for him because I hope he gets what he wants. I just wish i could play a recording of our last conversation between us.. The words, the tears...Is there any males out there going through custody cases now like this one? Any advice on how to mend my broken, empty heart till we meet again... I would appreciate any advice.. Thanks

[**Sapphire**]

WELCOME to ATLF! :) Sure glad that you joined us & decided to post as well!

I don't have any fool proof advice for you to be able to mend your broken heart. You are doing the right thing by laying low for a while until things get going with the both of you. Especially if his soon to be ex-wife can/will try to take the children away from him, it is a good thing that you 2 don't see eachother for the moment.

I would say, try to keep busy, get yourself started since you are going through the proceedings of divorce. You have been an at home mom for a while, so maybe to keep yourself busy try looking for places to live, a job etc.. That might help to make the days go by a little faster & keep you occupied enough so that you won't be missing your guy so much.

[~Teej~]

Well I am not a man but I wanted to reply anyway...You sound like you are going through a rough time but meeting this man and rediscovering feelings you haven't felt in a long time is a good thing...I would usually say to stick away from someone who is married but in this case I feel from reading your post that you are both into each other..

I really hope he doesn't lose contact with his kids in all of is and as you say he does everything for them at the moment so the courts should take that into account.

Good Luck hun and welcome to our happy home :D

[gnahtov]

Coming from a man and take it for what it is worth.

Be prepared for the worst. He could end up back with her and what you shared with him was nothing more than a fling.

Sorry to be so cold but I tell it like it is with no sugarcoat. Your relationship with him is defined as a fling so be prepared.

On the other hand, whatever happens, I hope the best for the both of you. Divorce is not easy especially for your kids.

Good luck and best regards.

[bridgesofmadson]

I'm just trying to take one day at a time.. More like one minute at a time. My thoughts are with internet guy every minute and I hope that the courts give him what he wants, not just for my sake but because he truly is an awesome guy who is living a nightmare right now. That's why I didn't tell him that I told my husband I wanted out of my relationship because I know i need to do my own thing without him being apart of the equation. I'm also willing to step aside so he can get his stuff together so I'm not a factor... My life is about to change in a big way. Instead of getting a regular 9-5 job during the day. I think I'm going to get a waitressing job at night so I can still be there for my kids...I'm a major part of their lives at school etc... I tried to get a job 2 months ago and my kids about had a break down...So for now I'm praying that internet guys I'm still with him heart and soul.. till we meet again and we find each other. Hopefully one day we can be together on a regular bases without other people in it. I just hope my heart stops aching soon...but I don't see that happening when everything reminds me of him.. and US... Thanks AGAIN

[stoner]

I am sorry to hear about what you're going through. Going through a divorce is not an easy one, especially with the children involved. Since I happen to be a one-woman person, I'm sorry that I will not be of much help with the issue that you're dealing with. I'd been married to my wife for 8 years now, and it's the one thing that I seriously thought long and hard; and went through numerous compromises and differences settled and agreed upon with my then fiance, before going in front of the altar to say "I do."

I hate to be blunt about my opinions, but at this point what you and Mr. Internet had was something magical, but without any forethought. In short, a spur of the moment. If you two were really meant to be together, then allow time to fix up this "mess" that both parties had gotten into first. I'm not talking about what you two had shared behind your spouses' backs, but the divorce proceedings that are currently unsettled atm.

What Mr. Internet is going through does not have anything to do with you. It's his own family "mess" and nobody else can settle that except his wife and him. From a distance, you can only wish for the best for him, and hope that the nature of the circumstances will be working in his favor. And the same can be applied to you. Whether he is aware of the parting between you and you husband or not, is none of his business either.

In time, when your both single (again), and the storms had settled down, then you may start getting serious about the moment that you both shared. You may also start talking about taking it more than just a moment. But for now, it's advisable for both parties to back off and take care of this hullabaloo first and foremost. Taking the situation a day at a time will be more ideal, as opposed to a minute at a time. Good luck.

[bridgesofmadson]

Your exactly right stoner.. That's why I never told him about my decision with my husband. If it is meant to be it will happen later when all our mess is settled.. Thanks for making me feel better...

[stoner]

You're very welcome. Hopefully things will work out ...

Don't be a stranger now ... do stop by every now and then and feel free to chat about anything and everything in between. :)

[bridgesofmadson]

Stoner..
Last night was really hard for me.. everywhere I turned there was another thing that smacked me in the face to remind me of internet guy...but this morning I read your quote on your message... It helps me realize I'm doing the right thing..

Thanks

[**Sapphire**]

Good for you bridges. I hope everything works out for you in the end. Stay strong & know that you can come back here anytime you want/need to & chat to us here. :)