I wanna run away!

[daisychip]

How can we go from wanting a lifetime to not........in a matter of days? How can I feel like my bf (ex...again) is the one for me but not want to follow through on becoming engaged and spending a lifetime with him? How can we go from excited bliss to the (plain hateful...another thread) so quickly? He is the man of my dreams except for the fact that he's so god d>>n childish. I think I'm too afraid of living the rest of my life in this way. He gets mad and does the worst thing possible to hurt me. I know why he does it but thats just not good enough for me, he needs to learn how to stop but he won't. Now that we're back to break-up mode again he is being as vicious and cruel as he can possibly be.....I'm back to not answering my phone, don't even want to get into my e-mail anymore, text mess. not being looked at. And the baddest part is, I know he'll never let it go, he'll always be trying to show me just what I lost out on. He'll buy a new truck and send me something like "like your ring?" I wish I could just get away from him, he lives two blocks away and our city isn't all that big so I'll be seeing him constantly. His ego is bruised and he's doing what helps him through it is why he acts this way but why can't he just understand when it's over.....it's over and it don't matter what he does or gets or whatever.......just as it doesn't matter what I do or get or whatever. It makes me so mad that the person that is so right for me in so many other ways, drives me away with childish behavoir. I just can't live with it, I never see it changing......I"m sad but happy at the same time........if that makes any sense. Carrying on as though I'm ok is what I know I have to do and act as though all his crap isn't bothering me, which it doesn't, what bothers me is that he's not bigger than that........and I CAN carry on as usual but I'm very sad and lost w/o having him lay his head in my lap everyday but I'm angry that I have to be the one that see's the problem and can't change it and I have to accept that I have to give up what I know could have been really great if it wasn't for this stupidity. Sometimes I truly HATE being the 'strong' one.

[~Teej~]

It sounds like this man really needs to grow up...But you know that already from what I have read in your post..

I really think the best thing you can do is call it a day if he makes you feel like this all the time and can over react on such little things.

It sounds to me that he needs to learn to face responsibilty for his actions. To send you hate mail and texts etc. How old is this man.?.

If you can't get past this vicious circle then do the mature thing and just walk away from the situation otherwise you are right and this kind of thing could go on forever.

You are a lovely person and if he can't see that then he is an idiot and you deserve someone who knows how to treat you right

[**Sapphire**]

I'm sorry to read about things taking a turn for the worse daisychip hun! :(

I do agree with Teej, if he does this when you 2 argue & break it off, what would he do if you 2 lived together & got married? What if you 2 argued about something trivial? Would he still act so childishly & send you the hurtful messages? Something to think about.

I think you did & are doing the right thing about not contacting him & not letting any of his messages get to you. Keep deleting them, he will eventually get the hint & stop. If he doesn't it just proves to you even more how childish he is & sooner or later you will start laughing at how he is & not even care if he bought a whole town on what he would have spent on your ring.

Do your best to move on & heal hun, it's good that you are the strong 1, you are showing yourself & even him (even if he doesn't want to see it) that YOU are the adult here.

(((HUGS)))

[daisychip]

Thank you both sooo much for 'keeping me afloat' cuz I feel like my ship is being sunk by a pinhole. It's taking forever to go down. I wish he'd just let it sink so it would be easier for me to move on....lol......I'm not caring about him at this point.

How's this for knowing him TOO well?..........I am NOT making this up.........not more than 45 min. after I wrote this post today...........he came over, of course I didn't open the door, but he left my 'jammies' with a note inside.....what'd it say you ask?......."another $600 in the ring fund - oh well - NEW TRUCK 4 ME!! (no bleach on clothes) :)" also left the bank deposit slip with everything but the date and amount scratched out........gawwd!.....how does he not get that even though yes a ring is important to me, I wouldn't be with him just for that and it's not ALL I care about? what a frickin retard!!

I'm sorry, I think I'm starting to get frustrated I can't make him stop and getting more sad.

Thank you for the 'lovely person' comment Teej, that really made me feel good especially since I have a hard time seeing it right now.

Thank you for the 'hugs' Sapphire, I think I put on too good of a front because even though people know whats going on, they must not feel like I could use one.

The forum and the people here have been a refuge for me.

[martinfan55]

oh my..its funny how most of our stories just somehow connect. LOL

i am not good at giving adivice thats why i am here. but i do send you hugs and hugs times a million!!!

[daisychip]

Thank you 'fan'!!..............I really need them, thank you!.........I feel so broken right now.

[stoner]

I'm sorry for the experience that you're going through right now. Your man definitely needs to grow up. If I were in this situation, and my partner refuses to change that "childish" behavior, then I'd break it off.

I'd view it like a child tantruming, and all I could do was to ignore it. It'll escalate to a certain degree, but once the child realizes that it's not getting any attention, he/she will realize that it gets old after a while and that it's time to stop.

I used to live in a small town where everyone knew everyone. One small scandal or intriguing incident, and suddenly I was the subject of gossip. Which was also the reason why I avoided having relationships with someone from my town. I did went out with one, but the results were disastrous, especially after the break-up.

For the time being, consider yourself fortunate that you managed to catch it while still in the engagement process of the relationship. I was engaged to my wife one year after we officially started going steady, but it took another two years before tying the knot. At that time, I told her that we needed to work out our differences first. And if they couldn't be reconciled in the here and now, then the relationship wasn't going anywhere. We had our moments when we argued constantly that we almost called off the engagement because of it. Eventually, things worked out between us and we went ahead with the plans.

Good luck.

[daisychip]

Thats what I wanted to do in my relationship too stoner. I was prepared to even try some counseling or anything that would enable us to communicate on an adult level but since we are doing so much of the stupid things, I just don't even want to be around him. For him it's the childish stuff I've spoken of and for me it's being to sensitive to any points he makes and being defensive. If you're not aware I have said in other threads I am one of those who always either has to be right or at least my point understood first. I have a problem conceding with him I think because of the sarcastic nature of the way he says things. I also have gotten VERY hurtful lately, and I hate it. I don't say much but what I have said I know will take forever to heal because in most ways I've meant what I said. Thr truth in my eyes. But it's the way that I've said I know is not right. Gaawwd.....I feel so small. And this is just another reason I feel we'd be better off w/o each other, it's so bad now that it would be funny if it wasn't so ridiculous and mean. I've gotten rid of the e-mail and my phone is just shut off, I don't even want to take the chance anymore of communicating with him at all, but still he keeps trying and it's so hard not to because if we were able to talk we are perfect for each other. I just can't do it anymore. No matter how much I want to. I feel like I need counseling just for myself from this relationship.

[~Teej~]

This is totally Off Topic and I'm being a naughty mod for doing it but.......

You have 100 posts rejoice

:240: :banana: :dance: :cheer2: :friday:

[gnahtov]

Sorry I had to say that but when my gf and I fight, it does not get that childish. But for some reason the damage sounds about the same. We hurt each other by things we don't do instead of things we do. Does that make sense? She is waiting for me to make the first move to compromise and be very affectionate while I wait for her to do the same. The longer we take to do it the more upset we both get.

In your case, try my piece of advice and I offer it knowing very well there is two sides to every story. He is acting and doing these childlike things for two main reasons among others.

1. He is hurt by something you are doing and hurting you back. It's not right but this is why there is such a thing as arguing/fighting. Someone has to stop first. The toughest part is learning to back down and begin the repair process. The toughest part is accepting fault and agreeing with everything that person has to say without replying.


2. If you show him any signs that what he is doing is bothering you, he will keep it up. Try not saying anything or reacting a few times. Just hold your silence and your emotion. It sounds like the only way he is going to grow up is to realize what he is doing himself. As easy as I make it sound, it isn't. Sometimes the best way to teach someone something is to lead by example. So make an example and be strong.


Good luck
Van Go

[stoner]

Perhaps you can take a break and do "exactly" as the thread subject says: "I wanna run away!" :)

Well not exactly. Nearly 13 years ago, I went through a very painful break-up with my partner at that time. Not just a gf, but to a fiance even. That summer, I was provided with the opportunity to travel the entire U.S., and I immediately grabbed it!

Armed with my backpack, a tent, an acoustic guitar, some pocket change and an Amtrak ticket, I did a lot of soul searching during my backpacking trips around the country. Whether I was looking at countless stars on a clear night after pitching my tent at a campsite in Arizona, or staring aimlessly out the window as the train roared through its tracks tirelessly, it was definitely a great experience. I met numerous people ... some great and some not so great. Most of the great ones were tourists who were doing exactly what I did. There were nights where I let them sleep in my hotel room, and there were nights when they did the same for me.

I returned home with a completely view on life in general. Although, it would take me one more year to finally get over her, at least the pain wasn't as extensive as it did that I was able to allow myself to get into relationships again. Perhaps, a similar idea might work for you? Good luck.

[daisychip]

She is waiting for me to make the first move to compromise and be very affectionate while I wait for her to do the same. The longer we take to do it the more upset we both get.

We are also in that spot as well..........geez....................I have stopped though. For today and then who knows what tomorrow willl bring...........and when he stops, I will know that he has accepted that it's done and I almost hate the thought of that as well..........how stupid! Amazing as it sounds it's very difficult to let him go.

I wish I could run away but that's not even a posibility. School is starting again soon for me and my son is starting a new business for himself and hopes I can help out............at leat I'll be busy. Prolly busier than I want too pretty soon.....lol.

100 posts? wow.........I do love the forum.......I talk too much sometimes but hopefully once in awhile someone can use something. THANKS evryone for having me!!!!!:)

[martinfan55]

hey daisychip, everytime someone replys to this forum.. i mean your thread i am getting the emails..isnt that weird???

[**Sapphire**]

hey daisychip, everytime someone replys to this forum.. i mean your thread i am getting the emails..isnt that weird???

To quickly answer your question Martinfan, anytime you post to a thread you will get an email when someone else posts to the same thread. It notifies you of more posts, if you would like to come back & read the new posts.


(((HUGS 4 DAISYCHIP))) :)

[stoner]

I wondered about that myself ... but then again, I find the e-mails as a warm welcome -- it also serves as a very good excuse to keep coming back and login to the ATLF! :D

[daisychip]

I find the e-mails as a warm welcome -- it also serves as a very good excuse to keep coming back and login to the ATLF!

thats the way it is for me too............

Thank You Sapphire!!!!!..............my heart feels sooo heavy.:disappointed:

[martinfan55]

oh ok Sapphire..thanks.


and of course a billion HUGS for daisychip!!!!

we all need HUGS!! HUGS for every individua on here!!! l:grouphug: :grouphug:

[~Teej~]

I turned that option of so I don't recieve a ton of e~mails. It was clogging up my E~Mails and I couldn't find any other E~Mails. :D