Sever all ties?

[ricicles]

I’ve just ended things with my boyfriend because although I loved him very very much he never appeared to show me any respect. I knew it was the right thing for me to do for MYSELF, he continues to think im just in a mood and ill change my mind shortly and we will be back together. The chance of a reunion is very slim because he can’t even acknowledge that he has done anything wrong, so therefore doesn’t feel any need to change. I must admit that if he did sincerely see the error of his ways and want to change I might consider taking him back. We have been through a lot together and I dearly miss waking up beside him each day. The reason for my post is I want some help or suggestions with regard to severing all ties. I can’t imagine not talking to him every day even though we are now “not together”, but at the same time I feel it’s unhealthy if I am going to be able to move on from this. Do you think it would be best for me to ignore his calls or change my phone number? Do you think its ok to just talk with him? I feel terrible whichever I choose to do, it hurts to talk to him and it hurts not to, but which is really best?

[**Sapphire**]

First...WELCOME to ATLF! :)

Second, I'm sorry your going through a rough time right now with your break-up. :(

I personally think no more contact would be best for you in the long run. You DID do the right thing by ending it with him, if he wasn't showing you any respect & he wasn't going to see what he was doing was wrong, there wasn't much of a relationship. Not only that, you were getting hurt by him disrespecting you & that wasn't right at all.

Sure, not contacting him will be hard, especially when the break-up is new, but you can do it. Try to do something that will keep your mind occupied. Maybe spend some time with family & friends, go do some things that you have been wanting to, but haven't had the chance to do. Take time for YOU now, let yourself heal from your relationship.

Best of luck to you!

[ricicles]

Thank you Sapphire for the warm welcome and sound advice!

Something i forgot to mention was that i broke things off with him while he was away staying with his brother (hes still there). We lived together and he still has possessions at my place. I dont want to be horrible and just throw them away but at the same time if he comes to collect them i know it will become very messy. The reason is because he does not want to break up at all, he thinks if he stays with his brother for awhile longer ill come around and he can come back home. There will come a point when he simply has to come back and collect his things but how can i deal with that in the best way? In the past he has simply refused to leave, i cant cope with that right now.

[~Teej~]

Well I was going to reply but it looks like Sapphire has said it all already.

What she said makes complete sense :D

Good luck to you

[**Sapphire**]

Thank you Sapphire for the warm welcome and sound advice!

Something i forgot to mention was that i broke things off with him while he was away staying with his brother (hes still there). We lived together and he still has possessions at my place. I dont want to be horrible and just throw them away but at the same time if he comes to collect them i know it will become very messy. The reason is because he does not want to break up at all, he thinks if he stays with his brother for awhile longer ill come around and he can come back home. There will come a point when he simply has to come back and collect his things but how can i deal with that in the best way? In the past he has simply refused to leave, i cant cope with that right now.

Maybe box up his things & when he does come by to get them, he will only have to pick up the boxes & go. There won't be anything extra for him to have to do, that way he won't be there longer than needed. That might work.

[daisychip]

Sounds like we may be living in somewhat of a parallel universe ricicles. We're just in a "mood". or something. or whatever. It's hard to discuss a problem when you're dimissed like that and frankly who cares to talk to 'em anyway! If it can't be productive then what choice are you left with? Only thing is to cut off the contact......continuing "just to talk to him"........gives him the impression that you're not serious about the matter so therefore he doesn't need to think about it. As for him collecting his things........is there a way you can take them to where he is.......preferably when he's not around, while at work, since it sounds like things could get out of hand no matter where you are? This way he will know that he has a choice to either take you seriously or choose to think your nuts while you move on. (which btw, is what my bf has chosen thus far)..........lol............"She's NUTS!!" Believe me, I know it hurts and is hard to let go of s/o you care so much for, but when the boundaries are crossed, we HAVE to take charge for our own sanity sake.

[ricicles]

Thank you daisychip, thats a really nice helpful reply.

Thing is, im not dealing with this well at all. Its only been four days now but im so desperate to hear his voice! I have to litterally say to myself "no dont call him!", to stop myself from ringing his phone! I just want to take my mind off things but being at home even without all his things around me just....reminds me of him. I dont think i wanted to break up, i just wanted him to see that hes upsetting me to the point of dispair and breaking up seemed the only way to really push that message home, but now ive done it and he appears to be "ok" with it is just hurting me even more.

Why do i just want him to call and beg? What difference would that make anyway? It wouldnt change anything! I just miss him so very very much and i feel like im dying inside. Im not sure which pain is worse, the pain of being without the love of my life or the pain of the love of my life treating me like s*it. Gosh do i sound pathetic? Please do share your stories.

[**Sapphire**]

The best way to help you get over a break-up is to try to keep busy. Spend some time with family & friends. Go do something that you have been wanting to do, but haven't had the time as of yet. When the urge to call him strikes you, do something to distract yourself. Maybe like read a good book, watch some television, take a walk around your area, anything that will get your mind on whatever it is that you are doing.

[daisychip]

You are not pathetic ricicles!! you are a woman who is dealing with a man who is either, not mature or is just self centered. Either one will make them appear to be 'ok' with the brealk up while you feel as though you're falling to pieces.
The question it sounds like you need to ask yourself, since you said you don't really want to break up is this........."If he doesn't change what he does that has bothered me to the point we're at now, can I live with it? possibly for the rest of my life?"...........We can't always get s/o to change their behavoir so thats when we need to decide if that boundary can be stretched for the sake of the relationship. BUT!!!!..........be careful with this one because when we're hurting it's easy to say "oh I can live with that, I love him."......but we end up losing our values and morals, and pretty soon we have no more character and the "love of our life" ends up seeing us as worthless and pathetic and treats us that way. Even more than before. It's VERY important to decide which battles are worth fighting and which are not.
It's very painful to feel like your mate is walking around w/o a second thought about you or that he may be laughing about it even with all his buddies or whatever, but if you know that you are holding onto your dignity and not letting yourself be second place, you will own your self-respect and will earn it from others that are worthy of you. So as I said b4, you are not pathetic!!.......you have values you are fighting for and if he can't see that or don't care to see that, then maybe you should be having some second thoughts of rather he really is your true love. I hope I made some kind of sense..........it's always easier to have it in my head than to write it out.
Sapphire made some good points for taking your mind off him and I will just add one..........I always find it very helpful to get out of myself and try helping s/o else. I like to be here in the forum when I can..........but there's many org. that can use volunteers. Sometimes through the struggles of others, we can see the answers to our own a little more easily or clearly.

[stoner]

What the others before me had already posted. It is for the better to sever all ties with him, and keep moving forward with your life. It may be a little at a time, but always forward. Allow time to mend your broken heart, and perhaps when you least expect it, the Mr. Right that you've been looking for might come along. Good luck.