Atlanta
07-09-2007, 05:40 PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. We split briefly 3 months in to the relationship when he attended a wedding and "freaked out about commitment". I thought we had mostly put it in the past and our relationship got stronger.
The day before he said he wouldn't be staying all day at the wedding so he would phone me when he got home and I would go round and stay the night. On the day of the wedding, time was getting on and he hadn't called. Basically I texted him a couple of times. He called back about midnight. Saying how sorry he was that he hadn't texted or phoned etc. I said why didn't you? He said his phone had fallen down the lining of this jacket so he couldn't reply. He then had to go cause my mate was trying to get her other cousin in to a taxi and needed help. I was still upset and angry at him, so I told him not to bother phoning me back. I cracked a little while later and texted him with "phone me". Which he did, his brother had did a runner from the taxi and they were looking for him. So he had to go again.
About half 3 in the morning he phones me to say they are at his flat but can't get in because he has left his wallet and his actual jacket at the wedding. So basically it was a case of if worst comes to worst and they can't get in can they come and stay at my house. Eventually they got in. So I thought ok we can talk now. To cut a lot boring conversation short, I said I was really not happy with him not texting or phoning saying that he was just going to stay at the wedding. He said I know I'm a b******d. Then I said along the lines of I don't know where this leaves us, as I think I deserve more respect than what he was giving me. I asked him if he wanted to finish, he said he didn't know. Well to be honest that was enough for me. He said I don't want to talk about this when I'm drunk, come round tomorrow. I said I am not coming round for us to decide we are finished. He said his feelings had changed 2 weeks ago.
Fast forward to early afternoon next day: He phoned me. I had deleted his number remember so I didn't know instantly it was him. I said "Hello" He said "Hello, How are you today?" (At this point I thought OMFG he's phoning to see if I am devastated!) I said "I'm ok, how are you?" He said "Shamefaced, I am so sorry" I said "Don't be" He said "Why not?" I said "Cause its over, it doesn't matter now" He said "It doesn't have to be over" I said "What are you trying to tell me? That you regret it?" He said "Of course I do, I was so drunk" So to cut a short conversation even shorter he asked if I would meet him. I thought about it and decided to. It was part of my leave it on good terms while both of us were sober train of thought. We arranged to meet on neutral ground, but he phoned back and said he couldn't leave the house because his wallet with his key was left at the wedding (which I knew about) he asked if it was ok if I went there. I said ok.
I went to his house and it was awkward, I walked in the door and he took a step forward to hug me or kiss me or something I kind of brushed past him. He made a cup of tea but as he was passing me to go in to the kitchen he touched my face which made me retract. We had a good talk, he was squirming like mad and looked so upset and nervous. I really had never seen him like that before. I asked him what would change if we got back and he said definitely the drinking, stop being selfish and treat you better. I said "How do you feel about me?" He said "I love you". He said when he woke up and realised what he had done he got that sinking feeling and had to build up the courage to phone me. He understood things couldn't automatically go back to the way they were, that because my trust in him has took a nose dive. He said he has had a taste of losing me and he doesn't want that again. This time its for keeps.
Fast forward to last week. He had checked his email at my house, when I went to log on his was still there. I wanted to look at the emails that I had deleted from when we first started seeing each other. I found where they were and that there was a bit long list of them, so I just used the up arrow to read them. I went up too far, the next one on that list was one from his dad asking if he had got that girls number from the wedding and reminding him of her name. I felt sick at this point. So (wrongly I know, please don't give me a hard time for the email thing - he hasn't.) I had to find the next email from his dad to see if he had replied about that. The next one from his dad had my boyfriends reply on it as well, he had and said that he did get her number, but forgot to store it. His dad then replied with well if you want it, his auntie (who's wedding it was) could give him it. My mind went in to over drive.
So I phoned him, and said (I was desperate to know the truth) that a psychic had told me that something happend at the wedding, trying to get a girls phone number or something. He said nothing happend, he was not trying to get any girls number. They aren't real, give him their email address and he would give them what for. All the time I am sitting knowing he is lying. We had a argument, call over. I phoned him a further 2 times just to get him to admit it. He didn't.
Next day he came to my house so I could go with him to pick up the keys to his new flat. I asked him again when we got to his flat, he again denied everything. So I just came out with "I know something did". Then I explained about the emails. He told me he had forgotton about it until I had mentioned it and because I had asked if anything happend at the wedding before and he had said no he didn't feel he could go back on it. He apologised, said he only chatted to her then got her number at the end of the night. We talked about it for a while. I stayed over, he was leaving for the rigs the next day.
Things recently have been really good. I've asked him questions and questions, he's mostly answered them, but its really hard when I need to talk and he's phoned from the rigs and has people surrounding him. But when he could he has sent me loving emails saying he wants to work through this, and how much he loves me and how he would never dream of doing something like this again. And how he realises he's hurt me and he's so sorry etc.
So basically this is how it stands: We are still together. We both want to work through it. But we aren't sure how to. I said something has to change, but he doesn't think anything has to.
I feel hurt, angry and upset. He said he understands why, but I feel he is trying to hurry the whole thing up. He says we will have a big talk tomorrow night and start to put things right. But I would like a clear thought plan of what it is I want to say, what I should be saying and what I really need to know.
Advice desperately needed please.
The day before he said he wouldn't be staying all day at the wedding so he would phone me when he got home and I would go round and stay the night. On the day of the wedding, time was getting on and he hadn't called. Basically I texted him a couple of times. He called back about midnight. Saying how sorry he was that he hadn't texted or phoned etc. I said why didn't you? He said his phone had fallen down the lining of this jacket so he couldn't reply. He then had to go cause my mate was trying to get her other cousin in to a taxi and needed help. I was still upset and angry at him, so I told him not to bother phoning me back. I cracked a little while later and texted him with "phone me". Which he did, his brother had did a runner from the taxi and they were looking for him. So he had to go again.
About half 3 in the morning he phones me to say they are at his flat but can't get in because he has left his wallet and his actual jacket at the wedding. So basically it was a case of if worst comes to worst and they can't get in can they come and stay at my house. Eventually they got in. So I thought ok we can talk now. To cut a lot boring conversation short, I said I was really not happy with him not texting or phoning saying that he was just going to stay at the wedding. He said I know I'm a b******d. Then I said along the lines of I don't know where this leaves us, as I think I deserve more respect than what he was giving me. I asked him if he wanted to finish, he said he didn't know. Well to be honest that was enough for me. He said I don't want to talk about this when I'm drunk, come round tomorrow. I said I am not coming round for us to decide we are finished. He said his feelings had changed 2 weeks ago.
Fast forward to early afternoon next day: He phoned me. I had deleted his number remember so I didn't know instantly it was him. I said "Hello" He said "Hello, How are you today?" (At this point I thought OMFG he's phoning to see if I am devastated!) I said "I'm ok, how are you?" He said "Shamefaced, I am so sorry" I said "Don't be" He said "Why not?" I said "Cause its over, it doesn't matter now" He said "It doesn't have to be over" I said "What are you trying to tell me? That you regret it?" He said "Of course I do, I was so drunk" So to cut a short conversation even shorter he asked if I would meet him. I thought about it and decided to. It was part of my leave it on good terms while both of us were sober train of thought. We arranged to meet on neutral ground, but he phoned back and said he couldn't leave the house because his wallet with his key was left at the wedding (which I knew about) he asked if it was ok if I went there. I said ok.
I went to his house and it was awkward, I walked in the door and he took a step forward to hug me or kiss me or something I kind of brushed past him. He made a cup of tea but as he was passing me to go in to the kitchen he touched my face which made me retract. We had a good talk, he was squirming like mad and looked so upset and nervous. I really had never seen him like that before. I asked him what would change if we got back and he said definitely the drinking, stop being selfish and treat you better. I said "How do you feel about me?" He said "I love you". He said when he woke up and realised what he had done he got that sinking feeling and had to build up the courage to phone me. He understood things couldn't automatically go back to the way they were, that because my trust in him has took a nose dive. He said he has had a taste of losing me and he doesn't want that again. This time its for keeps.
Fast forward to last week. He had checked his email at my house, when I went to log on his was still there. I wanted to look at the emails that I had deleted from when we first started seeing each other. I found where they were and that there was a bit long list of them, so I just used the up arrow to read them. I went up too far, the next one on that list was one from his dad asking if he had got that girls number from the wedding and reminding him of her name. I felt sick at this point. So (wrongly I know, please don't give me a hard time for the email thing - he hasn't.) I had to find the next email from his dad to see if he had replied about that. The next one from his dad had my boyfriends reply on it as well, he had and said that he did get her number, but forgot to store it. His dad then replied with well if you want it, his auntie (who's wedding it was) could give him it. My mind went in to over drive.
So I phoned him, and said (I was desperate to know the truth) that a psychic had told me that something happend at the wedding, trying to get a girls phone number or something. He said nothing happend, he was not trying to get any girls number. They aren't real, give him their email address and he would give them what for. All the time I am sitting knowing he is lying. We had a argument, call over. I phoned him a further 2 times just to get him to admit it. He didn't.
Next day he came to my house so I could go with him to pick up the keys to his new flat. I asked him again when we got to his flat, he again denied everything. So I just came out with "I know something did". Then I explained about the emails. He told me he had forgotton about it until I had mentioned it and because I had asked if anything happend at the wedding before and he had said no he didn't feel he could go back on it. He apologised, said he only chatted to her then got her number at the end of the night. We talked about it for a while. I stayed over, he was leaving for the rigs the next day.
Things recently have been really good. I've asked him questions and questions, he's mostly answered them, but its really hard when I need to talk and he's phoned from the rigs and has people surrounding him. But when he could he has sent me loving emails saying he wants to work through this, and how much he loves me and how he would never dream of doing something like this again. And how he realises he's hurt me and he's so sorry etc.
So basically this is how it stands: We are still together. We both want to work through it. But we aren't sure how to. I said something has to change, but he doesn't think anything has to.
I feel hurt, angry and upset. He said he understands why, but I feel he is trying to hurry the whole thing up. He says we will have a big talk tomorrow night and start to put things right. But I would like a clear thought plan of what it is I want to say, what I should be saying and what I really need to know.
Advice desperately needed please.