cuterose
07-09-2007, 04:46 AM
This is a bit long...I tried to summarize as much as possible. Okay, here it goes:
i met my husband in an online chatroom when I was 18. I had a lot of difficult things going on at that time. I had been kicked out of college, my dad left my mom after a bitter fight that had been building for years, my mom was hospitalized, my sister ran away from home and I had lost my job. At the time I would go online a lot to get away from reality and that's how I met paul.
Paul was very sweet to me. I told him all that was going on in my life and he would comfort me. He was from west africa and was attending college in germany. He was sure that I was the woman he'd always prayed for, as I was young, sweet and academic. After six months of chatting, he came to visit me in california for christmas. It was there that he proposed to me in front of my friends and family and I said yes.
The next march, we got married. I was 19. We stayed with my mom. At the time we didn't have any money and he didn't have permission to work in the us. So I worked in an office while awaiting his citizenship to be approved. After a few months it finally came through. But within those few months I started to see how different we really were. To me he was ridiculously frugal and acted much older than he actually was (he's 8 years older than me). He was very critical of everything I did and was quick to raise his voice and get frustrated with me whenever something went wrong. He was very superstituous due to his culture. To him I was just immature and inexperienced with life. We fought a lot, mostly over money. Little by little I began to see him differently than the picture I had painted of him in my mind.
After about a year of marriage, I found I was pregnant. We still didn't have a place to live. Even through the pregnancy we fought all the time, even though I was worried that it was affecting the baby.
About three months after the baby was born, we moved in with a friend because my mom lost her house. But after a few months we moved out because my husband wasn't paying rent like he said he would. So I moved back in with my mom. Paul decided that he wanted to be a truckdriver and went off to drive cross country, leaving me to care for the baby and look for a job.
While he was gone I felt happy for the first time in awhile. I realized that I was actually at peace and wasn't frustrated when my husband was gone. The first time I saw him after three weeks, I actually dreaded it and tried very hard to avoid argument. When he went away, I was relieved again.
Don't get me wrong. My husband isn't all bad, but our personalities clash so much that it's hard for me not to be frustrated whenever my husband is around. I am spontaneous and love to laugh while he is very rigid and serious. It strikes me because people in his culture are usually very friendly and happy-go-lucky. Having to deal with my husband's constant criticisms and emotional outbursts have worn me down a lot. I have told him before that I want a divorce, and he kept emphasizing that once we get financially settled then everything between us will be fine. But I know it's not the money. I know that I married too young and too soon and I have been terribly disillusioned with my marriage. I always think, "what if there is someone out there who I really was suppose to spend my life with but I rushed and got married to the wrong one because of my unhappy family situation?" Paul still lives away from me and the baby because of work and i've found that i'm perfectly happy raising her on my own, and that I just want to be alone to get to know myself the way a woman in her early twenties should. Most people tell me that I should try to make the marriage work but there is simply nothing to work with. So now that i've told my whole story I wanted to know what yall think. Thanks.
i met my husband in an online chatroom when I was 18. I had a lot of difficult things going on at that time. I had been kicked out of college, my dad left my mom after a bitter fight that had been building for years, my mom was hospitalized, my sister ran away from home and I had lost my job. At the time I would go online a lot to get away from reality and that's how I met paul.
Paul was very sweet to me. I told him all that was going on in my life and he would comfort me. He was from west africa and was attending college in germany. He was sure that I was the woman he'd always prayed for, as I was young, sweet and academic. After six months of chatting, he came to visit me in california for christmas. It was there that he proposed to me in front of my friends and family and I said yes.
The next march, we got married. I was 19. We stayed with my mom. At the time we didn't have any money and he didn't have permission to work in the us. So I worked in an office while awaiting his citizenship to be approved. After a few months it finally came through. But within those few months I started to see how different we really were. To me he was ridiculously frugal and acted much older than he actually was (he's 8 years older than me). He was very critical of everything I did and was quick to raise his voice and get frustrated with me whenever something went wrong. He was very superstituous due to his culture. To him I was just immature and inexperienced with life. We fought a lot, mostly over money. Little by little I began to see him differently than the picture I had painted of him in my mind.
After about a year of marriage, I found I was pregnant. We still didn't have a place to live. Even through the pregnancy we fought all the time, even though I was worried that it was affecting the baby.
About three months after the baby was born, we moved in with a friend because my mom lost her house. But after a few months we moved out because my husband wasn't paying rent like he said he would. So I moved back in with my mom. Paul decided that he wanted to be a truckdriver and went off to drive cross country, leaving me to care for the baby and look for a job.
While he was gone I felt happy for the first time in awhile. I realized that I was actually at peace and wasn't frustrated when my husband was gone. The first time I saw him after three weeks, I actually dreaded it and tried very hard to avoid argument. When he went away, I was relieved again.
Don't get me wrong. My husband isn't all bad, but our personalities clash so much that it's hard for me not to be frustrated whenever my husband is around. I am spontaneous and love to laugh while he is very rigid and serious. It strikes me because people in his culture are usually very friendly and happy-go-lucky. Having to deal with my husband's constant criticisms and emotional outbursts have worn me down a lot. I have told him before that I want a divorce, and he kept emphasizing that once we get financially settled then everything between us will be fine. But I know it's not the money. I know that I married too young and too soon and I have been terribly disillusioned with my marriage. I always think, "what if there is someone out there who I really was suppose to spend my life with but I rushed and got married to the wrong one because of my unhappy family situation?" Paul still lives away from me and the baby because of work and i've found that i'm perfectly happy raising her on my own, and that I just want to be alone to get to know myself the way a woman in her early twenties should. Most people tell me that I should try to make the marriage work but there is simply nothing to work with. So now that i've told my whole story I wanted to know what yall think. Thanks.