inlove with him, is it wrong? [Archive] - Relationship, Dating Forums, Advice on Love

laura_lee88

07-05-2007, 11:10 PM

Hi,
I would really appreciate the advice, Im so lost right now,
Im a 19 year old female who is deeply in love with her cousin (who is 23 years old) and has been for many years.
We were brought up together as kids and our families are very close.
I had always had a crush on him as a child but as I grew older my feelings grew stronger, and I’m finding it difficult to keep it a secret now.
I have tried so hard to get him out of my head but im am not getting anywhere, I compare everyone to him, which isn’t going to be good for me in future relationships, if I am unable to commit fully.
Recently I met his new girlfriend, and tried my best to make her feel welcome and made an effort to talk to her, as much as I felt like crying, I was devastated when I found out.
When me and my cousin were left to talk to each other alone, we got into a discussion about cousins having an intimate relationship, and he said that he thought it was acceptable, and he would have a relationship with his cousin, he only has 3 female cousins. At first I was delighted that he didn’t see a problem with cousin relationships, then I thought that if he didn’t think it was a big deal, he would have asked me out already if he had any feelings for me.
We talked about his relationship with his girlfriend, and he said that, they were not serious, and she was more interested in him than he was in her, However our family are under the impression that it is serious. Why is he telling me different?
The following week I went to a fortune teller and she brought my cousin up without me mentioning him, she told me that he had feelings for me aswell and I would get an opportunity to be with him, if I stopped backing away.
Sometimes I catch him, at the corner of my eye staring at me (my fortune teller said, “he smiles with his eyes“), and whenever we have a family function he is always spends his time with me. Even when his girlfriend was with him, he still left her to be with me.
I dont know what to do. I could tell him and risk our relationship as it is, or i could leave it and risk never knowing if he feels the same? truth is, im terrified.
I am from Uk where it is perfectly legal to have a relationship with your cousin
Thank you
Laura x

Riggs

07-06-2007, 12:50 AM

laura_lee88

07-06-2007, 11:07 AM

Penguin_Woman

07-06-2007, 12:39 PM

Hi, laura_lee. Welcome to ATLF. I'll admit...that's not an easy question to answer. Certainly if he was any other guy and...didn't have a gf I'd encourage you to follow your heart. I guess the best I can suggest is to see where things go with his gf. He may be saying it's not serious...but as you said...others disagree. If they happen to break up and you still fel the same way. I guess tell him and see what happens

Riggs

07-06-2007, 02:46 PM

Thanks for the comment riggs, but im scraed incase he has the same feelings as me but is also scared to tell me.
Ive posted this on a few forums and many people tell me that i should tell him beacause you never know, i might never get the chance. Tommorrow might never come...
Ive tried to forget about him but thats just not happening.
thanks again

Then you will have to talk to him, darlin. Tell him how you feel. If not, you will always wonder what he was thinking and what could have been. Am I right, love? I don't know what the outcome will be, but at least you will know. You won't be wondering all the time about it, and you can movie on with your life.

laura_lee88

07-06-2007, 03:55 PM

~Teej~

07-06-2007, 05:10 PM

Lol i know he's not the best person to fall for as he is my cousin,. I cna't turn my feelings off ive tried for years, theres just something there, and i really do think he cares for me in the same way.
i believe that Whats for you won't go by you, im scared incase i don't make a move and miss out forever.
If i was too tell him i wouln't have a clue what to say. I wouldn't tell him that i was inlove with him incase i scared him off...i dunno!!
Maybe i should just try and move on again as impossible as it is.
My friends who i have trusted with this secret have said that maybe, by him saying he is not serious about her, is him sayin, "im still available if you want me" and him bringing up the conversation of cousins going out, was him, "testing the water"
thankyou for your comments
laurax

Men are confusing creatures and I believe they might be right.

Although I thought I had signs like this a few months ago...I did nothing coz I was afraid of the reaction and now I am just treating like one of the boys.

Be brave and make the move, otherwise you will never know

Best of luck to you

Riggs

07-06-2007, 06:50 PM

Lol i know he's not the best person to fall for as he is my cousin,. I cna't turn my feelings off ive tried for years, theres just something there, and i really do think he cares for me in the same way.
i believe that Whats for you won't go by you, im scared incase i don't make a move and miss out forever.
If i was too tell him i wouln't have a clue what to say. I wouldn't tell him that i was inlove with him incase i scared him off...i dunno!!
Maybe i should just try and move on again as impossible as it is.
My friends who i have trusted with this secret have said that maybe, by him saying he is not serious about her, is him sayin, "im still available if you want me" and him bringing up the conversation of cousins going out, was him, "testing the water"
thankyou for your comments
laurax

Baby doll..tell him the truth. Say.. I have the hots for you, man ! Now what are you going to do about it? lol No, really, I know what you are trying to say here. Well, sweetheart.. you either tell him how you feel, or move on with your life now. Good or bad..nothing will ever be made right, unless you talk things out first..in a relationship or not.

aussiecoffee007

07-06-2007, 10:31 PM

personally i wouldnt jeopardize a relationship with family like that, so id probably wait for him to make the first move... especially if he has a girlfriend... id just wait a bit.

laura_lee88

07-07-2007, 03:21 PM

Lol i've been waiting for years :P
In all honesty i think my family would support it, shocked yes but then...who wouldn't be.
One night when i was sitting in with my parent i asked them, "what would you do if me and one of my cousins ended up in a relationship?" my dad's response wasn't what i would have hoped for, as he said something quite cheeky about cousin couples but then he said," it wouldn't matter aslong as you were happy," and my mum agreed.
Mu uncle married his cousin and they had healthy children and my family were supportive of them, but they were not as close as me and my cousin are.
I think that the next time i see him i will try and bring the subject of cousins going out again, but this time ask more questions, (his g/f interupted us last time)
x

aussiecoffee007

07-07-2007, 04:42 PM

haha yes or just drop him subtle (or you know, unsubtle) hints that you think its okay and stuff, but i wouldnt flat-out tell him until you know whats going on with his girlfrined... if he truly likes you he'll break up with her because the feelings for her arent there anymore.

Riggs

07-07-2007, 06:33 PM

That's true. If his feelings are more stronger for you than her, he will break up with her and go with you.

laura_lee88

07-07-2007, 07:44 PM

laura_lee88

07-07-2007, 07:47 PM

aussiecoffee007

07-07-2007, 07:55 PM

well, okay, its not like someone has a right to be with anyone, but you have to wonder, why is he still with her if he likes you? when he likes you enough or decides hes okay with that whole cousins thing perhaps he will end things with his girlfriend for you, but why does he have a girlfriend if hes not that interested in her? why doesnt he just break up with her? just wait for him. dont ruin their relationship or anything, if he breaks up with her thats that, and you can be with him :)

Riggs

07-07-2007, 08:09 PM

The other problem is that...as far as im aware, she really likes him, he's not as interested in her as she is in him, And i think it would be really horrible of me if i ruined their relationship, its selfish and out of character for me.
Do you think she has more of a right to be with him than i do???
laura x

Hmm.. all of you have a right to be with whom you want. I guess you can look at it this way. If he didn't really like her, than why is he staying with her then? I guess you are right in thinking the way you do. What if you were the gf and some other girl was to try to take your man away from you? The guy needs to make up his mind which girl he really wants to be with. Maybe he would really like to be with you, but it is the family thing that bothers him more than he is willing to say. I don't know, hun. I guess tell him how you feel and get it all out in the open, so that, you can have some closer. You need your peace of mind however it works out. Good luck ! :)

Riggs

07-07-2007, 08:18 PM

p.s) I think i will drop subtle hints that i like him more than a cousin, and its up too him to make a move, i just hope that i don't end up broken hearted if he doesn't! :(
as Horrible as most people think it is, i really do love him, i know im only 19 and ive "got plenty of time to find the right man," im just not interested in anyone else :(

Only 19? You don't really know what you want at that age, hun. Do you think it might just be puppy love, darlin? Think you are, but when it comes down to it, not really. My gosh, love, give you some time to date others first, because I know girls that moved too fast and wish they didn't. In other words..don't be to fast to grow up. Enjoy your life and date around. If you guys are meant to be together, you will be.

laura_lee88

07-07-2007, 10:35 PM

At first i thought it was just a stupid crush that i would get over after a few weeks, but those weeks turned into months and those months turned into 4 years...so, you can see theres no chance its just puppy love lol, i wish it was, it would saave me all the pain:(
Like i said, its been for years and i've tried going out with other guys but no one seems to...match up too him,i dont know how to explain this, its so difficult, especially since he is my cousin. You all must think im weird:P hehe.

As for him going out with his the girl...My friends think it could be a saftey net? If he does have any feelings for me he may just put them off because i am his, little cousin and he might think that telling me would be inappropriate, he is 23.
Then again i could just be reading into everything.
There are many times that we have been together and i have felt like he wanted to tell me something but was holding back.
I don't think i could forgive myself if i ruined their relationship it isn't fair on this girl, its not her fault at the end of the day, and i think she deserves a chance with him, cause he is such a good guy, and she was there first i suppose:(

Riggs

07-07-2007, 11:15 PM

Baby, I hate to be the one to tell ya, but if something didn't happen within 4yrs, darlin, very slim chance it will. Sorry, but I am being honest, love.

laura_lee88

07-08-2007, 01:13 PM

its ok i appreciate your honesty Riggs, but i've liked him as more than a cousin for the last 4 yrs, and its only been in the last year n a half that he's been showing me interest, its little things that make me think he likes me.
He keeps himself to himself and he never cuddles or kisses anyone, except from a quick hello, and goodbye but with me he's different, cuddles me all the time.
He always compliments me and things...there are so many times i could tell you about and because of the type of guy he is its very unusual.

aussiecoffee007

07-08-2007, 05:36 PM

well also not to be harsh, i just think if he liked you he wouldnt have a girlfriend and if he liked you he would have broken up with her by now for you, since you kind of hinted at it...

Penguin_Woman

07-08-2007, 06:00 PM

Yeah...ya know what could be...is that he enjoys knowing you've got a crush on him. I guess it's equally possible he's truly clueless...just not real plausable. :shrug:

laura_lee88

07-09-2007, 06:13 AM

i doubt he knows that i like him, as i don't show it.
It was him that hinted at me, ave not said anythin. he brought up cousin relationships and i was wonderin why so i said, "how would you ever go out with your cousin," and he said, " yeh, i don't think there's anything wrong with it, it wouldn't matter to me" and then said quietly (putting his head down) "would you?"
As for his girlfriend, why would he dump her for me when, ive not told him i like him, that would be a bit stupid, i don't expect him to be single until i get the guts too tell him. He could just be in the same boat as me, but thinks theres no chance, so he's movin on.
At the end of the day all i want is for him to be happy even if its not with me.

Im not in denial or anythin, maybe you guys are right, but i very much doubt he knows.
thanks again
laura x

~Teej~

07-09-2007, 07:34 AM

That sounds like a sign hun.
He has been hinting towards cousin relationships and I am sure that If you tell him and he isn't interested ( which from what I have just read It doesn't seem likely ) that it will not spoil the bond that you both have.
Good Luck.

laura_lee88

07-09-2007, 05:55 PM

If i tell him, i doubt it will jeprodise my relationship with hi,. he's a really decent guy.
My frinds advice was, "get drunk and tell him, so if he isn't interested you can just say it was the drink talking,"
I decided against this as, he is far too important to me, and if im ever going to tell him i want to make sure i had a clear head. Plus theres always the chance that he is interested and thinks its just the drink talking, and may not respond :(
x

aussiecoffee007

07-09-2007, 09:43 PM

yeah i definitely dont think that drunk thing is a good idea, you need to be sober when you tell him so that he takes you seriously.

then id just tell him and see what he does, tell him and let him make the next move.

Riggs

07-10-2007, 02:38 AM

Oh..no no no..don't get drunk, hun.

laura_lee88

07-10-2007, 09:10 PM

no there is definetley no chance of me doing that, i care for him too much too blow it like that,
I decided to try and get over him, so i worte him a "fake letter" writing all my thoughts and feelings down, basically confessing to him. I didn't have a clue what i was writing until i read over it in the end, it talked about all the times weve been together. Its helped a little, but its brought up memories that i had forgotten and its made me think that he really does have feelings for me. I showed my friend it and she started crying lol, shes a bit of a romantic at heart :P
thanks again
laura x

Riggs

07-10-2007, 09:17 PM

Nothing wrong with having a romantic heart.

aussiecoffee007

07-10-2007, 09:34 PM

why dont you show him this letter? or tell him how you feel?

laura_lee88

07-10-2007, 09:39 PM

yeh i know, it was sweet, she said it was, "a beautiful letter".
The letter was very long, around 15 pages maybe more, and if i showed him this letter it may be to much, i only did it for my own benifet so i could get everything off my chest.
If i did show him he may get frightened because its a very strong letter.
x

aussiecoffee007

07-10-2007, 10:02 PM

well then perhaps you can draw strength from this letter and just try to tell him how you feel, and then see how he rxts to it all

Penguin_Woman

07-10-2007, 10:33 PM

Sounds like a plan to me...maybe paraphrase some. :)

laura_lee88

07-11-2007, 12:05 AM

Yeh maybe, now all i need is some courage, im a big chicken:P

Riggs

07-11-2007, 12:21 AM

Oh, hun, what do you have to lose? Go for it..you big chicken. lol

aussiecoffee007

07-11-2007, 12:46 AM

id go for it too, it seems like its killin ya now and you havent done it and you should just do it and get it in the open!

laura_lee88

07-11-2007, 12:25 PM

~Teej~

07-11-2007, 01:06 PM

Yeh maybe, now all i need is some courage, im a big chicken:P

I'm a big chicken as well hun..I still need the courage to tell Adam..So you are not alone in this..I'm a big chicken as well hun

You can do it though

Riggs

07-11-2007, 01:13 PM

lol yeh, i think i will go for it, i've got a big party at the end of the month so i'll dress to impress :p and tell him...unless his girlfriend is there, if she is i think i'll just leave well alone.
God, al be a stuttering idiot :p
If he says no, then atleast i tried, and can move on :(
thanks x

Well, if you dress to impress.. he will be the one that will be doing the stuttering. lol

It is better to have tried and lost than to have never tried at all... YOU BIG CHICKEN ! :p

laura_lee88

07-11-2007, 01:40 PM

Its hard telling someone your interested in them nevermind them being your cousin :p but you need to ask yourself if there worth the risk, and i feel that he is, I've grown up with him so basically I've grown in love with him.
I'm dreading it though, what if he says no and he dosen't want to talk to me again :( I would be devastated. I know he won't though I'm being stupid, he a great guy. I've got till the end of the month to figure out what I'm going to say :worried:
Thanks for all the encouragment you guys :), you've helped me alot.
x

laura_lee88

07-11-2007, 01:40 PM

p.s excuse the spelling, sometimes i type too fast for my own good :p

Penguin_Woman

07-11-2007, 02:31 PM

I'm sure that would never happen. Even if he doesn't think of you that way...he's still your cousin and furthermore seems like your friend too. :)

aussiecoffee007

07-12-2007, 12:32 AM

i dont think itll happen either, worst comes to worst itll be awkward for a few family gatherings.. i jsut think the possibility of him saying yes so outweighs the inkling of a possiblity of him saying no!! :)
so id just go for it and keep us updated ;)

laura_lee88

07-12-2007, 01:49 PM

Ok, im going to go for it and tell him. God knows what i am going to say, but if i don't do it soon i may never get the chance again.
At the end of the month, is when i will next see him. What will i do if his girlfriend id there?? If shes there is that a sign i shouldn't pursue him?
x

Penguin_Woman

07-12-2007, 02:05 PM

Yeah, if his gf is there then it's not the right time

laura_lee88

07-12-2007, 04:46 PM

do you guys think i should just forget about it, because i would hate to be the girl he was goin out with and have someone trying to steal her boyfriend??
Or do u think its better i tell him before it gets too serious, so that she can get out (if he likes me obviously) without getting too hurt??
x

Penguin_Woman

07-12-2007, 05:15 PM

Well, my stance has been to wait to see what happens with his gf just for that reason. But I can see the other side too. I'd hate for you to find out later that had you only just spoken up...something coulda happened. I know I'm no help..lol

laura_lee88

07-12-2007, 05:19 PM

Lol, tuxette, you do help.
Just me trying to put it off as longas possible, im soo scared its unbelievable:( but i suppose you never lose by loving you always lose by holding back

Penguin_Woman

07-12-2007, 05:22 PM

Yep. I'd agree with that. I've always said love can mean taking chances. :)

aussiecoffee007

07-13-2007, 01:25 AM

i would just tell him and leave the rest to him, if he breaks it off thats a good sign and true love is more important ;)

laura_lee88

07-14-2007, 05:21 PM

yeh i suppose you guys are right.
The longer i hide it the worse its going to get:(
i'll be telling him in a couple of weeks :) hopefully evrything will work out for the best
thanks laura x

mashmac

07-14-2007, 05:46 PM

good luck with it laura lee.

**Sapphire**

07-14-2007, 08:14 PM

Best of luck to you Laura Lee.

Please do come back & let us know how it went when you told him.

laura_lee88

07-15-2007, 12:31 AM

thanks for all the support, i will tell u all how it went, hopefully its goodnews :P

aussiecoffee007

07-16-2007, 04:50 AM

ooh yeah definitely keep us updated... good luck too.

aussiecoffee007

07-18-2007, 08:40 PM

sorry laura lee, i saw you posted about him again, do you have any updates for us?

laura_lee88

07-18-2007, 09:13 PM

nope, not yet, i should see him in the next couple of days, then i will see him again in 10 days for a family party. Im so nervous about telling him :(
It was my Birthday yesterday and he txt me saying, "happy birthday georgeous xxxxxxx"

Riggs

07-18-2007, 09:16 PM

Good luck !

aussiecoffee007

07-18-2007, 10:01 PM

are you going to tell him in the few days, the family party, or just whenever it comes out?
and yes, best of luck :)

Penguin_Woman

07-18-2007, 10:09 PM

~Teej~

07-19-2007, 10:15 AM

Well, that message seems encouraging. :)

Indeed..I don't think anyone has ever sent me that many kisses before..

And Happy Birthday :D

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 12:01 PM

lol, i was thinking about telling him at the family party, that means i have more time to think about what too say, hopefully his girlfriend won't be there. If she is im taking it as a sign i should just move on.
I was shocked when i got the text but that proberly just him being nice.
thanks for all the "good lucks" im going to need them hehe:p
thanks again
laura x

Riggs

07-19-2007, 12:18 PM

Indeed..I don't think anyone has ever sent me that many kisses before..

And Happy Birthday :D Aw.. :hug:

Riggs

07-19-2007, 12:20 PM

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 12:33 PM

thanks:D i had a good one

Riggs

07-19-2007, 01:45 PM

You're welcome. :)

4evertommysgirl

07-19-2007, 04:59 PM

Loving someone is never wrong...
but it is wrong to commit yourself in a relationship if one of you has a commitment with somebody else.
You have to respect other,s relationship, its never wrong to love him as long as hes free.

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 07:39 PM

yeh i know, its unfair of me to do that whilst he is in a relationship, im not telling him in order for him to leave his girlfriend for me, Im telling him because i think he has a right to know...
Loving someone is never wrong you say. You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. and i don't want to end up regretting not telling him later on in life. I also think that it will help me get over him if he dosen't feel the same.
I hate the idea of hurting her, as much as i want to be with him, I would hate for me to be in a relationship with someone and have some girl try and take him away from me. But thats definetley not what im doing.
thanks for the comment
laura

Riggs

07-19-2007, 07:55 PM

Yeah, but what if you were her and some girl just had to tell him her feelings for him. Would you be ok with her telling him she has feelings for him?
How are you going to tell him? Like saying ..hey, cuz.. you georgeous hunk of a man you.. I have the hots 4U big time. ;) ..then lay some XXXXX on him. His face will be like.. :eek: lol I'm not trying to stop you, just giving you something to think about first, that's all.

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 08:29 PM

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 08:36 PM

ps) if i was to say anything, i wouldn't put my feelings out there to strongly there is too much risk of getting hurt.
I will say something like ," I have feelings for you , and i have had them for a very long time. i felt it would be unfair on you and myself to hide them any longer. I will understand if you don't want to speak to me again, i just thought you had a right to know."

4evertommysgirl

07-19-2007, 09:13 PM

Theres really nothing wrong to pour your feelings out towards the person. BUT just like I said, you cant date a guy whos dating two woman at the same time....
If he ends up breaking up with his girlfriend, you dont have to feel bad about it. If you love each other, you deserve to be happy,

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 09:39 PM

oh right, no i would never expect him to break up with his girlfriend or anything, if he wants to be with me then great but i would never go out with him whilst he was syill with her.

Riggs

07-19-2007, 10:00 PM

Lol no chance of me saying anything like that riggs.
I will prob chicken out in the end, knowing me.
If i was in her shoes, no of course i wouldn't be happy but i wouldnt have a right to tell him who he can be with.
Would u guys rather no know that someone has feelings for you, especially if they were your cousin?

I can't control how they feel about me, but I don't think I could act on it.
Come to think about it, when I was growing up, I did have one cuz grab me, pull me to her and kiss me. :eek: She was drunk though, so I thought nothing of it.

laura_lee88

07-19-2007, 10:05 PM

lol i bet u were scared riggs :P
I won't be doing any kissing, i will simply let him know that i think of him other than a cousin and he can take it from there. its up to him how far it goes :D
If he dosen't want to be with me then ok, fair enough and good luck to him. But if he does the great...all we would have to do then is find a way to tell our family.

aussiecoffee007

07-20-2007, 05:36 AM

dont chicken out! have faith and confidence. and youre right, he deserves to know. and you deserve to find happiness :)

4evertommysgirl

07-20-2007, 05:40 AM

laura_lee88

07-20-2007, 01:35 PM

dont chicken out! have faith and confidence. and youre right, he deserves to know. and you deserve to find happiness :)

Thanks aussiecoffie007, i eally appreciate that, i was considering not going through with it. I hope i don't whimp out, its just that...he isn't just some guy that if a get rejected i can just walk away from, its so complicated :( Hopefully he will have the same feelings. i think he has.
x

laura_lee88

07-20-2007, 01:50 PM

yes, you have no right to tell him to break up with his girlfriend,,,but if ever he really does break up with her even without telling him to do so, and he'll come to you,,, let him wait for couple months then you can date him so it doesnt sound like you are the reason of there breaking up- if you care about your cousin-
but you know if it happens to me...I would move on, forget about him and find somebody else whos free, if the time comes when hes free again and you still find yourself inlove with him that would be a prefect time for both of you but I doubt by the time hes free you have probably moved on and find yourself not in love with him anymore.

Easier said than done lol. it would be very difficult for me to get over him, god only knows ive tried and failed.
If i do tell him, it would be up too him of what he wants to do. But i think that if we were to get into a relationship we would most proberly keep it a secret at first. Safer choice.
As for me moving on and maybe finding someone else, thats just impossible, ive loved him for a very long time so i can't see myself with anyone else. any man i may end up with will always be second best because i love him and always will be.
Keeping a secret like this for so long...without telling someone can sometimes end up taking over your life. which is why i need to tell him. Not to break up him and his girlfriend or be selfish im doing it for my own sanity lol :p
Broken hearts are often caused by unspoken words.
thanks again x

4evertommysgirl

07-20-2007, 05:24 PM

Easier said than done lol. it would be very difficult for me to get over him, god only knows ive tried and failed.
If i do tell him, it would be up too him of what he wants to do. But i think that if we were to get into a relationship we would most proberly keep it a secret at first. Safer choice.
As for me moving on and maybe finding someone else, thats just impossible, ive loved him for a very long time so i can't see myself with anyone else. any man i may end up with will always be second best because i love him and always will be.
Keeping a secret like this for so long...without telling someone can sometimes end up taking over your life. which is why i need to tell him. Not to break up him and his girlfriend or be selfish im doing it for my own sanity lol :p
Broken hearts are often caused by unspoken words.
thanks again x

WOW that love must be deeper than an ocean! LOL
Have you really tried your best to move on and forget about him? its not necessary to find somebody to replace him rightaway but just at least to forget about this guy who is commmitted to your cousin.
Or thats why you cant move on because just like you said you never see yourself with somebody else, you focused so much on this guy that you cant see another beautiful things.
Its really up to you girl, you have so many options, I didnt say telling him your feeling is wrong, that was my first answer but you have to risk your heart for that because you expect him to tell the you the same thing? I think thats impossible, hes with your cousin.

laura_lee88

07-20-2007, 06:02 PM

no...he is my cousin
Im not inlove with my cousins boyfriend. it is my actual cousin

laura_lee88

07-20-2007, 06:04 PM

yeh its really deep, ive had these feelings for my MALE COUSIN. lol for a very long time.
lol i bet this will be a shock for you 4evertommysgirl...someone inlove with their cousin.

4evertommysgirl

07-20-2007, 06:08 PM

yeh its really deep, ive had these feelings for my MALE COUSIN. lol for a very long time.
lol i bet this will be a shock for you 4evertommysgirl...someone inlove with their cousin.

wow...my bad.
never such a good idea to have romantic relationship with a relative! a big no!no!
I dont know how would he react if he finds out you have intimate feelings for him.

laura_lee88

07-20-2007, 07:21 PM

Loving someone is never wrong...

Is their exceptions then?
He is my cousin, but its not illegal or anything, well where i'm from it isn't.

4evertommysgirl

07-20-2007, 07:26 PM

Is their exceptions then?
He is my cousin, but its not illegal or anything, well where i'm from it isn't.

YES, loving someone is never wrong, what im trying to say is having romantic relationship with your cousin is not right. Its not wrong to love him but when you go date together? I dont think it sounds good! thats my opinion but you are still the one who decides for yourself and whatever it is I hope youll be happy. Loving a cousin is not illegal I know that but it doesnt sound right dating your relative.

Penguin_Woman

07-21-2007, 01:39 AM

YES, loving someone is never wrong, what im trying to say is having romantic relationship with your cousin is not right. Its not wrong to love him but when you go date together? I dont think it sounds good! thats my opinion but you are still the one who decides for yourself and whatever it is I hope youll be happy. Loving a cousin is not illegal I know that but it doesnt sound right dating your relative.
Despite whatever our opinions are on what people on here are doing. It's not for us to judge. :)

4evertommysgirl

07-21-2007, 05:04 AM

Despite whatever our opinions are on what people on here are doing. It's not for us to judge. :)

I know that...
Im not judging...
peace.

laura_lee88

07-21-2007, 03:36 PM

thanks for not judgin me :P
Before i realised my feelings for him i would have thought it was disgusting. If anyone was to ask me if i would ever go out with one of his brothers, my first reaction would be " ewww no, there my cousins." but with him, its different i dnt really see him as a cousin. Haha that proberly sound really stupid :P
I don't mind if people say things like, its wrong or "eww thats disgusting," at first it did but now i don't care because i can't turn my feelings off and at the end of the day eeryone is entitled to their own opinions:)
x

laura_lee88

07-27-2007, 10:44 PM

so i see him on on sunday possible tomorrow night, anyone got any tip on breaking news like this :P

**Sapphire**

07-27-2007, 11:43 PM

Sorry I really don't have any tips on how to tell him other than to just straight up tell him how you feel about him.

Good luck & please do come back & tell us how you are doing.

aussiecoffee007

07-28-2007, 03:48 AM

yeah im with sapphire, the only way to do it i think is just pull him aside and tell him how you feel, straight up, dont hint or anything cuz it might just leave him more confused than before :) tell us how it goes though...

laura_lee88

08-01-2007, 10:27 AM

on saturday night i arrived home after work and found my notebook on my bed with a pen beside it, i was terrified because if you skipped a couple of pages i had scibbled i love*****, it turned out that my brother had needed paper to write down a number but i was scared incase he had found out. He never mentioned anything so i went to the party. Am my cousin was there, the first thing he did was run up and cuddle me, then compliment me on how i looked, even tho i had just finnished a 14hour shift.
The night was going well, and we were laughing and talking and then he went to the toilet but never came back for ages, as i waited in the que for the toilet, the door opened and it was my brother with him! i have never been so scared in all my life, i had to find out if he told him. So i followed him outside and asked him what they were talking about, he said nothing, and stupid me replied, "oh thank god i thot it was about me" big mistake because then he wanted to know what i thought they were talking about, and kept asking me the whole night, and as i went to tell him, his gf appeared and started arguing with him for no reason:(
The whole night he sat flirting with me and we were talking about music and how me and him liked the same artist that no one else did and he asked me to go to the next concert, and totally forgot about his girlfriend. My brother even came out with the comment, "are you 2 kissing cousins" as a joke, we both just smiled.
I'm not going to tell him, he's with someone else and i have no right to.
thanks for all the encouragment and advice.
laura x

~Teej~

08-01-2007, 11:37 AM

Aww laura.

I think you are a very nice girl indeed..You are thinking with your head rather than you heart..You are not being selfish in anyway..You want him so bad but you don't want to break up the relationship he is already in.

I honestly believe he would want to be with you...But you realise that it doesn't mean that you should break up the relationship.

You are a very strong person indeed....Feel free to come back and let feelings out if need be whenever you wish.

Good luck hun x

**Sapphire**

08-01-2007, 03:58 PM

I agree with meerkat, you acted unselfishly by not telling him. Sorry that you had the scare.

aussiecoffee007

08-01-2007, 10:57 PM

yeah, i dont think you should break them up by telling him... but if they break up, i think that you should tell him to see where it can go :)

daisychip

08-02-2007, 05:22 AM

this is the first I've ever seen of your dilemma as I haven't been here long but I think I have a thought just to consider..............it sounds obvious that he is at least sexually attracted to you, have you ever gotten from him in any way that it was any more than that? or that he could be able to live with the possible stigma attached to such a reunion? If so laura_lee..........i would hope that you would 'bite the bullet' and take the chance BEFORE the relationship between him and this girl GETS too serious. Now is the time if ever there would be a good one to, really, save this girl from being in a non fully committed arrangement-possible marriage. That may sound ridiculous but I would want my bf to dump me if he had true feelings for s/o else and do it before I was thinking about wanting him to marry me. Maybe both of you are just too uncertain of the others feelings on dating within the family and are going to go on to live life w/o their true love. Thats just a thought. I hope you will seek the guidance of that which is greater than you and find YOUR answer.

laura_lee88

08-02-2007, 02:53 PM

thanks again for the comments.
As for bitting the bullet and telling him, i don't think its a good idea at all, mainly because this girl deseves a chance with him, he's a great guy and it would be selfish of me to interfere just because i have feelings for him, even though they are very strong. if their relationship gets serious, good luck to them, of course i will be jealous and i know for a fact that i will regret it later on in life, but at the end of the day there are other peoples feelings that need to be considered not just mines.
As for the sexual attraction thing, there are so many things that have happened between us, that leads me to think that he would like a relationship with me, and he said he would go out with his cousin, which was a weird subject to bring up out of the blue.
laura x

**Sapphire**

08-02-2007, 03:00 PM

Good for you laura, I believe you are doing the right thing. Sure it may suck later on if they get serious, but at least you are giving them that chance to be together & see what "can be" between them. Good for you! :)

daisychip

08-02-2007, 09:28 PM

i completely respect your decision and do applaud you for the strength it is certainly taking you to disregard your own feelings and possibly a future made of dreams!! you are truly a beautiful person and your cousins gf will never even realise how lucky she is to even be in your presence. maybe some distance from your cousin and even the subject here in the forum is a good idea to try to let the feelings diminish a little. Wishing you laura_lee, very bright days and sleep filled nights.

laura_lee88

08-03-2007, 11:43 AM

thanks you guys :)
As for distancing myself from my cousin, thats quite impossible,firstly: my mum and his mum are like best friends and there always talking about their kids and then go and tell everyone the news, and theres always something about him, sometimes even about his girlfriend. If i asked my mum not to tell me these things she will wonder why. secondly: i see him quite regularly and if he came to visit or anything it would just be very rude to ignore him. And lastly: i love him and love being in his company even if it does hurt afterwards, its worth it lol:P
i understand where your comming from tho, i've tried to give myself the same advice so has my friend but its complicated. as for getting him out of my head thats just....so difficult.
But i respect his girlfriend, no matter if i am slightly jealous, hope she makes him happy, thats all i really want.
thanks :) x

laura_lee88

08-28-2007, 10:53 PM

On saturday i had a wedding to go to, and as the invitation said, laura and partner i decided to take one of my male friends, weve been good friends for years and i needed someone to talk to, so i didn't have to be around my cousin all the time. im finding it hard to get over him as it is, without having to be with him for hours.
When we walked in, my cousin was there waiting with his girlfriend and when he seen me with a man, he assumed that we were a couple and he was acting strange with me, normally when were together were always joking and really chatty, but he seemed withdrawn.
This went on for a couple of hours until my mum mentioned that the person i was with was a friend. Then he was his usual self. What does that mean?
thanks
x

**Sapphire**

08-29-2007, 01:07 AM

It could mean he may have been jealous. OR It could mean he was surprised because he may have not known you had a boyfriend. I don't know, I really can't say either way, it's 1 of those situations where 1 would have had to see his expressions to help you determine more what was up with him.

He's still with his girlfriend, right? Has he ever shown any kind of interest in you, something more that you could go on along with how he was acting?

~Teej~

08-29-2007, 10:21 AM

It sounds liike he is into you if you ask me..But you will never know unless you try asking.
You are in a difficult situation and I can only feel how sad you are feeling over all this.

laura_lee88

08-29-2007, 01:00 PM

My friend who was with me knows my secret and his first comment was,"wow, hes jealous" a was in denial and hated him for sayin that because that was me back to square one - thinking he likes me and making me feel worse.
Yeh he is still with his girlfriend, he could have been surprised but why would that change his behaviour toward me? aww men are confusing :P
There has been many times that i've had the feeling that he likes me more than just a cousin, I wonder what he would be like if i did take an actual boyfriend with me.
I feel like crap, anyone got any tips on how to get him out of my head and move on? i hate how i love him so much.
thanks again :P
x

**Sapphire**

08-29-2007, 01:06 PM

The best that you can do to get him out of your head is to maybe put a bit more space between you 2. Don't contact him as much if you 2 do talk alot. I know you can't not go to family functions, but maybe if you have to go to 1, try not to seek him out.

Spend time with your friends, do something that you like doing or have wanted to do, but haven't as yet. Keeping busy helps when you are trying to get over someone.

Best of luck to you! :)

daisychip

08-29-2007, 09:06 PM

Since I know your stand on not divulging your feelings because of the other gal in his life, my only other suggestion to you is something I also don't think you are capable of doing. Even if it is just for the benefit of yourself but I'll say it anyway, just for you to consider.

It is hard enough to get over s/o that has done you wrong. You are trying to get past s/o that has never been. The only thing I can think of is to try to 'get mad' about the whole thing. Different aspects like; when he acted differently and the 'almost' conversation about getting together with a relative and the fact that he got a gf when you felt he was giving you indication of attraction. Get mad about why all these things happened, maybe even try to blame him a bit and resolve yourself to the fact that even if he does break up with the girl, you still wouldn't be able to say anything, so why keep the dream and move on. I think I would throw in there too that he seems to be upset about you gettin' a bf but when he finds out diff. he's ok..............I would try to see that as he never expects you to be taken so why would he have to make any sacrifices. Do you understand what I'm saying? I've never had this prob so I'm just throwing something out there. I don't believe you would ever be able to do this...........unlike me, I'm sure I could..............but maybe trying just a little might help. Idk.

I do know how it feels to want what you can't have but my situation is a bit different and I don't think I'm quite as sweet as you so like I said it's just a thought.

I hope you find something to help your heart soon!!

stoner

08-30-2007, 12:31 PM

I may be late getting into this thread, but here's my .02 cents about the situation...

Not that I fell for any of my cousins during my lifetime, but even if I did, I would personally feel very awkward about it. When I was younger I had asked that question myself, with regards to getting into an intimate relationship with relatives, and the answers that I got was that it was o.k., for as long as it is not a close one. As per my family, they claimed that relationships are acceptable for third cousins and beyond that. Firsts are a big "no no" and seconds are questionable, which tend to still steer on the "no" side of things.

From a personal (and selfish) side of things, I would follow my heart with regards to going after the person that I love. However, if my actions would be the cause of my family to break apart, I would really have to think twice. Lovers come and go, and friends are for keeps, but family is the best company of all relationships. It may be different for others, but in my experience, at least, I'd been in trouble in the past and the very first people that came to my aid at the time of need were my family members ... long before my friends came for much needed company. Basically, the problem of one is the problem of everyone, when it comes to family.

Good luck and my apologies that I couldn't be of much help with your situation.

laura_lee88

08-30-2007, 12:47 PM

I totally understand where your comming from stoner, i've had that going through my head for years.
Me and my cousin are close but in a different way, i know quite alot of people think its disgusting, before i realised i loved him, i also thought it was wrong.
At first it was just a stupid crush, that i would get over but it didn't happen then unfortunatley i fell inlove with him, i hate myself for it, because im just setting myself up to fall.
I would always put my family first, its just in my nature to put everyone before myself, but honestly if i ended up with him, i think my family would be ok with it.
I've tried to get mad at him, but at the end of the day i should only be angry with myself for allowing myself to get into these situations.
The thing thats bothering me is...what if one day i end up in a relationship, i don't want that to come between me and my cousin, whn i walked in and he seen me with my friend, he looked somewhat upset, and hardly spoke to me, then when my mum stated that we were friends he came over and was laughing and joking again.
thanks for the comments :P
x

stoner

08-30-2007, 01:03 PM

whn i walked in and he seen me with my friend, he looked somewhat upset, and hardly spoke to me, then when my mum stated that we were friends he came over and was laughing and joking again.
x

I sense some jealousy from his part ... :D

I get the feeling that our mom seems to be aware of your situation, and is beginning to be more accommodating of it? Otherwise, she wouldn't take the initiative to approach him and tell him that. Ever tried talking to your mom and finding out her take on such issues?

laura_lee88

08-30-2007, 02:24 PM

she might have an suspicion about my feelings for him, but i dunno if i can tell her, i am of course scared of her reation...of anyones reaction. When i brought up the subject of cousin relationships before (of course i never said i had feelings for any of my cousins lol) with my parents my dad was um...quite abrupt about it n said somethin about incest, but then my mum said that it wasn't incest and that its alot more common than people think, And it wouldn't matter as long as i was happy. my dad's brother married his cousin which he didnt have a problem with but i don't know if it will be a different story if it was his daughter.
I know i need to move on and get a grip of myself but...how can i have a realtionship with anyone else when there always going to be second best? and will my cousins attitude change towards me pernamently if i get with someone else, i don't know if im willing to risk it.

stoner

08-30-2007, 04:02 PM

Settling for second best is not going to be very good, especially when you still have baggage to deal with the first best. It wouldn't be fair to the other person either, especially when he finds out that he's trailing behind the first.

Anyway, while I understand that you're not willing to risk it, I'll still consider trying to have a woman-to-woman talk with the mom about the situation (one of these days). Try not to make it into a mother/daughter thing, but as two friends talking to each other and see her take on it. Perhaps, when your mom thinks that it is not the right thing to do, she may as well be one of the many support systems, that you will need to help you get over the situation. Come to think of it, she may even be instrumental in helping you contend with the nature of your current circumstances?

As far as your dad is concerned, well, that's a different story altogether. :p

laura_lee88

09-06-2007, 06:14 PM

ok...last night me and my mum were watching television and i thought to my self, its now or never, i sat there for an hour trying to find the right words to tell her, when i had them, up came the word vomit and i shouted out, "im inlove with *****" after all the carefully picked words that was what i came out with i felt like such an isiot. I intened to say something like, "mum, this is going to sounds really strange and maybe you won't like it but i have to tell someone before it eats away at me, i have feelings for someone which are inappropriate"
She was totally shocked and when i seen her face i wished i had not said anything.
She said, "i had no idea, i thought it was the other way around", i must have hid it well, she never had a clue, she told me how she always had a suspicion that he had feelings for me, especially during the wedding when she sensed jealousy that i brought a male partner.
My mum never gave me any clear advice except asked if it really was love? when i assured her that i was truly inlove with him, she said, "im sorry...but he has a girlfriend and until there comes a time for him to tell you his feelings, im afraid you have to move on"
I just felt like crying, the relisation of it all flooded me, i know i've said it a million times in my head that i have to get over him, theres nothing like a mothers truth.
so...her i am still upset but i'm going to take one day at a time, until the day come, [if] they day comes for him to tell me he feels the same.

what happened to the whole - if you love someone tell them, you never know if tomorrow will come? is that all just a load of rubbish?
thanks for all your help you guys, i really appreciate it, i know my story isn't the ideal love story for people to read as its a bit, "weird" but thanks anyways :)
laura x

stoner

09-07-2007, 02:23 AM

She said, "i had no idea, i thought it was the other way around", i must have hid it well, she never had a clue, she told me how she always had a suspicion that he had feelings for me, especially during the wedding when she sensed jealousy that i brought a male partner.
My mum never gave me any clear advice except asked if it really was love? when i assured her that i was truly inlove with him, she said, "im sorry...but he has a girlfriend and until there comes a time for him to tell you his feelings, im afraid you have to move on"

Please don't take it too hard on yourself. Look on the bright side. At this point, at least, your mom already know what's going on about you, and your feelings about your cousin. Considering that he has a girlfriend, I'm afraid that your mom is right to advise you to move on. However, if it were the other way around, I bet she will be on your side no matter what. In fact, she is already on your side ... unfortunately it's not in the circumstances that you wish it would be.

Just hang in there ... you now have your mom to be by your side when thoughts about him comes into light ... and you have us here in cyberspace should you need to chat.

TreeofSephri

09-07-2007, 03:52 AM

Why in the world are we talking about this. No offense but this is just horribly wrong and unnatural. Since when has incestous behavior ever been acceptable. No hard feelings of course.

daisychip

09-07-2007, 04:14 AM

I'm glad you revealed to your mom. I'm also glad that mom didn't say something that would've been worse than what she did. I'm sorry there is a gf..............really sorry now cuz I was worried about what the family might say in the face of you two actually gettin together, but mom has made it clear and I'm sooo happy for that.

Of course I don't agree with not revealing your feelings but I respect your choice, just wish it was a diff. one.....lol. I hate thnkin your lettin true love slip to s/o that isn't the right one for him but what can I do. I'm just happy that if the chance does come for you that there's one less thing to worry about for you to talk with him.

Hang in there...........she prolly isn't the one for him and your time will come.

**Sapphire**

09-07-2007, 01:05 PM

I'm glad that you told your mom as well. She did give you sound advice in that since he has a girlfriend you really can't do much of anything in the way of being with him. Please don't be a stranger & come bakc to chat with us! :)

TreeofSephri...we are not here to judge who anyone falls in love with in their life. We are simply here to give the best advice that we can & hope that we help those in need.

laura_lee88

09-07-2007, 08:10 PM

@ treeofsephri - incestous behaviour is a romantic realtionship between 2 siblings or an uncle or grandparaent, thats just worng.
Many people marry and have healthy children with there cousins, but i suppose you just on eof the many ignorant, jugemental people i will come across, maybe its is where your from that its unnatural, but in the uk it is perfectly normal.
btw this is a relationship forum where you come to offer advice or recieve it, its just downright horrible topass judgement when someone is in a difficult position or is having a bad time, maybe your in the wrong place.

As for everyone else, im just glad that my mother seen it to and it wasn't just all in my head that he has feelings for me, all i need to do now is wait n see how he and his girlfriend pan out, i do wish them all the luck in the world though, even though its difficult seeing them together.

Its good having my mum to talk to about this, i dont feel as bad, but sometimes even when were just sitting there i get slightly embarrassed, we went out today and discussed what could happen in the future and how everyone would react if anything were to become of us, she believes that everyone will be encouraging and supportive but overall shocked.

Daisychip - lol i would love just to go up to him and tell him straight off that i have feelings for him, but i will always feel nad for his gf if he left her, its just in my nature to put every one before myself. i am also so happy that at least now when we all have to meet up again and i have to see him with her atleast i will have my mum there to help me get through it :)

~Teej~

09-07-2007, 10:57 PM

Why in the world are we talking about this. No offense but this is just horribly wrong and unnatural. Since when has incestous behavior ever been acceptable. No hard feelings of course.

This is totally out of line and If Sapphire had not have already commented on this then I would have deleted the post.

Don't judge people, just support or don't comment.

I still think you should tell him how you feel hun..It's never going to go away until you speak to him about how you are feeling..If he rejects you then you can move on and will have at least known you have tried..He's probably just as scated and confused as you are..Be the strong one and let him know

aussiecoffee007

09-08-2007, 08:39 PM

i agree, just tell him and if its yes, thats an even better situation than now and if its no-- at least you told him, can get it off your chest, and can move on. if youre stuck in this limbo phase youll be just anxious for the rest of your life :(

laura_lee88

09-10-2007, 11:42 PM

i know there will always be a "what if" when it comes to me and him.
I am only 19, maybe i should just get on and meet new people, even though that would just be...impossible and if i still feel the same a few years down the line, then i should tell him?
But then theres the what if... what if were seperated like...no tomorrow i hate to say it but...Death or marriage or...travelling and i never get the chance to tell him, hopefully we have many years in each others lives.
I know in my heart of hearts that he is the one for me as cheesy as that sounds and i know that deeo down he and his girlfriend are incompatible. He is such a decent guy, enjoys the same music, films, tv programs, has the same passions as me - animals, family, drawing. where as his girlfriend is so different - she has quite a possessive personality and moans at him for the slightest thing, don't get me wrong she can be funny and talks away to me nicely, so im not making her out to be a horrible person or anything. then again he will obviously see her in a different light from me. opposites attract i suppose.

**Sapphire**

09-11-2007, 12:30 AM

Your in a tough situation Laura Lee. I guess I will tell you the same thing I've told other people in your similar situation. If you love him, let him know, you will never know how he may feel if you don't.

If you want to wait to see if things don't pan out with him & his current girlfriend, then that just might be a better idea. If what you say does come true that they aren't compatible, then their differences will eventually get the best of them & their relationship. Maybe if/when they break up you could tell him how you feel then.

daisychip

09-11-2007, 02:37 AM

you know, you make a good point laura lee........opposites do attract and sometimes they will stay together for unknown reasons for waaaay to long...

and if your guy is the decent guy he may get 'stuck' in that........

sure she may be a good gal but if they don't carry that much in common, she just not the right good gal for him.............

do you really wanna take the chance of sitting around waiting for possibly years for the two of them to figure out what you already know?..........

am I trying to talk you into 'my' preferred choice in your situation?......yes....lol........

but you deserve the chance for happiness too and I see telling him as possibly saving him and her both from continuing on in the wrong relationship.........

but thats just me.............

as usual though I can't fault you cuz I 'wish' I knew more females that 'had a heart' like yours.

Feeling for you.

~Teej~

09-11-2007, 12:10 PM

I still believe you should tell him how you feel hun..at least then you will know how he feels and you will get closure on this whole situation and can start moving on..Wherever it's a good or a bad answer you will at least know and it's surely better then how you are feeling at the moment

Good luck hun x

stoner

09-11-2007, 01:55 PM

opposites attract i suppose.

My wife and me are living proof of that.

I may be the type who's outgoing and loves to socialize, while she's the quiet type who doesn't mingle much with others. There were numerous dates with friends and family that I either canceled or showed up solo, because she didn't know them, or sometimes she preferred to stay at home. There were also some gatherings with her friends where she refused to take me, for the reason that I personally do not know them.

We both have a fondness for music, but we still argue over what genre is suitable for listening. In classical music, for example, she prefers the masterpieces of the great masters (Bach, Mozart, Mendelssohn, Schubert, Tchaikovsky). I love those as well, but I also happened to love the contemporary stuff with the 12-tone style Schoenberg, Berg and Webern, the non-traditional methods of Shostakovich, the minimalist approaches of Philip Glass, Steve Reich and Terry Riley, etc. She was not happy with me when I took her to see the Kronos Quartet in concert, but she put up with me anyway. Likewise, I felt out of place either when she dragged me to see Josh Groban in concert (as I'm not a big fan of his) ... guess in the end, it evens itself out.

At least, we both agree on one genre: jazz :)

There are many others to mention, but for now, I'm losing my train of thought ... well, you get the picture anyway. :p

laura_lee88

09-11-2007, 08:11 PM

yeh stoner opposites do attract, ive found that out with many of my friends and their partners, but with my cousin and his girlfriend, shes more into pop bands and things like that, where me and him both like, rock,indie and country ( which she will point blank refuse to listen to), me and him have more in common and find many things to talk and laugh about.
He is very passionate about his music and is also very talented but when there both together i feel as though he is searching for some more interesting conversation, She won't go out to any concerts with him or do things that he likes and i feel that in any relationshiop you have to give a little back, even if it isnt your cup of tea:P

Lol you guys are getting me all brave now, in my head im sayin , "yeh i should tell him, who cares" i really really want to be with him and if im lucky my time will come.
Today after reading your comments, i was about to text him and ask him to meet up with me, but wasn't sure how i would have told him and i didnt want to ask him out if i was going to back out of telling him.
Good or Bad answer, anything is proberly better this feeling.

"if your guy is the decent guy he may get 'stuck' in that" - daisychip, he is the kind of guy that will stay with something/someone until things get very bad, he's too nice for his own good sometimes.

Thank you all for taking the time to give me advice:)
x

wiggles

10-06-2007, 12:05 AM

Hmmm, part of me thinks it's wrong he's your cousin, and if it gets out it could cause a rift of some kind in the family. Still, a bigger part of me thinks you need to speak to him about it for your own well being.

Obviously I don't know how he'll react, but your feelings for him hamstring any chance you have with any other guy. You'll only get over him if you find someone who means even more to you than him, but who knows when that guy will come around? Or get some kind of closure, if you find out how he feels about you, only then will you get this. If he doesn't feel the same about you then I'm sorry but at least you'll know and you can move on, however if he does feel the same, then great, too few people in this life get the chance to be really happy, to find someone they really love.

So, I say tell him, no matter what his reaction is, in the long run, you'll come out the other side better for it.:)

laura_lee88

10-07-2007, 01:49 AM

hey wiggles thanks for ur advice, i know i should tell him but that is so difficult theres always the chance that it will muck up our relationship as it is, and i know i don't want anyone else, i never give anyone else the chance really, which is wrong of me but i you can help who u fall inlove with, yeh anno, kissing cousins yuck :P, a cant help it though.
i am trying to move on with my life though, i have to see him regularly, i just take each day as it comes and hopefully i will recover :P
i know im not doing myself any favours by keeping this big secret, the idea that if he wanted me he would tell me so is still large in my mind, making it all the more difficult since he hasn't said anything.
ive been close many times to texting or phoning him asking if he wants to hang out and then slip my feelings in somewhere, however im a big chicken.
thanks again :)

laura_lee88

10-11-2007, 01:55 PM

after having such a terrible week, my cousin phoned me last night and arranged to take me out for lunch to talk about things...things meaning just life in general.
so i meet him on friday, if i feel that he is giving me any signs of interest then, i will tell him :P
just thought i'd give a little update since you have all helped me out so much.
x

**Sapphire**

10-11-2007, 02:30 PM

Very good Laura!

Good luck & for sure come on back & let us know how things went on Friday. I'll be thinking of you & hoping for the best! :)

daisychip

10-11-2007, 04:43 PM

I'm not sure who you meant was having a bad week but I'm glad to know the one you care the most about is either there for you or is coming to you for support.

I'm sure you 'know' what "I" will be hoping for..........lol.............but beyond that, I hope your time together will be special no matter what.

laura_lee88

10-11-2007, 07:35 PM

thanks you guys, ive got butterflyes just thinking about seein him :P
i think its time i bite the bullet and tell him:D
good or bad it will make my life a whole lot easier, im just hoping his answer will be the one i want.
it was me that was having a bad week, everythin was just putting me down and my mum was saying to my aunt and she must have been talking about it to her kids and the next day he phoned me :D i was just happy to hear his voice:P
x

~Teej~

10-13-2007, 01:28 AM

Good luck Laura Lee....I know how hard this is for you...But trust me knowing is so much better then endless wondering...I hope you get good news...I will think of you :)

daisychip

10-13-2007, 01:55 AM

I'm so excited to know how today went!!...........hope you are well.

laura_lee88

10-13-2007, 12:15 PM

Well he knows…

The whole morning, I was so nervous and kept thinking, I’ve got to tell him today or I’ll lose out forever.
“Oh God, what if he’s disgusted and hates me?”
I re read all the posts and even the letter I wrote to him, that was put away for good when I tried to move on and forget about him, hoping it would settle my nerves.
He picked me up and complimented me on how I was looking, then we went for lunch, lol we must have sat at that table talking for hours about everything, I thanked him for taking me out since the past week had been so draining.
It felt so good to be in his company, he made me forget all my troubles, except one…him. He always knows how to cheer me up.
I asked him how he and his g/f were getting on, and he told me that they just don’t seem to be working as they both want and like different things.
He told me how she was annoyed that he was spending the day with me instead of her as she phoned him at the last minute and expected him to cancel our lunch. I felt so bad but he assured me that he would rather be here with me.
Once we had finished lunch we went for a drive and ended back at my house, so he came in and we hanged out just listening to music and joking.
When it was time for him to go home I walked him to his car . I felt like kicking myself, I just couldn’t tell him, after the day we had I thought, “if I tell him, I will never have this again”
I gave him a kiss on the cheek and a cuddle goodbye, he whispered, “I love you,” and I pulled away and said, “love you 2, txt me when u get home,” thinking he was just meaning it in a family way.
I went to walk and he stopped me and said, “Laura, you don’t understand” and he kissed me, just a small kiss on the lips and said, “im in love with you”
Omg my stomach somersaulted I was so shocked, and didn’t know what to say.
He took it the wrong way and started apologising, he told me he has had feelings for me since we were kids but had to put them aside when we he turned 16 cause I was only about 13 and it was ”wrong”
I told him that ive loved him for years and was planning on telling him, but was too scared incase he didn’t want to see me again. we both agreed that we couldn’t be together right now, as there was just so much against us, but he was going to finish with his girlfriend because it wasn’t fair on her.
At least he knows how I feel about him.
So you guys thanks for everything, you have helped me so much.
x

Penguin_Woman

10-13-2007, 01:01 PM

That's great, Laura! At least he knows now and you know how he feels. :) Happy it went so well. :D

daisychip

10-13-2007, 04:55 PM

YEEEE......YEEEEEE.........YEEEEE!!!!!! :D :D :D He knows and so do YOU!! What you had felt before about him possibly loving you has been validated AND your feelings have been reciprocated.............I am sooooo happy about this!!

Whatever the things that stand in your way right now I'm sure will become smaller obstacles in time and the both of you will feel less awkward about it and soon will be sharing in BLISS!!! :knuddel: ............thats RIGHT!!...........lol

Well I don't know about you lauralee but I am just beside myself!! I'm so happy for you that you don't even need to be......lol. This IS a good thing!!........and there is absolutely nothing that should give you cause for ANY bad feelings.....OK?...? Did you get any sleep last night?....hehe........

HAPPY,HAPPY,HAPPY...............made my day!!!!

laura_lee88

10-13-2007, 05:48 PM

omg daisychip your about as excited as i am, i love it:P
No i never got any sleep at all, i just kept going over the day in my mind, he's been texting me all day today telling me how amazing it feels for him to know that im inlove with him, and that hopefully we can be together, we just have to take things slow, and try and overcome all the obstacles, but i don't care as long as i have him and i know he loves me.
I never thought i could feel this way, he is the first person i have ever truly loved and now i know he loves me 2, i don't think i could feel any better.
i feel like crying because im so happy that its finally out in the open:D
All we need to do is see how his girlfriend takes the break up and wait a while, then try and tackle our family.
x

~Teej~

10-13-2007, 06:23 PM

Well done hun....I am soooooo happy...It will well and he loves you to...yaaaaaaaaay yipeeeeee :D Make sure you stick around with us though, don't go disspearing now

daisychip

10-13-2007, 06:25 PM

I almost feel like crying too! Do you think your mom had any little birdies flying around??.....:D Moms are good like that and can help behind the scenes!! It doesn't matter how it happened though, just that it did because both of you have been living with this for a long time and NOW...............SCREEEECH........lol.

I do hope that the gf will accept the break-up for what it is. They just aren't the ones for each other and need to not waste time trying to make it work.

HAPPY,HAPPY,JOY,JOY,SKIP,HOP,BOUNCE,HUG A PILLOW,HUG MOM,WHISTLE,SCREECH,HOP,HAPPY,SKIP,BOUNCE,JOY..... .etc...etc.........

HEHE!!!!!

:dancing2: :bowl: :tongue2: :marchmellow: :trytofly: :ridinghorse:

laura_lee88

10-13-2007, 06:49 PM

nope definetly wont dissappear:P
omg ive never been so happy, i know i have a long way too go for us to be together but nothing can replace the feeling when he said, "im inlove with you"
I've watched him from a distance for so long and i have too keep pinching myself to make sure its real, i read over his txt messages to reasure myself.
As for my mum daisychip, she was almost as excited as you about it all, but it wouldn't surpise me if she had something to do with it. Sometimes you need that little push to do whats right or what you feel. When i told her what happened she hugged me and told me that no matter what happens she will always love me, because if me and him are to be a couple we will have to face people who wont agree with the fact that were cousins, but i shouldn't be ashamed, i should be proud of the fact that i found someone to love.
were meeting up on monday to talk about what were going to do and how were going to do it.
i do feel horrible that i did this while he was still with his girlfriend, and she is about too lose such an amazing man and dosent even know it yet.

for the first time, in a very long time i'm relaxed and looking forward tothe rest of my life.

daisychip

10-13-2007, 06:57 PM

for the first time, in a very long time i'm relaxed and looking forward tothe rest of my life.

This makes me MOST happy lauralee!! I'm so so so so very very excited for the both of you. :)

wiggles

10-13-2007, 08:06 PM

Well, I'm just going t say I 'm really happy for you Laura. You've both got what you want and the problems that are left in your must be smaller than the one you've both overcome, so well done.

All the best for the future for you both.

laura_lee88

10-13-2007, 08:29 PM

thanks alot you guys:D
i can't stop smiling. I just hope it won't be a long wait till we can be together.

**Sapphire**

10-13-2007, 10:20 PM

Aww Laura, I got this big ole smile on my face as I read your latest posts! I'm so happy for you that you got the chance to tell him how you feel & best of all, he feels the same way!

As wiggles said, the problems you 2 may face are nothing compared to the big hurdle you both jumped by finally telling each other how you feel!

Best of luck to you both!

(((HUGS)))

laura_lee88

10-13-2007, 11:08 PM

you guys have been so amazing, taking the time to give me advice and wish me luck, when i was having a bad time with him and his girlfriend, jealousy isn't a good thing.
he sacrifised alot to tell me his feelings and im glad he did, because i don't think im a strong person, that could have told him first.
i thank you 1000x for all the support because i know its not something many people accept, cousins being romantically involved, but ive never been happier.
Whats for you won't go by you, i just hope with all my heart that me and him can get through the times ahead, we have a large family, im sure many will support us but theres always the one that won't.
thanks:D
(((HUGS)))

lilcupid

10-14-2007, 12:43 PM

The ones that care about you 2 will support u 110%...ignore the ones that don't. It's good to see everything is starting to fall into place for you :D

laura_lee88

10-14-2007, 12:53 PM

yeh thanks, everything seems to be heading in the right direction for me right now, just hope it stays that way lol :P
i hope i have there support, just dreading telling them if we do decide to make a go of things

laura_lee88

10-16-2007, 04:51 PM

just a little update...

He has finished with his girlfriend and she didn't take it too well.
we had our first real kiss, because we didn't want to cheat on her, as wqell as our first argument lol, we have decided that we want to be together at all costs, but i want to keep it quiet for a while, where as he wants to tell everyone that were a couple and were not ashamed.
I don't want too lose him, but i've just got over one hurdle im not sure if im brave enough just yet to tell the family.
x

~Teej~

10-16-2007, 04:56 PM

He should understand that this is a big deal...As much as you love him you need time to get used to the idea before tackling the family problem..You understand that there is the chance that some people may not be as understanding as you would like them to be..

So you are right I think to take time just being together before blurting it out to the rest of the family. He should understand your feelings on this matter.

I am still so happy for you Laura Lee I just can't believe it :D

laura_lee88

10-16-2007, 05:58 PM

lol i can hardly believe it myself.he understands, he was just over excited and wanted everyone to know because he never thought in a million years we would end up being together and has, "waited years" for this., i know im definetly not ready for everyone to know, and he said he would wait forever so :D
i feel bad for sneaking around behind everyones backs, but im sure they'll understand.
im worried, because not all people will be as nice to me as you guys, there are so many judgmental people in the world and im scared incase it tears us apart, i very much doubt it, i love him too much to care to be honest, im just being a worry wart.

daisychip

10-16-2007, 08:26 PM

Your first 'real' kiss..........give me goose bumps......lol............I'm so happy for you both.

After the two of you share the news with your family lauralee, nobody else has to know that you're related. I'm sure people in your area will know this but screw 'em if they don't like it. As for anyone else........all they will see is a loving couple and there's no need to mention the fact. Why draw critcism when you don't have to? It prolly would put quite a strain. But don't worry bout all that, it's not important.

What you have gotten is important.........it's all that matters. :smlove2:

aussiecoffee007

10-16-2007, 10:29 PM

oh im so happy for you lauralee im happy it worked out for you! and im glad you waited til things ended with the girlfriend. people shouldnt care, and its none of their business anyway...

**Sapphire**

10-17-2007, 12:13 AM

Aww, I'm very happy for you Laura! :)

I'm in total agreement with Daisy & Aussie, nobody else outside of the family need to know anything specific about you 2. It's really nobodies business at all!

Relax & enjoy that after all this time you 2 are finally together! :)

aussiecoffee007

10-17-2007, 12:29 AM

and may i add that that is a pretty romantic story, him pulling you back to tell you and all :)

lilcupid

10-17-2007, 03:29 AM

Aww this is so sweet!! Have tears in my eyes!! Just take your time and do what feels comfy for you:D

wiggles

10-17-2007, 09:54 AM

This is a great story! Every time I read this thread now it makes me happy! This whole thing sounds like some blockbuster romantic movie (although probably wouldn't get past the BBFC because of the cousin issue), damn my romantic soul!! Plus it gives hope to the rest of us who are sailing through single life with no land on the horizon (or with storms on the horizon maybe). My metaphores are a little out of hand.

laura_lee88

10-17-2007, 07:44 PM

lol yeh when i think back to the day, (which is all the time) it does seem quite romantic, im not much of a romantic at heart but i can't help but burst out with a smile everytime i remember his words, only thing missing was the rain, in every movie they kiss in the rain:P lol kidding on.

As for telling everyone, were going to wait a month and just tell all the family at the next party, < this being his idea, he's so calm about the whole situation, he said it would be easier telling them all at once so that if anyone has any problems we can face them together.

Im nervous about everything right now (everything), i suppose thats normal?
right now, were just enjoying each others companys, were pretty much just the way we normally are except kissing and holding hands and all that stuff, you know what a mean.
My mum is over the moon for us, so is my friend, who has had to sit and listen to me moaning after him for years:P