How do I choose between 2 amazing guys?

[Kitten]

I've been dating Jon for about 1 year, off an on. Finally I decided that I did want to be with him (I had been seeing another guy as well) so I completely kicked the other guy out of my life (still have not talked to him in months) and Jon and I moved in together in April. It's just a 1 bedroom apartment.

Then I started talking to a guy from work, Nik. We began to hang out and just hit it off really well. He's very sweet, funny, honest, and the most open guy I've met. He tells me when things are wrong as well as when he's content and happy. I love that openness. Not to mention that he's the only guy that's ever made me feel sexy (others say it but I don't feel it, ya know? ;)).

So Jon and I decided to go on a bit of an open relationship and see other people (mainly so I could see where things go with Nik). Well, Nik just seems more and more amazing. Even now when his life is getting completely screwed up (roommate issues, work issues, me), he still makes sure that I know he cares about me. Well, tonight he said "I'm afraid to admit it but I love you."

That kinda threw me for a loop. Even Jon has never said that nor have I to either of these guys. I decided I didn't want to even think it after a bad relationship awhile back.

And if anyone thinks this matters... I am 19 years old. Jon is 24. Nik is 27. I have no problem with the age difference and neither do they. They both know each other as we used to all work together and they get along nicely when they are forced to face each other. Both are extremely nice and respect each other.

Basically, I feel content with Jon. I'm 100% sure we CAN work things out... It would take a little effort (as most things do, yes). I feel like things are getting a little dull though. Nik just makes me smile so much that my face hurts. I feel like I can be content with Jon or happy with Nik... but I don't want to leave Jon because he's a great guy. He treats me very well and like I said, it's contentment. But is that enough?

I'm just really confused... I know I'm young but I want more out of my life right now. Any comments or questions would be appreciated. I'll check back as often as I can. Thanks!

[eaglebaseball]

IMO, content is not enough. I would not get in a relationship if I was only content (part of the reason I've never had a relationship, is I can't find a girl that I truly enjoy being around more than anything, but thats beside the point). Would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and you were only content with them?

I don't know which one is better for you, but don't stay with someone just because you've been with them. If there is someone out there thats a better fit, then its time for a change.

What do I know though, I have almost 0 relationship experience, but thats just what I'd do if it were me.

[stupidm]

I'd like to agree with eagle that only content is not enough. however, before you make any decision, you have to think over such problems like, whether Nik's love to you is genuine or not; if you really get together with Nik, will it be as happy as you thought? or as you with Jon?
I don't know how long you have hang out with Nik, so if it is not very long, maybe you could give it more time to see whether he fits you. After all, you are so young~, plenty of time for you to make choices.:D

[tweety]

being content isnt enough, you have to be happy in a relationship.

Eagle, is it really fair to move on whenever you find a better person? What if at one points in time you are happy with a person, then you find someone else more excting and you feel happier with the new one and content with the old one...not that simple.... you cant be loyal with anyone then...

[eaglebaseball]

I'm not saying swap around all the time, but do you really want to end up marrying someone that you're merely "content" with, or to spend the rest of your life with someone you absolutely can't stand to be wihtout? Thats the decision you've got to make, is it worth risking one relationship for another. Not that I know from experience of course, its just my personal philosophy.

[Kitten]

I have only been dating Nik for a month and one of my fears is leaving Jon for Nik and then having that relationship just fizzle out. Jon really wants me to stop seeing Nik now but I told him it's not that easy because I do like the guy and have a lot of fun with him. Nik also actually has goals in his life, like where he wants to end up, have a family, all that. While Jon is just kinda getting by right now and not thinking like that. He is 24 and not making that much money (thus the 1 bedroom apt barely in budget), so I always wonder if we'll be stuck here forever... I don't want to end up supporting both of us (I'm in college now so even that will take a few years at the least).

I hate being young. Wish I could fast forward. Haha.

[Penguin_Woman]

Heh....never wish that, Kitten. Being older is stressful too. Well, I guess you really have to ask yourself what's important to you, what your goals are and where you see your future. Then ask yourself if/how these men fit into that. :)

[stupidm]

Being young has a big benefit that is you can following your feelings, 19 is not an age to consider too many serious problems. if you like Nik at the moment, just give it a try, i believe that if you really like Nik and you follow you bf Jon's opinion that you still stay with him and never see Nik again, you will not be happy, right? So maybe you can try, and after sometime, you may find the answer yourself.

[Riggs]

IMO, content is not enough. I would not get in a relationship if I was only content (part of the reason I've never had a relationship, is I can't find a girl that I truly enjoy being around more than anything, but thats beside the point). Would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and you were only content with them?

I don't know which one is better for you, but don't stay with someone just because you've been with them. If there is someone out there thats a better fit, then its time for a change.

What do I know though, I have almost 0 relationship experience, but thats just what I'd do if it were me.

Very well said. Don't worry about the lack of relationships, dude. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

[Kitten]

Well Jon decided to go for a break up so I'm currently back at my moms for awhile. I have no idea if we're going to get back together (he just need some time to think things over mostly) or what. Nik did invite me to live with him when he gets his new apt in August/September so I might just do that.

I just know that all I did was cry yesterday (the actual break up day) and then when I saw Nik, I pretty much forgot about it and just had a nice evening. :)

[Riggs]

Well Jon decided to go for a break up so I'm currently back at my moms for awhile. I have no idea if we're going to get back together (he just need some time to think things over mostly) or what. Nik did invite me to live with him when he gets his new apt in August/September so I might just do that.

I just know that all I did was cry yesterday (the actual break up day) and then when I saw Nik, I pretty much forgot about it and just had a nice evening. :)


You seem to like this guy, Nik.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah it sounds like nik sounds good, he makes you feel better and forget about your problems and thats always good :)

[4evertommysgirl]

Your situation reminds me of the song " torn bewtween two lovers". Well, If I were you, Ill follow whats in your heart, what makes you happy for sure youll have no regrets in the end. But sound like you are happy with this guy Nick, go for it.

[aussiecoffee007]

haha my dad always says something to make me realize who i really want--it might be from teh same song you mentioned?-- but whenever im confused about men he sings, "if you cant be with the one you love, love the one youre with' and that concept seems so funny when he sings it and all that i realize who i truly want to be with in the end.

[ftheunion]

Women are so picky these days. Go with the guy you like more, which seems to be nik. But love is a choice, not a feeling. It is a choice to truly be other centered, meaning they do it cause of YOU, and not how sexy they feel around you. They do it cause you are thier nurturer, and women make guys feel nice, but guys are biologically aggressors, so of course they all will come after you, and you get to choose your mate.

It's evolutionary type junk. Just do whatever. Inevitably some social parteners will be lost if you do change boyfriends.