hi, im new here and i need some advice.

[lalinda87]

Hello there!
Im gonna start writing this by saying that I don’t expect you guys to understand my feelings or the situation because quite honestly I don’t understand it myself. I think is crazy, never thought it was possible but, it is what it is and if I came here is because im confused and I need advice. So please be nice. ;)
I have a crush on someone I met online almost two years ago. When we both met, we were both in relationships and we were both going through a hard time so, we met at a perfect time. Right when we started talking we clicked right away, the attraction was mutual. There was always a lot of flirting and we were always laughing and having a good time. At first, I saw it as something to killed time when I was at home, spend my spare time having a good time chatting on the computer. As we started to get to know each other, we started talking about personal things and we started to help each other. we started to swap pictures (intimate pic’s) on my part, I have only done that with him, he says the same thing, whether is true or not. I don’t know.
We have had our arguments in the past, really nasty ones but, still…we remain “friends”. We both live in the same city, but we have never met. We haven’t even talked on the phone yet. During the time we met, he gave me his phone number because I told him about the problems I was having and he felt bad and told me that whenever I felt like talking, to not hesitate and call him. I have never done that. About 8 months after we met, I gave him my phone number, cause he was gonna send me a pic of his dog and that’s how he got my number.
During the time we have known each other, he has only called me 3 times, I have never picked up. Why? Im not really sure…nerves? Maybe, or maybe the fact that I feel like I like him more than I should. Am I in love? I don’t think so…do I want to meet him? I do, I honestly want to spend some time with him in person and try to have more than a friendship with him.
Now, we are both single, we keep in touch…we text frequently…he tells me about his life and when he dates or not…we pretty much have a lot of trust in each other . however, he has never asked me out, not even to hang out. Actually, I take that back, he did ask me to hang out once…2 months after he broke up with his girl, but I couldn’t because I was at work. That was also the same night he called, for the first time and I didn’t pick up. We have talked about hanging out and all that but for some reason we have never done that. About 3 months ago, I asked him “ how come we have never met” and he said “ because we are both busy, specially me” is true that he is a very busy person but I mean, an hour or two during the weekend is not gonna kill anyone right? So, at this point….idk if I should just forget about him and move on or if I should give it a shot and hint the fact that I want to get to know him in a diff way and just take it from there I guess.
Like I said before, im confused, never thought it was possible to like someone I met online, to the point where I want to meet him and see the possibility of a relationship between us. Any advice would be good. Thanks in advance 

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. :)

Why not talk to him about hanging out in real life? It doesn't have to be a date, it can be something like meeting up for coffee or lunch or something like that.

Let him know that you are interested in taking the friendship you have with him online, to meeting in real life. Maybe something more will happen when you 2 meet, maybe it won't.

You aren't going to know for sure though until you 2 meet in person.

[samram85m]

what i see is a guy how is enjoying you for you... meaning your personality. if you get along great and all you do is talk the what is left? the physical touch... the way his kiss feels, the way his eyes stare at you the way you feel when he holds you. all these things have not yet been explored but if you feels these things like comfort and trust then be his friend. he has tried to be with you and it seems you dont dirctly say no but its still there none the less. go enjoy physical friendship with him and see if its all u want from him or if you want more. trust me he will try again once you guys start hanging out... i say go kick it what could it harm, after all you are just friends... for now :)

[AsianBeauties]

Why are you really not answering his calls, ask youself what are you REALLY afraid of, and be honest. Perhaps write it down so you are not going round in circles in your head. Sounds like you built up a good friendship, why not just meet up as friends and have no other expectations other than to have a good time and get to know him better? If anything more happens, then great! If not, you have a new friend! :)

[lalinda87]

Hello everyone, its been a year since i posted this thread and...A lot has happened during this time.

My "friend" and I still keep in touch. Actually, we talk a little more than before. We have finally talked on the phone a couple times and he has asked me to hang out a few times too but, it never seems to work out for one reason or another. It seems like he is in a good place now, he even told me that himself. I am definitely not in a good place but, im working on getting my life back together.

Our friendship its so complicated, we have finally talked about how we feel about each other, i know he likes me and he knows i like him too. We have both agreed on being friends first. If we go out together,we want it to be as friends, neither of us wants to rush and sometimes having expectations make things even more difficult because we dont know whats going to happen.

I feel that we are both very insecure when it comes to seeing each other. I guess that maybe we like each other a lot! and in a way we both want to be perfect in front of the other?...the reason why i think that is because that's how i feel. I feel that his life is perfect and he is a great catch and he has a great personality, he is a good guy and some of the things he says,makes me feel that he feels the same way about me. However, i am far from perfect. Maybe the most imperfect person i know.

I do feel insecure when it comes to him because he is very good looking and has a great body (not the reason why i like him, but why im attracted to him) a career and so on. I, on the other hand, im an average girl. Yes i do get guys asking me out, i do have guys telling me im beautiful etc...but my face tends to break out a lot sometimes and that makes me feel a little insecure. I have an average body, i have a paying job that is not all that good and i am attending school but, its taking me a long time to finish.

Yes, maybe all of this seems stupid and dumb but, i can't help how i feel. In my experience, guys like him have never been interested in me and now i have this guy that seems to like me and to want to get to know me but, im scared that once we see each other in person he wont like me anymore. Maybe he wont be attracted to me or maybe he would think im too shy...idk. I wish i could get over this crazy feelings because i do like him and i know there is no way to find out unless we see each other.Sometimes, i do find myself trying to forget about him and just let it go but, i can't seem to do that. I like him too much and i feel like i at least need to give it a shot.

I feel like he is my prince charming,i know he is not perfect and that he probably has a lot of flaws, some of them i know but, still i feel he can be the right one for me. I need advice on how to get over this stupid feelings and crazy ideas i have and just relax and let it happen. Right now im going to school and im gonna have a break at the end of december. I feel like that would be the perfect time for me to meet with him because i wont be as busy and im probably going to be more relax since i wont be going to school. I dont want to make plans with him now because it seems so far away that i want to wait until im more close to be done with this semester. I just hope that he doesnt meet anyone else before we get to meet each other.

Thanks you so much for reading this, i know it's long, sorry... but i appreciate you making the time to read it

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome back hun! :)

Well, the only way you will know if you 2 are compatible etc., is if you 2 meet in person & hang out. It sounds to me like he is interested in you & would like to take things more.

He's seen pictures of you, you 2 have been talking for a long time, so I say go for it hun. You will never know for sure if you don't.

[lalinda87]

Ty saphire for taking the time and reading this :)....but how can i get over my insecurities...what can i do to relax.i know he has seen pics of me and i dont fix them up or anything but in the pics u cant really see my break outs...thats one of my major thing that,my face is breaking out a lot do to stress and i dont want him to see me one way in the pic and another when we see each other in person :(...like i just want to be confident and see him as a friend when we meet so that everything goes smooth....but i just like him so much that idk how to do that o.0

[**Sapphire**]

Honestly you reallt can't make or try to control everything to be perfect if & when you 2 do meet.

Whatever happens between you 2, will happen. He will like you for you, or not. The same as you will like him for him or not.

When 2 people meet in real life from online, it's always a 50/50 chance of working out. Heck even if people meet "the old fashioned way" it's a 50/50 chance. You just have to take that chance.

As for your break outs, have you tried talking to a dermatologist about it? Maybe researching a bit online about over the counter meds that might help you a bit?

[lalinda87]

Hey everyone! Saphire i did some online research and i found that green tea is very good and it helps control breakouts, i drink it at least 3 times a day and even tho it also makes me go to the bathroom lol i have noticed a diff in my skin so its working :)

Now, im here again because i feel a little confuse and more than anything i just want some perspective ....so yes, this is about that friend. I was making plans to talk to him and set up a date or something for us to meet when i get a break from school. Long story short, one day were texting and we ended up having a little argument, stupid argument not important at all but, yes it was my fault. However, we didnt talk at all after that....i sent him a msg on thaksgiving to know how he was doing (first text i sent after us not talking for more than 3 weeks) and he didnt reply...3 hours later i sent another msg joking about what happened that time and said something like " so, now you dont talk to me, how rude" and to this he did reply,kinda excused himself and then said he was with his family and wished me a happy.
thanksgiving...anyways, i got this christmas cards that im planning on sending to some of my.
friends that live kinda far and i dont see often so i thought about sending him one and since
we are always exchanging pics i thought bout sending him a pic of me with the card...so i told him i wanted to send him a card and he asked me if i needed his address so i said yes and he gave it to me. I was a little nervous to ask him his address cause we havent met and i dont want to sound desperate or like a stalker but, then again we have been talking for a long time, more than two years so i though that made it not so weird? Well he didnt mind...i just dont know if i should send him anything anymore and this is why...

Even though he says he likes me and all i feel that we only talk when i contact him or if we talking/texting and i ask him aout something he would not reply and i wont hear from him until the next time we talk (which could be days laters or even weeks)....i know he has looked for me to from time to time but, i feel im the one making all the effort into keep the friendship going and idk if its even worth it anymore. Like i would like to meet and even though im not just waiting around for him. I do go out and date guys, but he is the only one that makes me feel butterflies when ever we talk on the phone or text or chat online...idk what it is about him and i would like to find out and meet and get it over with. See if it could be more than a friendship or not...idk if its worth to keep waiting for something to happen. For us meeting or should i just forget it and finally give up?

[**Sapphire**]

Maybe the friendship is better off in cyberland. I would think if he shared the same feelings he would be more serious about wanting to meet in real life hun.

If you are making 95% of the contact/effort to keep the friendship going that isn't right. Friendships just like relationships are a 50/50 thing.

I say send him the card with your pic in it for Christmas just like you do for other friends. Maybe when he gets it, he will want to contact you more & see what he's missing out on. If he doesn't, then I suggest keep on doing what you are doing which is not waiting around for him.

[lalinda87]

As I was thinking that there was no point on me sending a card or a pic and that it was better to just forget about whole thing and move on....I get a text from him. And we texted for a bit. The conversation ended on him asking to take me out and he actually called a date! :)

I am beyond happy and excited that after more than two years we are finally gonna meet. I keep thinking in my head that I just want to meet and hang out and enjoy myself. To not think anything serious. However,I feel terrified at the same time because we don't talk all the time. We talk every bow and then. So,Idk how the dynamic is going to be once we see each other in person.I'm a very shy girl and he is very outgoing. I just want to be able to be myself and see if he likes me for me.

I guess I'm so happy about the idea of finally seeing him that I needed a place to let it out. I keep feeling butterflies ever since he asked me out lol :)

[**Sapphire**]

That's great hun, congrats!!

I know you are nervous, etc., but just go in to the date with the thought of meeting your online friend of 2 years. You don't know if you 2 will connect in person, so try to relax & enjoy meeting him & see where things may lead from there afterwards.

[lalinda87]

This is just a litle update on what has happened....Nothing! yup nothing at all. i sent him the card for christmas (no pic,since i thought it was a little too much) he texted me as soon as he got it to saying that he loved it and that it made his day...after that we texted for a few hours, kept texting the next day and the day after....on new years eve, we texted again for few hours, exchanged a few pics. he sent me a pic of his little sister which is adorable! and kept texting and then again the next day.

The thing is, that while we already know we like each other (phisically) and we seem to like each other's personalities, we still haven't met!!! i mean, im not in love with him or anything but, i would love to see him in person. try to get to know him offline. outside the texting and the internet. while he keeps saying that he has every intention of seeing me and that he likes me(enjoys our convos) he doesn't show much interest (as far as keeping contact like texting or calling) is like 75% of the time, is me sending him a text first... we were texting the other day. i was out with a friend at the movies and he was out in a club with some friends and he told me he kept looking at his phone just cause of me cause we were texting. and i made a comment about wishing we were home (so that we could text more or talk over the phone w.e) and he said he wish he was with me, not home or anywhere else. meaning in the same place together.

i mean...im sure he has some interest cause if not he wouldn't be saying all those things or showing me pics of his little sister but, seriously...how long is it gonna take? it's been a little more than two years and while is not entirely his fault that we haven't met (because i have had times where i have turned him down cause of work) i feel like i make most of the effort for us to keep talking or to bring up the "lets meet" and all that.
I obviously care about him some how, to the point where i would love to see what happens if we meet but, can i keep this up? the texting, exchanging pic's and all that? for how long? i feel like giving up and forgetting about the whole thing. we live in the same city and it's annoying that we can say all those things to each other and be so open about what we want if everything works out and yet not do anything to actually make it happen and see where everything goes.

I have gone out on dates and i keep my options open but, like i have mentioned before, he is the only one that actually gives me butterflies whenever we talk. and while i know he is not perfect and has his flaws, i still think he is a good guy and can't help but, to wonder how would he be in person. However, im finding myself tired of the waiting. One thing is to go with the flow which is what i have been doing but, waiting for us to meet for this long...it's starting not to make sense to me. i feel like giving up...

p.s Thank you for reading this. This always feels like a good place to let out my thoughts and get someone else's perspective :)

[**Sapphire**]

Have you talked to him about meeting in person? Have you talked to him about why it's taken so long for you 2 to meet in person?

It could be that he's content with being online friends (or a bit more) & not meet in person. That would be determined if you get the chance to talk to him about it though.

[lalinda87]

I have talked to him about it. In fact, just about 2 months ago i asked him why he still talks to me. of course he found the question a bit odd but, he said that even tho we haven't met yet he has every intention of meeting me. However, it hasn't happened yet.
I wonder if maybe im trying to rush things? If i should keep going with the flow and whatever happens, then it happens. But, i have been talking to him for so long and talking about meeting and all these things we say to each other that it just seems like it should be about time we meet or for him to at least be honest and tell me that he just wants to be friends online. but, he keeps saying that he would like to know where things would go after we meet. He is giving me so many reasons to think that he feels the same way i do about meeting each other but, he wont act on it.
maybe i should have one last talk with him and tell him how i feel about doing all these talking online/texting and exchanging pic's but, not meeting in person. it's confusing...i feel like i dont want to waste any more time talking with someone who i will never meet. not even as friends. seems pointless. should i say that to him? wait for him to contact me and talk to him about it? i don't want to seem pushy. Although, it has been 2 years!

[**Sapphire**]

I would be honest with him. As you said it's been 2 years, if you 2 haven't formed some kind of friendship over 2 years that you can't be honest & straightforward with each other, then it's not even worth it.

I'm thinking he might be a bit shy, scared or could be even comfortable with your friendship the way it is. Some people get that way online.

Maybe ask him if he's a bit afraid or shy to meet in person.

Are you 2 close location wise?

[lalinda87]

Ty sapphire,I will bring it up next time I talk to him and see what he has to say.

[lalinda87]

I did talk to him, i was clear about how i felt and asked him to be honest with me and tell me if he does want to see me and get to know me as more than a friend. I also told him that if he just wanted to see me as a friend, he jst had to say it and wouldn't bring up the subject about us meeting each other and that i would just let him be.
He said that he does want to see me and that if he hasn't seen me yet is because he hasn't been able to and has good reason (which i didn't want to ask) he told me to trust him and to believe in him. he promised me that he was not lying and that he has every intention of seeing me. He also said that he is interested and that he wants to get to know me as more than a friend but, that he wont be in a relationship until we see each other face to face and see if we click. that he if things goes well, he would love to try. I said that i totally agree with that, i dont want to be in a relationship until we see each other in person and see how it goes.

So i decided that im gonna trust him and take his word for it, i wont close my doors to the posibility of me meeting someone else but, i will leave the door open for him also and let him come arround. I wont ask about meeting again until he brings it up and i wont contact him again, I would let him be the one to come around.

is it crazy for me to believe him and trust him? for some reason i can't explain, i just do. I trust him, especially after he said that the only thing that's important to him is that i dont think that he is lying.

[**Sapphire**]

Well, you have known him for a long time, so you want to have that trust in him that he isn't lying.

I think you are doing the right thing in not waiting around for him, if you do meet someone then so be it. Good for you! :thumb: