A Few Blonde Jokes...

[lisa843]

Blonde Jokes...

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a dump."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and take a dump."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my butt." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

He left and came back with mess all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the heck happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
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A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's odd" replied the doctor "Show me what you mean" So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on. The doctor says to her "Your not a natural brunette are you?" "No I'm a blonde" she replies. "I thought so.... your finger is broken." replies the doctor.
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Are You Sure?
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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Can't Breathe
I went over to my neighbors house. She was a blonde and for some reason she was mad at the world. She was in the bathroom and the door was locked. I said, "Come on, you know you don't want to do this!" She said, "I darn well do wanna do this, nobody wants me alive anyways." For some reason i actually believed her and pushed through the door. She had a rope tied to her ankles. I asked "Aren't you trying to hang yourself?"

"Yes, whats your point?"

"Well, usually when people hang themselves they tie the rope around their necks"

"Yeah well, I tried that, But then i couldn't breathe."
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Guess who knows the state capitals?
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."

A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

[Penguin_Woman]

hehe Pretty funny, Goldie. Thanks :)

[mashmac]

those poor poor blondes....:playball:

[lisa843]

LOL...I am a blonde and I love blonde jokes....lol they crack me up... :)

@Tuxette...sure..you are very welcome. I try to do my part...lol :)

those poor poor blondes....:playball:

[mashmac]

I am a brunette and i do laugh at blonde jokes too.

[lisa843]

Why Pick on Blondes? lol :)

A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.

"Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."

The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

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So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo Hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down and shouts back, "You are on the other side."

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A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the old open cockpit airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, theride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

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"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

[lisa843]

Blonde's Revenge

Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1999 16:16:51 -0500

The Blonde's Revenge!

A blonde is sitting on a plane waiting for it to depart, when a lawyer-looking guy comes and sits next to her. While she is trying to catch some zzz's, the guy next to her leans over and says, 'Do you want to play a game? We'll ask each other questions and if we don't know the answer to each others questions, we'll hand over $5.'

She replies, 'No thank you, I'd like to get some sleep.'

He says back to her, 'O.K. I'll give you $50 (thinking she's a dumb blonde, he'll never have to pay), and you only have to pay $5.' She finally gives in and he asks the first question.

He asks her, 'What is the distance from the Sun to the Earth?' She reaches over into her purse, pulls out $5, and hands it to him.

'Now it's my turn,' she says. 'What is black and white, goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down with four?'

He pulls out his laptop, gets on the Web and no one knows the answer. He gets out his cell phone and calls friends and family, no one knows the answer. He goes back online and emails all his connections, and still, no one knows the answer. After an hour, he finally looks over and taps the blonde on the shoulder to wake her up, and says, 'You got me. I tried everyone I possibly could and no one knows the answer. Here you go, you deserve the $50.'

She accepts it and says thank you, turns over and goes back to her nap. He looks at her and says, 'Well, what's the answer?!' She reaches into her purse and hands him a $5 bill, turns over and goes back to sleep.

[Penguin_Woman]

Heard a version of this before. :) Very funny

edit: Just saw the others. I like that "life after death" one. All very funny

[lisa843]

LOL...I liked the one about the farmer and his wife...and the blondes revenge. :)Heard a version of this before. :) Very funny

edit: Just saw the others. I like that "life after death" one. All very funny

[Penguin_Woman]

Let's see who can answer these first:

Why'd the blonde get kicked out of the M&M factory?

How can you tell when a blonde's been using the computer?

How do you kill a blonde?
(multiple answers)

Mind you...I've nothing against blondes. My younger sister is blonde

[lisa843]

A blonde in church


An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved.

The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now, stand and confess your transgression.'

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

'Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

[karrani]

looooooooooool

really nice jokes

i am not blonde (^_^)

thanks a lot