I think I'm dating an emotionless alien!

[LevitationNation]

Greetings all!

Here's the situation.

Been dating this woman for a bit now. We talk on the phone, we've gone dancing together, walks on the beach and all the other stuff singles do when getting to know each other.

Yet she still has her singles ad up and doesn't appear to be in a hurry to remove, or hide it. I haven't logged into the site in days and I logged in to see if I had mail. She's still logging on regularly.
She doesn't talk about dating other men, nor shows signs of it, but what would be the point of logging in still if things are still going?

Hell, I'm even cooking dinner for her twice this week. (Yes real cooking, as I'm a chef), plus we're going to a Halloween party. I'll be at her house three times this week. Yet, we haven't even kissed. 3 weeks now dating. No kiss, yet I'm at her house? Is she playing me for attention, playing hard to get, or plain confusing and lost? She doesn't say thank you very often, unless I do first. Has a terrible time showing her affection.

Where I am confused and even tried to get an answer was about her profile. She listed for activity partner, but states in her info that she's looking for a relationship. So I asked her about it. She just says, "You'll learn who I am." Vague, elusive and confusing. That could mean anything from playing it safe, too being to carefree without thought of action.
Activity Partner means just playing cards or other things. Dating like we are means dating.

Can make for some confusing mind reading attempts. Probably time to break any habits I may have formed that she's reliant on and make her give chase.
She is in to me. She's always coming up with ways we can hang out and is fairly flexible to be spontaneous.
God, she's confusing me. I like her, as she's a nice and fairly honest woman, but she's so damn .... I dunno how to describe it. Very passive, yet present. I've never seen anything like this. Is she an Alien?

Can anyone help shed some light on this from an observer's perspective?

[**Sapphire**]

Sounds to me like maybe she is being careful. She could have been hurt in the past by ex's & she's not very willing to be totally open, plus to take down her ad yet.

If you haven't ask her about why she still has her ad up. Or better yet, ask her where she she's you 2 "going". If she opens up to you about it, then you can figure out (hopefully) more about her & especially where you 2 are at, if it's dating or a relationship or something else entirely.

[LevitationNation]

Sounds to me like maybe she is being careful. She could have been hurt in the past by ex's & she's not very willing to be totally open, plus to take down her ad yet.

Could be. We have discussed past relationships and she was considerate to answer about having a balance of positive and negative ones. During that conversation we agreed that bringing past baggage isn't wise to a current love interest.

If you haven't ask her about why she still has her ad up. Or better yet, ask her where she she's you 2 "going". If she opens up to you about it, then you can figure out (hopefully) more about her & especially where you 2 are at, if it's dating or a relationship or something else entirely.

Thank you. I'll see how tonight goes. That is some nice advice and I appreciate it and I will most likely approach it after Halloween on our second dinner at her house. Build some comfort and trust with me in her house first I see as important. :)

If she was hurt, that's ok. I'm a patient man, but you're right. Sounds like it's time to bring these thoughts forward.

Thank you Sapphire.

Regards,

~LN

[**Sapphire**]

You're welcome LN! :) Please let us know how everything went when you do get around to talking to her.

[LevitationNation]

You're welcome LN! :) Please let us know how everything went when you do get around to talking to her.

We shared a very romantic evening. I cooked her an amazing dinner for the two of us. Took me three hours of intense stress with it all from scratch. It turned out amazing and this was chef quality food. I didn't bring up anything 'yet', but I am tonight. That dinner cost me $60.00 to make. It was very hard to do. If she lets me slip between her fingers, she's a fool. How many women can turn down a decent man? These are not bragging rights, I'm an awesome lover and friend. This is why I was single for so long. Never felt appreciated for the fruits of my labor. I refuse to be played and used.

However, I am going to bring up the profile on the dating site issue. If she's still logging in, what would be the point of that after a close and romantic evening with someone? It feels a bit devious and a potential of hiding things.
This I will get to the bottom of Asap. If she says she wants to keep her options open, I know my answer. "Trust is built by demonstration and the desire to show it. After that romantic evening we just shared, that was me building trust. I just want to know clearly what your intentions are by keeping your profile active like this, because I'm ready to hide or remove mine and see what we can grow! If you want me to learn to trust you, I need to know you're being honest with me, or have a willingness too."

I say this because I only date one woman at a time. It's polite, considerate and respectful. Hiding like a rogue is deceptive and will get you no where except with those who are like minded. Being truthful will get you a reflection of just that.

If she's on a date tonight, because she did check her profile this afternoon, then yes, I will be a bit annoyed, if not with broken trust. We had plans tonight to establish our weekend. It does not take much to make me lose interest. Once and if trust or lack of demonstration of it are present, I'm gone. We shall see tonight with the phone call her and I have. I'm going to wait for her to call me, and that includes our halloween party. If she does not call, I will be fairly ****** off.

Oh, human drama. So wonderful.

So here goes tonight.

~LN

[**Sapphire**]

Best of luck tonight LN.

I think you have it planned out right in what you want to say to her, I think it's non-confrontational, but it also put the ball in her court for her to talk to you now.

[LevitationNation]

Best of luck tonight LN.

I think you have it planned out right in what you want to say to her, I think it's non-confrontational, but it also put the ball in her court for her to talk to you now.

Sapphire,

That topic never came up because we agreed on Saturday that this is a slow building relationship.

So she invited me over to her house after a major halloween party we went too, but with no sex. However, same bed, and half clothed is a pretty trusting. I know she is testing to see how patient I am. Like she has some prize. Sorry, but that part of women is unattractive. Nothing personal.

The only thing I don't like about slow relationships is the time-lines.

Are slow relationships worth it and what is too long of a slow relationship before even a kiss? I just have no interest in being used tiz all. Sorry, but a guy cooking you meals, agreeing to no sex and sleeps in your bed is rare. How long would you suggest I let that go on before I literally make chase on my end?

Thanks.

[**Sapphire**]

I don't personally know, it's all in how she feels. If she wants to take things slow then it on her to make more of a move to kiss, get intimate etc..

I like the idea of a slow building relationship, that way the couple gets to know each other a bit more. Too many these days fall in to bed & wind up not knowing a damn thing about each other, other than they MAY be compatible in the sack.

I'm not saying that is what you want, just general thoughts on what I've seen the past few years.

[LevitationNation]

I don't personally know, it's all in how she feels. If she wants to take things slow then it on her to make more of a move to kiss, get intimate etc..

I like the idea of a slow building relationship, that way the couple gets to know each other a bit more. Too many these days fall in to bed & wind up not knowing a damn thing about each other, other than they MAY be compatible in the sack.

I'm not saying that is what you want, just general thoughts on what I've seen the past few years.

Indeed, getting to know one another is a very healthy approach, I completely agree. I'm not looking for the instant rush; however, after reading your post, I know what I'm looking for.

Her to start initiating more moves. I feel at this point, I've initiated a good portion, so it's wise and healthy to give her that space to express it.

I want to feel desired, so that would be a good way to see how much this woman truly wants passion. It could be quite interesting to watch.

Thanks Sapphire. I appreciate it.

[LevitationNation]

I was played and used. She has other men that she has cooking for her. I posted in the deceived part lightly about this.

This would explain her completely empty fridge. Too think I bought all this food recently and left it there for her to eat thinking she was broke. My intuition told me, but my heart got blocked. So I spent the weekend with her. Sleeping in her bed without sex. I respected her boundaries. Then she tells me she's going to another man's house to give him massages and he's cooking for her.

I'm sorry, but dating multiple people and hiding them like that is wrong. Say up front you're dating multiple people, or have intentions too. Don't hide in the dark for your own personal gains. I detest dating games, players, users, abusers, and con-artists. To think, I should of let that hot blonde steal me at the party. If had notion of this dark and secretive lifestyle she was doing, I wouldn't be in this ****** off state.

Why the hell do people date multiple people at once. Am I some product that is in a window? An option to be shopped for. I'm pretty firm in the stance that dating one person at a time is fair. It's considerate of other people's emotions and heart. This cow led me on straight to her house to cook for her.

If she breaks it off with the excuse using the compatibly issue that was so benign, she's gonna get a piece of my mind. I have no tolerance for lies. It's just plain wrong.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Peace, love, recycle!

[**Sapphire**]

Why wait for her to break it off if she does? If you are not happy about what you found out & don't want to have to "share" her with others, then you can tell her that you aren't comfortable with this situation & it's time for you to fly.

I can see dating a few people here & there, BUT only if both parties are upfront about it & are OK with it. Dating is a different thing than being in a relationship. She wasn't upfront about it to you & you obviously aren't OK with it, so it might be best for you to talk to her & let her go.