bucketsorain
10-10-2010, 05:49 AM
I have been in a friends with benefits relationship but have been smitten with the guy since I met him. This is the second time he has ended the sexual part of our friendship, as he doesn't want to "lose the friendship".
He said when we first got together a few times that we shouldn't sleep together anymore because I would end up hating him, we would be better as friends. I was going through a divorce, and we met and there was an instant connection, and we slept together, and I really just fell in love with him right away. It was of course nice to have some physical connection with someone at that time, but what I didn't expect was the emotional connect I felt for him.
The last time we started sleeping with each other again, we talked and he says he's not emotionally ready for a relationship, and I told him, well I am at a place that I do want a relationship with him, and that I really care for him, and I can not sleep with him if he is not interested in having a relationship. I love our friendship and our current relationship. All that I said I wanted was a commitment that we are exclusively dating, as I don't do diseases. He said he has issues with emotions because of his past, which i know all about and that we should just consider having a "relationship". Then we went on a weeklong vacation together with my two young children and I thought we were having a good thing going, but now he has cut me off again. "Sorry, I don't want to hurt you," he says.
I am feeling very heartbroken. I told him he has hurt me but that I will be okay, it's just a little pain, and a little pain is really better than feeling nothing at all. But this is really more than just a little pain for me. It is so hard to walk away from someone you truly care about and is a really good friend when you are just being friends.
It hurts because I can tell he cares, but I think he just throws himself full-force into whatever he is doing at that moment, and that is a big reason why i adore him, but when he is my friend he is a really good friend. And he is great with my kids and they adore him, too.
It just sucks that i can't make my feelings for him go away, and that he can't return my feelings. quandary, indeed. I feel pleasure and joy when we are together, and all sorts of pain when we are apart, after he texts me, etc., because i know that he doesn't feel the same.
I care more than just friends, and I can't detach enough to make that go away. I think I just need to hear some encouraging words and to know if anyone has EVER been in this situation. It seems crazy, and i hate craziness!
It is time for me to show some compassion for myself.
:o
He said when we first got together a few times that we shouldn't sleep together anymore because I would end up hating him, we would be better as friends. I was going through a divorce, and we met and there was an instant connection, and we slept together, and I really just fell in love with him right away. It was of course nice to have some physical connection with someone at that time, but what I didn't expect was the emotional connect I felt for him.
The last time we started sleeping with each other again, we talked and he says he's not emotionally ready for a relationship, and I told him, well I am at a place that I do want a relationship with him, and that I really care for him, and I can not sleep with him if he is not interested in having a relationship. I love our friendship and our current relationship. All that I said I wanted was a commitment that we are exclusively dating, as I don't do diseases. He said he has issues with emotions because of his past, which i know all about and that we should just consider having a "relationship". Then we went on a weeklong vacation together with my two young children and I thought we were having a good thing going, but now he has cut me off again. "Sorry, I don't want to hurt you," he says.
I am feeling very heartbroken. I told him he has hurt me but that I will be okay, it's just a little pain, and a little pain is really better than feeling nothing at all. But this is really more than just a little pain for me. It is so hard to walk away from someone you truly care about and is a really good friend when you are just being friends.
It hurts because I can tell he cares, but I think he just throws himself full-force into whatever he is doing at that moment, and that is a big reason why i adore him, but when he is my friend he is a really good friend. And he is great with my kids and they adore him, too.
It just sucks that i can't make my feelings for him go away, and that he can't return my feelings. quandary, indeed. I feel pleasure and joy when we are together, and all sorts of pain when we are apart, after he texts me, etc., because i know that he doesn't feel the same.
I care more than just friends, and I can't detach enough to make that go away. I think I just need to hear some encouraging words and to know if anyone has EVER been in this situation. It seems crazy, and i hate craziness!
It is time for me to show some compassion for myself.
:o