Help...I need closure toward this

[Anonymous89]

Can anyone explain to me why I feel this way? I know that I should let go of the past, but before I let go of the past, I just want some closure so that I can stop brooding over this.



So this is the situation.
Every time I am around this friend, I always feel a weird feeling.
I feel depressed, I feel cautious, I feel suspicious. And I also see weird posts appearing in her blog, such as "some friends cannot be trusted...Some people are just too focused on their own problem to maintain relationships..."
My first instinct tells me that she is unhappy with me, but when I asked her, she said that my instinct is wrong and she defended herself very strongly??
But even if I don't use my instinct, and I use logic, I see no sense that she will write that post if she isn't unhappy with me.
By logic, she didn't quarrel with any other friends of hers, I am the only friend she quarrelled with, and also, she only wrote this 2 weeks after we patched up, before we quarrelled, I didn't see any of this weird posts appearing in her blog, and I also told her before that I went on a hiatus because I want some time alone to think about my problem, and in her blog post, she wrote "Some people are just too focused on their own problem to maintain relationship.." so I can't help but to think that she is still feeling unhappy with me secretly, or maybe she dislike me secretly? But why does she keep twisting her words when I asked her about this? Why does she keep denying that she feels unhappy? Can I trust her words?



And why do I have all these complex feelings around her like depression, cautiousness, and suspicion? I don't have these feelings around other friends of mine. So why do I have all these weird feelings around her?
Is this my feeling or am I absorbing and reflecting out her feelings? I really have difficulty differentiating my own emotions from others, I always absorb people's emotions all the time, so is these weird emotions MY emotions or HER emotions?
If all these emotions belong to me, then what about that weird blog post of hers?



This is actually an ex-friend of mine, I no longer contact her anymore, but I just want a closure to all these questions in my mind.
I appreciate all answers! Thanks! :)

[**Sapphire**]

She may not be mad at you & those posts may not be about you. It could very well have been bad timing based on things that happened between you 2.

If it is & she lied to you, she's an ex-friend now so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Anonymous89]

Actually, I still find it a little odd about something.

I actually knew this girl from high school. She has been my good friend for many years.
But I really don't understand why she gets upset every time I went on hiatus?
I am a person who needs a lot of space, moreover, I have already outgrown this friendship since one year ago, my fundamental values have all changed, there is nothing in common that makes me feel connected to her anymore, so why must she still cling so tightly?
Most of the time our conversation revolves around her, it's always about her troubles, her relationship problems, her feelings. I want to focus on a more spiritual and intellectual topics, but the problem is, she is not interested in spiritual topics, she prefers to talk about her feelings and relationship problems. She's a sensor and I am an intuitive, is this what caused the difference between us?
I also have other good friends whom I met from college. The strange thing is, although I am close to them too, they don't cling to me. They give me space.
I can go for many months without seeing or contacting these people, and then the next time I contact them, we are still as close.
But my high school friends are different. They cling and cling, even when I want a little space, they will start to get paranoid and start saying things like I shouldn't disappear and not inform them beforehand and they feel really upset with me and I should stop disappearing on them etc.


Why is my high school friends so....clingy??
I just want some space, I love my space, why can't they respect my space?
Why is it that my college friends know how to give me space, but my high school friends doesn't know how to give me space? Why?

[aces88]

Hmm could be that she viewed you as a personal confidant where she vent could about things that bothered her. And she possibly doesn't want to lost that, but that's just a personal observation.

As far as the difference between your college and highschool friends, it's possibly just a pattern thats been set. I.E. College friends expect you keep in touch and chill every so often while highschool friends want to hang out more often. People enjoy having a routine and get pretty comfortable with it.

I'm not in your situation so I seriously can only give my thoughts on it, so don't take it as a final word. Like Sapphire said, if she's an ex-friend I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[**Sapphire**]

I think the thing with college friends vs hs friends.

In college there is alot more work to do to keep them busy, PLUS they are older. There is much more extra "fun" that people can do in college than in high school.

I agree with aces in that it may have been a routine with your high school friends, in particular your ex-friend.

If you are no longer friends with anyone from high school I wouldn't worry too much about it like I said about your other friend as well. I know you want some kind of closure on it, but really friendships just END. There's no rhyme or reason to it, sometimes you get closure, while sometimes you won't.

It happens that way with relationships as well.