I really need advice, please help...

[NightBlade87]

If your taking the time to read this then I really appreciate your concern and hope you can offer some help.

I am guy 19 years old (soon to be 20 in 3 months) I've been dating this girl, (she is also 19 and our birthdays are a month apart) for about 2 months now, I've known her personally for nearly a year. We actually went to the same elementary school together but never knew eachother and we talk about it all the time. She ended up going to a christian school and I went to a normal highschool. We both currently by luck work at the same place, attend the same community college and live in the same area. We just started meeting on campus and at work and everything just kind of took off...

I absolutely love this girl. She loves me too. We've spent hours at night chatting until its past midnight. We've written eachother poems. Taken walks in the park and at night under the stars. I've taken her out to dinner, icecream, we've watched movies at home together. We've baked brownies, cooked dinner, given eachother cute little gifts. She taught me how to ball room dance, and I've taught her things as well with my interests in Martial Arts. She's the loveliest girl I've ever met. And she feels the same about me.

But there is a problem and it is absolutely killing me...

Because of her upbringing she is very religious... I am just not. I was brought up Catholic she is Christian. I just have for my own reasons adopted my own belief. I will not get into it thats not what this is about. I have nothing against it I have a very VERY open mind and I am very open to other peoples beliefs and standards.

But it is my belief that love holds no bounds. It shouldn't be influenced by 3rd party groups or standards. If you truely love someone, that is truely what matters most.

We both have assured eachother that we can talk to eachother about anything. And During one discussion in the past I asked her what her religion says about relationships because I was nervous about what sorts of things I could do around her and not cross any barriers. She told me she thought "personally nothing was wrong with snuggling, kisses, or hugs. But the bible clearly states that Christians should save sex for marraige, and thats what she intended to do".

Now PLEASE by NO means is it my goal to have sex with her. By no means would I even consider that at this point in our relationship. But I think about the future... My God I am ALL for waiting untill you are ready and I think that is great. I'm a virgin and I'm waiting untill I find the right person... But I feel that it is something that is perfectly suitable for if you truely love someone in a serious relationship. But understand where I am coming from... I am going to be 20 years old, I really like this girl. Hell I could truely see myself marrying her sometime in the future... But the thought of it. I could never do anything else with her besides kisses/hugs for however long it could take to get married... I could wait. I really could. A couple years if that was just the case... but I'm 19 years old now in college to major in criminal justice to go into law enforcement. Am I willing to wait untill I'm in my mid 20's and never be able to show any sexual compassion towards her? What if something didn't work out? Is it possible there are other things we could do? I certainly don't want to try and persuade her to think otherwise... She is entitled to her belief.


The bible also says "that a couple should not be unequally yoked"... Which I won't even go there...
She has not said anything about this, but yes I know what the bible says...

I am just so stressed out thinking about this...

Please if anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer some advice pease help. Are there any Christians that can offer their take? If two people truely love eachother is that not what God wills in a relationship? What would you do if you were her and I told you my situation?

I am just so deeply saddened right now... She is just so perfect...

Thank You for reading...

[aussiecoffee007]

hey, just to let you know i am thinking about your post and ill get back to you as soon as i can... im sure other wonderful members will get back to you soon :)

[Penguin_Woman]

Welcome to ATLF, Nightblade. I'm sorry you are having this problem. I'm not really sure what to say except just take things one day at a time. Don't push her, don't pressure her in any way. If she holds fast to her beleifs...good for her. If you can't take it and are ready for more...explain that to her gently and tell her you have got to go. There's not much more you can do without making her go against her beleifs.

[NightBlade87]

And we are supposed to go visit our old elementary school today to visit our past teachers....

I asked her hypothetically what a good age would to get married, she told me 23 seemed like a good age.

I don't know what to think. Its heartbreaking the thought of having to end a beautiful relationship because "the bible said so"...

[Penguin_Woman]

I'm sorry, Nightblade. But, I have to tell you...if you push, if you even try to gently persaude her to change her mind...it will upset her and she will be filled with regret and that won't make you look real good. Not trying to be harsh, just telling you.

[lisa843]

I agree with Tuxette...take it one day at a time. You never know..things could still work out...
I would not just jump to the conclusion that your relationship is doomed. If she is so wonderful and really cares about you...and if it is meant to be...it will be. Don't stress...just enjoy. :)

[mashmac]

well, i am a lapsed catholic... regardless of that i do believe that when to people feel the time is right - making love is the most wonderful thing. married or not. and i also think that it is natural to want to know if you will click on that level with a person before you commit to marriage. but that's just me.
and i didn't wait until i was married.

you can't force the issue and you certainly can not convince a believer to do/think differently. if she is as religious as you say she is, she will pull away from you.

i can imagine how your hormones are going nuts being twenty years old.
and i can imagine that just thinking about how you might have to wait until you are 23... well it can't be easy.

there isn't much you can do short of leaving her and finding someone else.
at the moment if you want to be with her - you will have to wait.

[aussiecoffee007]

okay, as a christian who holds the same belief as her, perhaps i can help out a bit... about the 'unequally yoked' i definitely have an opinion about that, if you want to PM me, i dont want to make this post completley religious but i can tell you my thoughts as a christian on that whole passage. ive struggled a lot with differnet religions in a relationship, right now i am dating a catholic and ive thought a lot about it... i dont see why your relationship with her has to end because you arent having sex. its not the end of the world to wait... i mean, so you wait a few years, then you have another what, 50 of your prime years to "show her sexual compassion"? so what if you have to wait a few years... i mean in the grand scheme of things its nothing. and trust me, your relationship can make up for it, and there are other ways of getting closer than just having sex... i wouldnt try to convince her about it otherwise she will think youre just out for one thing... i would just wait. i think its worth it especially as you care about her like you do, even if you disagree iwth it you can respect it since you are in love with the person she is not the body she is.
if you want more on the religion aspect, i can definitely provide it, feel free to PM me.
if you want clarification... let me know too...
and just a sidenote, as i said im christian chaste til marriage and my boyfriend is catholic, not a virgin, obviously knows what we lack but he is willing to wait for me, and trust me, that makes our relationship stronger and when it finally happens....
:X :)

[NightBlade87]

We ended up having a long discussion yesterday about it. I told her what I felt a relationship should be, which should be true and free from outside influences. She said she needed to take a long walk to think about it... I told her I would be around until I went to work. A few hours passed... no reply from her. I went to work extremely worried... texted her on my break she responded much later but not the way she normally would. Finally at the end of my shift late last night I hurried to my car and when I got there, she was waiting for me with a tray of brownies she baked for me. I was so happy :) we drove home in our seperate cars and talked about it later after I got all cleaned up from work. She agreed with me on many points.

I wasn't even about the sex. Thats not what my primary conern was. If she wanted to wait I wanted her to do it because SHE wanted to and not because her religion commanded her to do so. She is in fact doing it on her own free will and I respected that. And so it appears as though things are going to work out.

I really appreciate all the advice and support from you guys. If I ever have another issue I will be sure to PM you aussie ;) thank you.

[Penguin_Woman]

Ooohh ok I see. I understand now. :) Well, I'm so glad things worked out with you guys. We hope you'll stick around and maybe help others on here. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

hehe thanks, im glad youll ask for my help on that stuff if you ever need it again :) and im glad you are respecting her and everything