Hi! Which risk to take... address or not address?

[pinkdaisy4939]

Hi all!

I'm new to this board and want to thank you in advance for taking the time to help me. I have a situation where making a decision involves risk either way. I'm especially interested in guy opinions, but would love kind feedback from anyone.

A little background - started communicating with a guy off of an online dating site back in early February. He is 31 and I am 24. We talked on the phone for a month, met in March. During this time he was putting in overtime at work and in the process of buying his first house. Throughout all this, he went out of the way to meet with me many times. On the second date, he said he wasn't seeing anyone else as he's not one to date more than one person at a time (neither am I) because he wants to see where we could go.

Since then, we've gone on many, many, dates. He calls each day to see how my day was and let me know what he's up to. He drives 40 minutes to meet me half way (we live about an hour apart.) I've met his parents and some of his friends. I spent his birthday and memorial day with his family. I've stayed over at his place. I'm a virgin who is waiting until I'm in love to have sex, and he has been completely respectful of that. I've also got on birth control for the first time (for my skin, for my cramps, and 'just in case'.) He is aware of this and has been respectful. He enjoys our present time together, and refers to the near and semi-distant future.

Two weekends ago we were talking about how we've been in contact for 4 months and dating for three. We determined that we are officially exclusive. He actively persues me and goes out of his way to spend time with me. I enjoy him and everything about our time together. The only thing that is bugging me is that he is still on an online dating (OLD) website. I asked him about his active profile. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he hasn't communicated with anyone since meeting me. I'm an overly cautious person, but based off the person I know so far, I believe him. I asked him if he's willing to hide his profile and he said he can do that. We had this discussion at the end of the day when we were both a little tired. The next day I brought it up again as we were both more alert and whatnot. Apparently his account renewed and his subscription will be up in November. (Six months subscription)

He still is logging on every other day or so. I like everything about this guy. He's not perfect, no one is, but things have gone so well and I feel good about what we have going. I don't know what to do with the OLD thing. It's not that I don't trust him, it's the fact that his activity on there sends the message that he's available (in my opinion,) and I don't like that. For some people, it's just a hobby or routine that is harmless.

I'll be fine about it for awhile, then all the sudden it'll bug me again. (Part of this is because I'm on a new BC pill, which causes me anxiety.) I guess I just don't get it. His actions, words, gestures and effort toward me does not mesh with the fact that he still logs on. He's not into games or being in a relationship "just because." He has his life in line and wants something long term.

On the grand scheme of things, this feels like nothing. For the first time, I feel that I'm attracted to and with an genuinely good person. I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but I also need to look out for myself. I guess it basically comes down to...

1.) Do I bring this up in a non-threatening way? or...
2.) Do I focus on the fact that we've only been dating for 3 months, and because of that I should let it go and give our relationship more time to grow?

I'm really not sure what the right choice is. I've received both of the above recommendations from other boards but am still trying to come to a decision. My horoscope for today said, "You're about to make the choice, but get more feedback first." (I only read them for fun, but I think it's onto something today!)

Thank you for reading this far (if you did!)
Thanks in advance for your advice and feedback! :)

Pink

[cranberries]

teehee I read those horoscopes for fun sometimes too they say things that make your eyes go woah, thats weird.

well, I wouldnt constantly bring it up to him about it. It might cause him to think you dont trust him. Have you told him it bothers you alot? or have you just been beating arond the bush with questions. I think it's important to be blunt and tell your partner straight up if something is bothering you. I think you could bring it up at least one more time. But dont hang on it any more afterwards. I personally think it would be weird, if he wasnt willing to comprimise for your feelings. But it's probably, most likely an old internet habit. Or he might just be be one of those guys that wants to get his money's worth by visiting. I wish I could be better help :rolleyes: I know I would be really annoyed by this too.

[mashmac]

I totally understand why it bothers you but yes you should your relationship more time to grow and it's good that you told him it bothers you. I also think it's an internet habit but I think you should tell him again that it bugs you. Clearly you have convictions and you seem to be a very straightforward person and you won't settle for anything less than serious.

I would mention it to him again if you have difficulties coping because it seems you are communicating well. And he should be able to understand. And somehow
display a "i am taken" signal on his profile. Not sure if that is possible or how.

You seem to be in a good place right now with him and somehow he should be able to reassure you. I don't really know how those sites work but there must be something he can do to make you feel more comfortable if he can't unsubscribe until November.

[~Teej~]

Yeah I agree with everyone else here...I was going to say if he just changed his status on the site to "in a relationship" or spoken for "taken" then you probably would be okay that he still visited the site.

When I was with someone like yourself who lived some distance we both still visited our websites and just changed our status so there was no probs..

Welcome to ATLF :D

[Penguin_Woman]

Welcome to ATLF, Pinkdaisy. :) We're glad you could join us. I agree with everyone else. If he's going to continue visiting that site, he should at least indicate that he's with someone. Try asking that of him someday. then just drop it because if you keep after him he'll probably get ticked. :)

[pinkdaisy4939]

Thanks for your replies!

I've only asked questions to him, I haven't all out said that it bugs me. I don't think he knows that I know he's active on there every other day or so.

I think I'll drop it for awhile, as I've casually brought up the OLD website and his status (in a hint way) 3 times or so in the past month or so.

I honestly believe it is harmless, but hope he'll eventually take it down. I'll bring it up in a month or so if it's still up I think.

Thanks again!
Pink