Best Friend situation

[jo23]

Hi just would love some advice if anyone has any because i cant talk to anyone else about it really..

I came across my best friends computer a while back and she had been looking at threads called loving your best friend and steps how to get over it. I think this made me think woah and maybe i may be the same as her but never let her know i found this on her computer.
I continued be friends but she would be very distant from me and was making excuses to see me. She had admitted she had been avoiding me, (maybe because she didnt think the feelings were mutual) and so eventually gave in n we spent a lot of time together till i felt i had to tell her one night. I told her i loved her and she replied "i know" and didnt say anything else but we did share a kiss that same night we became closer and carried on kissing and hugging most nights for 5 months since.

Its almost like we are seeing each other and she brought in other sexual things n became more confident about making the first move etc. And we havnt met anyone else since. But what i cant understand, is that she might be scared to tell me she loves me back as she never talks about her feelings? do u think there must be strong feelings considering we are best friends and she is attracted to me or maybe she doesnt feel love and is just using me untill she finds someone else? we are both not out publicly as bi or lesbian so that makes it even harder. if you have any advice that would be great? I will speak to her eventually but i think alot of mindgames she plays so she doesnt get hurt and if i asked to confirm the relationship she might freak out?

[**Sapphire**]

Welcome to ATLF, glad that you joined us here. :)

If you 2 have been sexual & are close for 5 months I think it's over the time to sit her down & have a talk about where you 2 are going. If it's a relationship, if it's fun, etc..

She needs to be honest with herself & you as well. Do you know if this is her first experience being with another woman? How about you? Is this your first time?

[jo23]

Thanks

Yeah its both of our first time, i stopped initiating it and then she would and shes more confident in making sexual acts. its never been awkward between us even after the first time it happened.

I think we might both be a bit in denial and im not sure she would want to tell anyone because she cares a lot about what people think.

She also gets quite jealous if i mention a guy has texted me but im not interested in anyone else and i would like to say can we make it official but keep it a secret?

I also came across on her laptop at her looking at forums and posts named "how do i tell my best friend im in love with her" "complicated situation" and "why do i feel like friend with benefits?"

Thing is it sounds quite obvious she might like me but i always wonder if its another girl shes interested in?

[**Sapphire**]

Why not talk to her, ask her if she would like to make things official, but can keep it quiet from friends etc.?

If she's with you, she's been sexual with you, then chances are pretty good that she's talking about you in those other forums.

[jo23]

yeah i think i will try and have a talk with her.

I think im just scared she might say no and then want to break things off if its serious.

I just hope our friendship doesn't get ruined because personally i think she may be the one for me but if its not mutual im not sure i could keep close friends with her if i had them feelings.

She has tried to hold my hand on the way home while drunk on several occasions and once in a bar she put her arm around me but i cant help feel really awkward in public.

[**Sapphire**]

It's a chance you will have to take hun. Talking to her will hopefully sort everything out in 1 way or another.

I do hope that when you do talk to her, it will work in your favor. :)

[jo23]

Ok so i told her i loved her the other night and she didnt say anything back, i said well do u love me? she paused for a while and then said no and i said are u sure and she said yes. (Thing is i know she is scared and has never loved anyone before) i said i know you, and i reckon u do and then she kissed me and we fell asleep. Since then she has been more clingy and making more of an effort with me, we have slept together since. So do u think she is scared to say yes but only shows it in actions and not words or do u think she really doesnt love me but leading me along?

[**Sapphire**]

It could be the case where she's shy or something.

Then again, her not saying she loves you back & then saying that she doesn't love you was pretty harsh.

[LeilaLee]

There must be something wrong with that woman!