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callygirl
06-01-2007, 01:06 AM
I was engaged to be married. I thought my life was going great. The guy was sweet, had a great job and seemed to love me. About a month after we were engaged, he told me that he had a "stalker" and she found out we were engaged and might try to contact me. I didn't think much of it since I never heard from her.

About 3 months later, 4 months into the engagement- I get a phone call out of the blue from "the stalker." She tells me that she has been in contact with "Bill" almost the whole time we have been together, he asked to see her 9 times in the 1.5 years he and I had been together, slept together once and she has the emails to prove it. I told her I didn't believe her and didn't want to see the emails. And I hung up on her.

I called "Bill" and he said he would take care of it. Later that night I asked him about the emails and he admited that he did email her back and forth from while at work "quite a bit" but swears they never were together. I emailed him the following day and told him to pass along my email address to her if she needs to contact me she could do it thru email.

That night she Cc: me on an email reply to Bill. Bill had emailed her and told her that he would get her in trouble at work if she contacted my parents. I emailed her back and told her if she wanted to send me emails to do so or if not, to get on with her life. She and I emailed back and forth that night. She gave me date of thier last sexual encounter. I asked "Bill" about it and he admitted they were together. I told him I needed a break to think about things.

She then sent me the emails they exchanged. There were over 200 emails and email strings. They run from sexual to discussing thier weekend football picks. There are even emails where he wanted to meet up with her and a guy she was seeing on a date and I could tell he was bothered she was dating. I read where she told him less that 2 months before he proposed that she wouldn't see him anymore if he was seeing me. He said he understood. She tried harder to pull away from him and he tried to do things indirectly to get her attention. He even sent flirty emails to her a week after we were engaged.

Apparently, he told her over a phone call that we were engaged. She got mad and threatened to tell me. I don't know why she didn't right away, but she cooled down and he talked to her again via email a little more. And did a few other things to get her attention.

Then I get the phone call out of the blue. After reading the emails and hearing more from him. She actually is a girl he dated 3 years ago. He seems to have a harder and harder time distancing himself from her.

I don't understand why he asked me to marry him. I think it is quite clear that he really still is "into her" or whatever. And she is into him as well. He could have her if really wanted her.

There are so many things that run through my head as to why he would even ask. We are both Greek and come from traditonal Greek families. She isn't Greek at all. His ex-wife is getting remarried to the guy she left him for almost 9 years ago. He had a milestone b'day-35.

I even wonder if he really wanted to marry me. He never asked her not to tell me when she said she would. He put his house up for sale so we could move into a home together with our kids. Now he has raised the price so it possibly won't sell probably just to ride out the realtor contract.

I don't really know why or what I asking. Maybe I just want to vent.

Penguin_Woman
06-01-2007, 02:02 AM
Welcome to ATLF, Callygirl. I'm sorry it's for this reason. Let me think on your question/statement some and I or someone will reply.

lisa843
06-01-2007, 02:10 AM
callygirl

I am sorry you are having such a time there. From what all you have written..I believe you already have all the answers you need. (IMO) He has been lying to you all along...I could not be with someone I could not trust. Also, it does seem like HE is the one not wanting to quit her. I hope you are able to get all this resolved without getting hurt more than you have already. take care. :)

Penguin_Woman
06-01-2007, 02:37 PM
I hate to say it, but I rather agree with Goldie. I mean it took quite a while for you to get the full story out of him. I think the only way to stay with him is tell him he can no longer have any contact with his ex-gf. Then, if he does...I would probably leave. Of course that is if he wishes to remain with you. If he doesn't I might just count myself lucky if I was you. He does still seem to have feelings for her still. It seems to me he was almost trying to deny it to even himself. Good luck, whatever you decide. We'll be here if you need to vent.

eaglebaseball
06-01-2007, 05:28 PM
I personally would never cheat on someone, and if someone cheated on me while I was engaged, i would be furious. That would come dangerously close to disengaging (lol) between us. Its just unacceptable.

callygirl
06-01-2007, 09:57 PM
Thank you for responding. I am just confused. In the emails he asked her 9 times to see him. She cancelled most of the time. There was once where he cancelled due to work and she got mad. He tried to make her better.

It just hurts so much b/c apparently keeping her in his life was important to him. He should have totally cut her off. They have no reason to talk other than to flirt b/c apparently friendship is not something that they can have without wanting to be more.

Part of me wonders if he even respects her more since he didn't lie to her like he did me.

~Teej~
06-02-2007, 11:36 AM
That sounds awful Callygirl...What a horrible thing to find out.

I honestly think you will be best of walking away from him..

He is obviously still into her and I don't think even if you asked him to cut her out of his life that he could..He's been doing it for long..Could you even trust him if he said that he won't contact her again..I know I couldn't.

I think you should count yourself lucky that this girl knew she was doing wrong and did the decent thing in telling you what was happening..

I know it's hard but I think you should try and move on.

I don't think that he deserves you. :grouphug:

callygirl
06-02-2007, 02:11 PM
Thank you. I think you all are right about moving on. If I don't I'll have to contend with this girl forever.

Eventhough she would email him first, they'd email back and forth probably 6 times each the whole day. Most of it was conversation. But here is my thing, a guy isn't gonna talk to a girl that much unless he likes her or if he has to. They weren't in a relationship, they don't have a child together- he talked to her b/c he likes her that much.

I have 2 kids from my first marriage. I don't to drag them into something like this. I feel like the whole relationship was a lie. It wasn't one drunken night at a bar. This went on the whole time. And he can't just claim it was sex, they only had it once and he talked to her for almost the whole time we where together.

What a pain in the ***!