can this realationship be saved?

[needtotalk]

Hello - I just found you all today. I am having the worst day I can ever remember and since I don't really have many friends I searched for a forum. Here's my story....

I have been long distance dating a man for almost a year and a half..we are perfect for each other! He is everything I have ever dreamed of in a man and he says the same about me. We've dubbed each other the Evil Twins because we have so much in common and think so much alike.

We were both going through divorces when we met. We were instant friends and soon felt that we were meant to be together. Here's where the problems start. He lives 600 miles away and we both have small children. The orginal plan was for us both to move 1/2 way...until the court told me I could not move with my child. Him moving all way to me is not a option since this town has NO jobs at all for him. Plus he decided he could not leave his child behind. So after many many tears and soul searching I decided to leave my child here with his father and move to be with him.

We have had many many obsticles and problems but so far have been able to overcome them all. My child and I just spent 5 days there with him and now he says doesnt think we can be together. Our two children (both 6) didnt really get along very well and it has him freaked out...his told him that he didnt want to come over any more if mine was there. Plus the money and time for me to drive back here every month to see my child has him stressed.

I think he is about to break up with me. And I dont know what to do. I've tried to tell him that things will work out but he says he is tired of this being so hard. My heart is breaking....I fear I am about to lose the first man I have every truly loved.

wow - sorry so long...now that I am a crying, sobbing mess again I will end this post here.

[mashmac]

Hello there... I am sorry for your pain, it must be awful. This is a very difficult situation and you are very brave for trying to work it all out. I am not sure I could imagine being away from my children. And I can understand why he would feel the pressure. Perhaps if you can convince him to give you all more time.

Your situation is complicated and you all need more time to adjust to it - especially the children, mostly the children. You made all this sacrifices to be together, you moved away from your child...

I hope he will be able to find the strength in his heart to carry on.
Good luck and If I can think of anything intelligent to say, I'll be back.

[needtotalk]

thanks so much for the welcome and reply..just having someone to talk to helps..

I wanted to clear up one thing..I have not yet moved...I am/was suppose to go at the end of the month. My child is already at his fathers for his summer parenting time. I have already made arrangements with my ex and paper work is being drawn up.

And just so everyone knows..the choice to leave was the hardest decision I have ever had to make..but I love this man so much...I have so much more opportunity for a career there..right now I have a dead end job with no insurance..I HATE this town...so there are so many reasons. And not that it makes it better but my child has always been a daddys boy...from day one they were attached at the hip.

I waited 38 years to fall in love for the first time..and it finally happened but now I seem to be forced to stand helpless as it slips out of my hands.

[Penguin_Woman]

Welcome to ATLF, Needtotalk.

Well, it seems like your choices are as follows:

1) Move out there...without your child. Go to visit them only rarely and alone. Mind you this doesn't make you a horrible person. You had to make a decision and out there is your love and better opportunity

2) Try to get some kind of family counseling. He should not be ruled by his child. I understand he's a divorced Dad who loves his child and wants only the best, but giving into his kid is doing them a disservice. You could try to work things out between the two kids.

3) Abandon your plans entirely and stay where you are or find somewhere else with better opportunity.

[mashmac]

I hope for you he will realize that it's worth putting more effort into this. If not...
Well he probably isn't the man you think he is. We always tend to project the best on the person we are in love with. Reality can be quite different. I hope your reality is what you expect it to be and that he will have the courage to hold in there.

I can imagine that moving away from your child is the hardest thing to do and I am not judging you for it. Life is complicated and not black and white.

And career in not to be disregarded. To be honest - it's one thing in life that does make you feel better about yourself no matter what else is happening.
And certainly with age it becomes even more important to be able to do something that only belongs to you. It will give you independence whatever happens. I am almost the same age as you and my career matters to me because it gives me the security I need for myself and my family.

[EC]

Hi, mind telling us what are so great about him?