Should I Move On

[eaglebaseball]

Alright, I apologize in advance for the long post.

I'm friends with this girl, sara. I've known her for about 4 year or so, but over the last year we've become much better friends. Our parents are good friends, so we eat dinner together alot. about 6 months ago, we had our school homecoming, and one of her friends told me that she wanted to go with me. I finally worked up the courage to ask, and then the next day she calls and says she decides she no longer wants a date because no one else has one in our group. Well, two other couples went, so I dunno where she got that idea. So, we all went to the dance and everything, had a good time, but I didn't talk to her at all, to nervous I guess. Her friend apologized to me (who knows why, but the same one who set us up) and I was like "thanks, but it really doesn't help". Anyways, I was pretty shook up, because I really liked her, I just didn't think that she wanted to go with me, but apparently she did, and then didn't.

Since then, we've started to talk more, still not like we were before that, but its not as strained as it was before. I had a realization the other day, how much I really do like her (its a long story), but I don't know what I should do. It would be kind of weird, because our parents know each other, and we've been friends for along time, so I'm not sure if I should ask her out, or if I should just let it go. I've had crushes on other girls, but with her, I feel comfortable around her. Even when we don't talk to eachother, I just like being around her. Whether she feels this way or not, hell if I know, but I really don't think she likes me at all.

[Tuxie]

First off, welcome to ATLF eagle. We're glad you've joined us here. :)

Hmm... very strange. Since she initially WANTED to go with you, THEN changed her mind? Well, my question is the same as yours... what changed? The only thing to do IMHO, is to talk with her... tell her exactly how you feel about her. AND... tell her how it made you feel when she changed her mind. I don't think it would be asking too much for you to ask her WHY the change. Once you get these things out in the open, then you can decide what direction to go in.

I hope this helps... I'm sure others will reply soon.

[aussiecoffee007]

so just to clarify, this girl went separately to the same dance as you although not with you? was it awkward after the dance? has there been any flirting since?
and welcome, as well, to ATLF.... and btw that is SO not a long post :)

[eaglebaseball]

yeah, we went in the same group, neither had dates. We dance a couple times, but it wasn't the intimate slow dance, is a way it could be put.

We haven't flirted at all, but we talk occasionally at school.

I'd like to talk to her, but I just never did, and its probably too late to ask her about something that happened 6 months ago. Schools out anyway, and so I'd probably have to call her on the phone or something. I'm terrible at talking to girls anyway, so I'd probaby screw something up. It took me 5 days to work up enough courage to ask out a girl who I knew was going to say yes anyways.

I have no idea why she dumped me though, I still can't figure it out after 6 months. I hadn't even talked to her between friday afternoon when I asked her, and saturday evening when she called and "set me free".

It was originally giong to be a very long post, with gobs of details, but I decided to shorten it up. I posted on another forum, but it never got posted byt he admins for some reason, so I decided to come here.

[eaglebaseball]

I forgot one more thing. The thing that bothers me the most, is she turned down two other guys, both asked her before me, and then said yes to me, and then the next day changed her mind.

Wouldn't it be kind of weird to ask her about something that happened six months ago?

[aussiecoffee007]

i dont think its weird, i think its one of those, hey enough time has passed do you mind letting me know what happened? not so weird.

[eaglebaseball]

i dont think its weird, i think its one of those, hey enough time has passed do you mind letting me know what happened? not so weird.


I guess you're right. The only thing is, could it be done on the phone, or would that be weird. I honestly dont think I could talk to her face to face about it.(I'm a wimp on these things)

[aussiecoffee007]

if you talk on the phone often, i think it wouldnt be that weird... at all. but id bring it up casually, as to avoid potential awkwardness.

[eaglebaseball]

I've only talked to her on the phone like twice.

This is why its so difficult.

Or, I could just not ask her about it, and then ask her to homecoming this year, whch is like in septemberish.

I want to know, but I don't want to know. You know what I mean?

(sorry for all the "know"s)

[aussiecoffee007]

well i woudl talk to her about it first, to see what happened and ensure it doesnt happen again. i think you should talk to her about it, on the phone if you cant do it in person but i think in person woudl be best.

[eaglebaseball]

there is no way I'm ever gonna be in a position to ask her about it in person.

So, should I just call her up one night, ask her how her days been and other stuff, and then ask her about it?

Its definitely going to make things akward after that, which is why I've left it alone, becaues I really do like her, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable and push her away.

[Tuxie]

Wouldn't it be kind of weird to ask her about something that happened six months ago?
If it's bothering you enough to try to make sense of it on a love forum, I don't think it would be weird to ask after six months. I mean.... it's your choice. Either you find out... or you don't.

[eaglebaseball]

If it's bothering you enough to try to make sense of it on a love forum, I don't think it would be weird to ask after six months. I mean.... it's your choice. Either you find out... or you don't.

Haha, very true. I don't know what I'll do, I guess one night maybe I'll get up the confidence to just all and ask.

I'm not a girl, so I don't know, but would it be weird to girls if a guy called them to ask about something that happened a long time ago? Would it be creepy that I've been thinking of it for this long, or what?

[Penguin_Woman]

Then you don't know women. lol We're prone to bringing things up from years before. :lol:

[eaglebaseball]

Then you don't know women. lol We're prone to bringing things up from years before. :lol:

I don't know women, thats for sure. :rolleyes:

I don't think she wants a boyfriend, but I'd like to know for my sanity.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah, i agree with tuxette, we like being consulted even about things that happened in the past and since this is your feelings, we dont mind talking about it. we quite like it actually. talking about stuff that happened, and if tha tmuch time has passed i definitely think its okay... things are only awkward if you make them, if you treat it like just an informative conversation not awkward at all it wont be.

[eaglebaseball]

well, now I'm debating calling her friend first to see if she can shed any light on the situation. This is the same one that hooked us up, and they're pretty much best friends, so I figure a call to her first cant hurt to get some background info. Is that a bad idea, or not? It would certianly make life easier if I knew kind of why she did it.

[Tuxie]

I think that's a good idea. Anything you can do to learn why she acted the way she did, would be a plus in my book. At least, it could put your mind to rest. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah i agree, thats a good idea, that way you can get a really general idea of how she feels about you at the moment. but ask the girl about what happened, dont go through a second-hand source... trust me :)

[eaglebaseball]

yeah, I've learned my lesson about second hand sources. its not always 100% accurate, but its a good place to start I'd think. I'm considering asking her out, so knowing a little about how she feels right now would help on that too.

[aussiecoffee007]

lol well i think you should find out what happened first before you ask her out just so you dont get hurt again... just a thought.

[eaglebaseball]

yeah, I think I may be getting a little ahead of my self. lol

[eaglebaseball]

alrighty. Phew, its been a while. I called, and I could never get her to give me a direct answer, so after about 15 minutes I just said forget it and hung up. That was about a week and a half ago.

Anyway, I started summer school last monday, and theres a girl in my class that I'm starting to like. I don't know why, but I'm attracted to her, but the only problem is that she goes to a different high school than I do, and shes also a year older. We've talked a little, not a whole lot of free time when you've got to cover a semester of material in 5 hours a day in 12 days.

So, my dilemma is that I want to ask her to lunch or coffee or something like that, but I don't know how to approach a girl. I mean, shes older than I am, which makes it that much more intimidating, as well as the fact that I've only known her for a few days. Help?

[aussiecoffee007]

i dont think it matters that she goes to another high school... maybe you should just ask her to a like a study coffee date or something...

[eaglebaseball]

well, through some use of facebook and myspace, I just found out that she's got a boyfriend, so that basically saved me from looking like an idiot and saying "hey, want to go get something for lunch after class?" "ummm, sorry, I've got a boyfriend"

then I'd look like an idiot. oh well, guess its back to wishing things were different.

[~Teej~]

You will find someone...Just try to keep your spirits up...She'll be worth the wait.

[aussiecoffee007]

yeah, there are many many options for you, dont let one get you down :)

[eaglebaseball]

ok, well apparently I jumped to conclusions about her status. I had a feeling that she was single, so I figured I'd bring it up in the conversation casually somehow. We were talking at school today, and somehow she mentioned that she didn't have a boyfriend. It wasn't blatant, but it as just like an "oh, I don't have one" type of thing.

So now I know that shes single, which I kind of wish she wasn't because now that I know shes available, it makes me think I've got a chance, which I really don't have much of one. Shes really nice, and we talk some in class, but she doesn't really seem interested in me. She seemed more interested in me when she thought I was her same age (still not much at all), until someone asked me what grade I was in and I told them I was only going to be a junior. She and all the guys around me thought I was already done with my senior year, and that this was the only class I needed to graduate, which would have made me a year older than her. As soon as she heard that, she was like "you're 16, wow"

This is where things get complicated. Shes 17, so that makes it even more intmiidating to me. Shes also one of the popular kids at her school, which I'm really not at my school. Shes also extremely beautiful, which further lowers my chances, since I'm not really the best looking guy out there, thats for sure. We don't have a whole lot in common, other than that we both play sports (she plays volleyball, me baseball) and that we both like similar music. Shes also really into art and theatre type stuff, which although I find it interesting, I've never been really into it, but I would certainly enjoy something like an art museum somewhat. Its not a junior high type crush either, I really find her to be an interesting person, as well as shes smart and into the arts, which for some reason I find very attractive. What it is about her other than that, I have no idea other than the fact that I look forward to going to summer school every day because shes there, and I wish it was longer because this tuesday is the last day of class, and also my last opportunity to make a move, or not make a move.

So, all that puts me in this situation:

I can

A) ask her out, probably make myself look like an idiot by stuttering or saying something stupid, and then probably get turned down which would make things really weird, or

B) I can just forget about it and pretend like I never liked her, and I"ll probably never talk to her again.

I really want to ask her out, but I have major trouble with things like asking girls out and whatnot. Then pile on all the above on top, and I have no idea what to do.

[eaglebaseball]

ok, well if anyone could help that would be great. I'm torn between asking her out, and just leaving it alone. She seems to be way out of my league, but I really can't read her and tell whether shes interested at all, or would be or not.

[eaglebaseball]

ok well I've been thinking, and I'm thinking that no matter how small of a chance I have, I might as well take a shot. I'm gonna wait until the last day of class, and so if she says yes, everythings cool and we'll do whatever, but if she says no, thats fine because I'll probably never see her again after that. I've yet to have a girlfriend, so I figure I've got to start sometime and it might as well be in a situation where it wont affect our future if she says no (which I'm pretty sure she will).

[~Teej~]

Good on you and you are right to take the chance, you've got nothing to loose by asking and everything to possibly gain.

Make sure that you keep us all posted and Good Luck

[eaglebaseball]

I'm gonna need the luck. I figure either way, I need practice asking girls out (since I'm so terrible at it), so I might as well give it a shot. If she says no, ok I got turned down, I'm pretty used to that, and if she says yes, I've got a really hot girlfriend prospect.

How do you ask her out to make it sound like you want to actually ask her out, not make it seem like you want to go to lunch just as friends? I'm afraid it will come across as I just want to be a friend.

[~Teej~]

unfortuantly I can't really help you out here...I've been trying to do the same with this guy I've liked since Jan.

[aussiecoffee007]

ask her to dinner. lunch is considered the friend zone, dinner is the date zone, but both are meals :)

[eaglebaseball]

Isn't dinner a little too much? I mean, I can afford it easily, no problems there, but I always thought of that as like a later thing. Would coffee also be a friend thing? I guess I could ask her to dinner, but that would be really nervewrecking. I know she likes art, so i could take her to a museum or something, but I want to see if she is interested before I cough up money for somthing like that beforehand. So dinner, or coffee?

I'm gonna be playing baseball the evening of the day I ask her, so that kills the dinner idea for that night, should I ask her to do something at lunch, or ask her something like "Hey, do you want to have dinner sometime this week?" and then go from there?

sheesh, this is too much work (but shes worth it if she says yes)

[aussiecoffee007]

well, coffee might work too, im just worried about you staying in teh friends zone. i dont want you to get stuck there. i think dinner at a casual place is a nice compromise... and yeah, id go with the "want to have dinner sometime" one :)

[eaglebaseball]

I think thats what I"ll do (dinner), if I ever conjure up the confidence to ask her. I'm thinking I'll wait until the last day of class to do it, so that way its not akward after that if she says no.

I get myself way too worked up over these things. I need to relax. It will probably be tuesday, so I'll update ASAP that day, unless the perfect opportunity slaps me in the face tommorrow and I happen to take it.

[eaglebaseball]

ok, well, this might sound stupid, but I'm extremely nervous about it, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to pull it off. I'm really bad with these things, and then everything else on top of it, I'll probably chicken out. What can I do short of drugs that will help me relax and get the nerve to do it. I'm also afraid that she'll beat me out of the classroom and get out the door before I can and then I'll get stuck in the crowd of people, and she'll leave before I can ask her. I freak out about it so much that I end up not ever doing it. Any pointers on how to just get myself to spit it out without sounding like a stuttering kid with down syndrome?

[~Teej~]

ok, well, this might sound stupid, but I'm extremely nervous about it, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to pull it off. I'm really bad with these things, and then everything else on top of it, I'll probably chicken out. What can I do short of drugs that will help me relax and get the nerve to do it. I'm also afraid that she'll beat me out of the classroom and get out the door before I can and then I'll get stuck in the crowd of people, and she'll leave before I can ask her. I freak out about it so much that I end up not ever doing it. Any pointers on how to just get myself to spit it out without sounding like a stuttering kid with down syndrome?


If you discover a cure please let me in on it...We should all be born with the courage to do these things. :D

Just do it and good luck..I'll be sending out happy thoughts all day for you

[eaglebaseball]

If you discover a cure please let me in on it...We should all be born with the courage to do these things. :D

Just do it and good luck..I'll be sending out happy thoughts all day for you

I guess I'm just going to force it out of myself.

What if she says yes, but I can tell that she really doesn't want to, that she doesn't really want to be mean though? What do I do then?

[aussiecoffee007]

okay, honestly, it hink youre overthinking this. just relax. if that happens you will find out and worst comes to worst you learn something in life, had an experience. worry about it when it comes :)

[Interestedboy]

Eagle I truly feel that you are me on another side of the globe. I too have problems with overthinking everything that has to do with the other gender. I also struggle with the same difficulties you do. I guess what we need to do is man up and just ask them. After all they can't be that different from us can they? I am also worried about the answer "no". Although people say that the worst thing that can happen is that you get a "no", I really feel like it can make things awkward later on, but seeing as this is summer school that really isn't much of an issue is it?

[eaglebaseball]

i'm not so much afraid of the no, just the fact that shes older than I am, is a lot better looking, and she probably has no idea I like her, and it will be weird to her maybe since we've only known eachother for two weeks.

I spose I"ll just do it, and if I look like an idiot, so be it, but at least I'll have gotten turned down by a majorly hot girl, so its not that unexpected.

[eaglebaseball]

Ok, well I'm very disappointed in myself right now.

I went in for the kill after class, I started up a discussion as we were walking towards the parking lot (that was hard enough) about class and stuff, and for some reason I just couldn't say it. I guess I was sensing that she wasn't interested in me at all or something, and I could tell she was trying to pull away to go talk to her friends.

I don't know why, but I just couldn't do it, I guess because I knew she didn't want me, but now I kind of wish I had done it anyways. I hate myself, I'm too big of a chicken to ever make a move.

edit:
I really regret not asking her, and theres really no way to do it now. I don't have her number or anything like that. I could ask her over the internet, but thats cheesy and would just be kind of junior high. No matter how sure I am that she would have said no, a part of me still thinks she might have said yes, even if it was like 10000000000:1 chance of that. I think I pretty much blew my last chance.

[eaglebaseball]

I think I'm just gonna drink a beer next time right before I ask someone out. That should calm me down a bit.

[aussiecoffee007]

well, youre a bit underage and i woudlnt recommend that for many reasons... a. girls dont like drunk guys b. she wont take you seriously and c. just dont be drunk. its an insult to a woman. she will take it like, you need to be drunk just to talk to her.
JUST DO IT. honestly.

[eaglebaseball]

i dotn mean drunk, just a bit to calm the nerves. I'm debatin sending her an IM or something, but I don't want that to come off as stalkerish or something.

[Penguin_Woman]

Regardless of how much, if your underage you shouldn't drink. Regardless of age it's not a good way to calm down IMHO. Yeah I'd send her an IM or email. :)

[eaglebaseball]

I want to really badly, so I guess I'll try and give it a shot tonight. I just don't know what to say. I'll think on it for a while.

[eaglebaseball]

Regardless of how much, if your underage you shouldn't drink. Regardless of age it's not a good way to calm down IMHO. Yeah I'd send her an IM or email. :)

I honestly don't believe all the underaged stuff. If kids in europe are allowed to do it, it can't be all that bad. Besides, I've never drank more than one beer at a time, and even that much is rare, and even then I only do it a couple times a year.

I believe that if I have a little bit every so often, that I will be less likely to go out on my 21st birthday and get hammered, because I will know what it feels like (sort of, not drunk, but alcohol).

Anyway, I'm gonna go think on it and see what I can do. I still can't believe I let her just walk away, I'm so mad at myself for that.

[aussiecoffee007]

well, we live in teh US and im going with, we need to follow our own laws... anad its illegal here, so i dotn know, i just dont think its a good idea on a lot of levels. as i said its not even about the drink its that thats pretty insulting to a girl. trust me. just do it.

[eaglebaseball]

I'm going to attempt to at least talk to her tonight. I'm wondering if its too soon to ask her out, I mean its only been two weeks, and I don't know her all that well, but I'm definitely gonna try (hopefully) and talk to her on AIM or something tonight if she's on.

[Penguin_Woman]

:) Good let us know how it goes

[aussiecoffee007]

i think its FIINE you can get to know her through dating and stuff, and sometimes its best not to know someone reeeally well before aksing them out ;)

[~Teej~]

I don't see any problems with asking her out over IM...If thats the only way you have to contact her then just do it.

Even if she says no at least your mind will be at rest

[aussiecoffee007]

meh meerkat, i gotta disagree with you on that one, AIM is a lame way to go :) kind of unromantic... but you can maybe ask on IM for a casual coffee and then ask her on a real date when you go out to coffee, or something, ya know?

[eaglebaseball]

I shouldn't tell her that I was too nervous to ask her out in person right?

Shes not online right now, so I may leave her a message on facebook, but I think shes going out of town tommorrow or the next day, so this could get complicated, but I"m trying.

[~Teej~]

meh meerkat, i gotta disagree with you on that one, AIM is a lame way to go :) kind of unromantic... but you can maybe ask on IM for a casual coffee and then ask her on a real date when you go out to coffee, or something, ya know?

Thats kinda what I meant Aussie you just said it better than me :)

[Penguin_Woman]

Sure, tell her you were too shy. She may appreciate your honesty and some women like shy guys

[eaglebaseball]

****, the one time I'm ready to ask her, shes not online. Shes been online all afternoon and I've been biding my time trying to figure out what to say (still don't know, but I'm just gonna wing it), and now shes not on. Hopefully she gets on sometime tonight.

[eaglebaseball]

edit:

ok, nvm, shes online. now I just gotta figure out a way to spit it out. ahhhhhhhhhh i'm freaking out major

son of a gun, she signed off right before I hit send.

man, I've got terrible luck for this stuff.

hopefully she'll get back on and I'm sending it the second she signs on.

[eaglebaseball]

ok, so assuming she doesn't get back on tonight, I"ll just send her an email. the only problem is, I don't want it sitting there while shes out of town as I believe she will be. Then its going to be killing me until she gets back. So should I just tell her I need to talk to her on AIM, or should I tell her everything?


I'm so sorry for rambling, but I'm extremely stressed out from this.

Edit: alright, well I sent her a few IMS, but she didn't respond. I guess she didn't recognize my sn and didn't allow msgs from it, so I sent her a msg telling her it was me.

if she doesn't respond then, she for sure doesn't like me, but hopefully I'll get an answer.

at least I'm making progress, no matter how little it is.

[aussiecoffee007]

you know, just if she doesnt respond it doesnt mean she doesnt like you or something, what if she accidentally left her computer on? or had an emergency? i mean, i just think you need to do it (not online, ive told you my beef with that ;), and as a female it just sucks) so keep us updated but do it already :)

[eaglebaseball]

yeah, she may have left it on or something, I dunno. I think shes out of town today, so maybe thats why she hasn't responded.

I dunno how to ask her out in person though, since I don't have her phone number, and I wont see her again in person unless we end up hanging out or something, which is extremely unlikely unless I ask her to hang out (which results in the friend zone). It would also be kind of weird if I called her up, since she never gave me her number. The would seem kind of stalkerish, since I happened to run across her AIM sn on facebook, which she doesn't know about mine yet, or just hasn't replied yet.

I'll just wait and see if she says anything back, hopefully she will.

[aussiecoffee007]

well yeah dont call her unless she gave you her number, thats pretty strange... and if you ask her to hang out it wont automatically result in that, ya know, its just WHAT you ask her to...

[eaglebaseball]

thats exactly why I haven't called her, partly because I don't have her number, and partly because i'm not gonna call around to get her number. I'd be freaked out if a girl called me and I never gave her my number.

I guess now its just a waiting game to see if she takes the bait.

[aussiecoffee007]

i guess so, i would recommend talkign to her thorugh IM and then asking for her number, and then maybe THEN asking her out...
online is just not very cool in high school...

[eaglebaseball]

haha. I know, I stopped using it back in junior high, I just have had this one sitting since then. Hopefully she'll say something back.

[eaglebaseball]

I think I'm just going to call it quits. She clearly isn't interested in me. Shes been online several times, and she hasn't replied to any IMs or facebook msgs or anything like that. Shes sent other people msgs on facebook, so she clearly doesn't want to talk to me.

Like I figured she was out of my league, and I guess that held true. I guess its time to stop pursuing her and find someone else. IF she does talk to me sometime, great, if not, then thats fine too. I liked her, but apparently its not a mutual thing.

[~Teej~]

It's not too bad to be in the friend zone either..I am stuck there now I think and to be honest I am fine with that now.

If something happens than great but if not then I'm great happy. :)

[eaglebaseball]

yeah, I'd rather be in the friend zone than nothing at all. I just don't think that anything is going to happen between us. It sucks, but at the same time I'm okay with it.

[~Teej~]

It'll get easier don't worry, I've been through it and come out okay. :)

[aussiecoffee007]

aa sorry to play devils advocate but how are you so sure shes not interested? it sounds to me you are overanalyzing a bit :)

[eaglebaseball]

aa sorry to play devils advocate but how are you so sure shes not interested? it sounds to me you are overanalyzing a bit :)

just from how things have been over the last two weeks, as well as the fact she wont answer any msgs I send her, that most likely means shes not interested in me, IMO. I don't want to nag either, because I hate nags more than anything else.

[aussiecoffee007]

well, if you think thats best, ill be happy for you :) i just want you to be happy... hehe...